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Original poster

At what point did you realise your marriage was over?

102 replies

FairyDoor1 · 26/03/2025 16:03

What occurred in that exact moment? Was it something small? What caused you to realise it was over?

Mine - Difficult to say just one thing but I can recall multiple things that he’s said to me over the years that have pushed me to the point of no return. We are still together(I’m planning my escape)and things are actually okay, we can get along better than we did but certain things he’s said are so unforgivable and they broke something in our marriage.

OP posts:
Jamiejones · 26/03/2025 16:23

My wife has told me on several occasions that she doesn’t love me and our marriage is over but we need to stay together because of our children. Then she will apologies and say she didn’t mean it but if I ever bring it up she will say I’m being stupid.
Im guessing I’ve got used to it now and I will never truly know how she feels but deep down I’ve realised it’s over.

livelovelough24 · 26/03/2025 20:40

He spent a new years eve not talking to me over a stupid quarrel. Silent treatment was his favourite way of punishing me, so it was nothing new. However, this was a new years eve, we were alone at home, and it was the most uncomfortable night I have ever had in my life. Sitting with my husband, pretending to celebrate but not talking. What upset me the most is that I did not get up and went to bed, because I thought this would escalate the situation, so instead I sat there with him. At midnight, we even got up and kissed and said "happy new year" to each other. I felt disgusted at my own self and the kiss felt like a slap. This is when I promised myself that this was the last year I was "celebrating" with him.

Unfortunately Covid hit and I was forced to postpone it all so I did celebrate one more new years eve in his company, but we separated soon after.

2025willbemytime · 26/03/2025 20:41

When he used the fact I was a victim of CSA against be because of how I deal with it.

2025willbemytime · 26/03/2025 20:42

Jamiejones · 26/03/2025 16:23

My wife has told me on several occasions that she doesn’t love me and our marriage is over but we need to stay together because of our children. Then she will apologies and say she didn’t mean it but if I ever bring it up she will say I’m being stupid.
Im guessing I’ve got used to it now and I will never truly know how she feels but deep down I’ve realised it’s over.

So she's abusing you and the guilt your kids will feel when they find out will be immense. Call her bluff. Divorce her.

Ilovemeggy38 · 26/03/2025 20:52

When he had an affair then said it was because I put my sister up on the spare bed settee whilst she was trying to escape her abusive husband..
He said he felt pushed out so he had to cheat..
We stayed together ten years later and he still says it's because I prioritised my sister 🙄
I'm getting my chickens in a row, absolutely.

paddingtoncoffee · 26/03/2025 20:55

I was unpacking the dishwasher. He had come home from being chucked out for the night(healthy relationship right there) and he said that the reason he hurt me was because he doesn't feel loved

MakingPlans2025 · 26/03/2025 21:26

He told me that my abusive mother probably had a point and I deserved the way she’s treated me

weightstrugglinmum · 26/03/2025 21:31

Very similar to the OP because they way he's been over the past 7 years, his actions and selfishness are unforgivable, the things he's said to me, the moods he's had, the emotional manipulative passive aggressiveness, calling me a C##t infront of the kids over a dry lawn, the fact I'm not pleased he's returned home from somewhere, or my heart sinks if his car is there when we I get home with the kids. The way he speaks to the kids, I've lost any respect or slight love I had for him, and it's broken. You just can't come back from these things, and frankly I don't want to.

The absolute final straw was when I realised I was scared to ask him to stop at our local shop that we drive past on the way home, just to pick up something quickly. I realised that was so so wrong.

BatFeminist · 26/03/2025 21:32

livelovelough24 · 26/03/2025 20:40

He spent a new years eve not talking to me over a stupid quarrel. Silent treatment was his favourite way of punishing me, so it was nothing new. However, this was a new years eve, we were alone at home, and it was the most uncomfortable night I have ever had in my life. Sitting with my husband, pretending to celebrate but not talking. What upset me the most is that I did not get up and went to bed, because I thought this would escalate the situation, so instead I sat there with him. At midnight, we even got up and kissed and said "happy new year" to each other. I felt disgusted at my own self and the kiss felt like a slap. This is when I promised myself that this was the last year I was "celebrating" with him.

Unfortunately Covid hit and I was forced to postpone it all so I did celebrate one more new years eve in his company, but we separated soon after.

This is chilling. Glad you got away.

DaisyDukesAuntie · 26/03/2025 21:36

I was walking home (from a shift on duty with Samaritans - not relevant maybe but I as doing good for the world that day!!), it was raining hard and I rung him and asked him to come and collect me. He refused. This, and other things, made me realise it as over. Kindness is absolutely my love language and it was the nail in the marriage

ConstanceFT · 26/03/2025 21:39

He had countless affairs - some I still most likely am unaware of. The last affair was when our youngest was weeks old. He was sleeping with a married work colleague who was a mutual ‘friend’. I was devastated; his reply to my agony, ‘I really wish you wouldn’t wear those loose pyjamas; they aren’t very appealing/ flattering.’ I knew then I had to get out. I did and my children and I finally have a safe and happy home life.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/03/2025 21:42

It was the realisation that every time I heard his key in the door, I groaned inside. Every time.

that any the affair. Honestly, thank goodness for the affair, otherwise I’d still be plodding on probably.

PermanentTemporary · 26/03/2025 21:50

I'm embarrassed to say it was watching a film, but it was. Partly because I was staying up till 2am to avoid having to be in the same bed as him. Partly because I was watching the stupid, Hollywood version of a down to earth relationship, and I didn't think 'I should be able to have that kind of love' but I did think 'my relationship shouldn't be the thing that makes it hardest to get through the days'.

weightstrugglinmum · 26/03/2025 21:51

Ahh yes kindness. He is just so unkind. I remember also. I asked him once to wipe a bit of mud off my face. He refused so my three year old did. I asked him once to grab me a coffee from a visitor centre, whilst I got the kids in the car and got them changed and snacks sorted, even said to pay on my card. Refused. Kids ask him to help with things. 99 % of time, he refuses. He's just not shown up for me or the kids in so many ways, so many times. Even pre-kids he was like that. I just didn't see it. The glares towards me which are looks of pure hatred and contempt.
The thing that made me really uncomfortable was when he drove past me, he'd just left the house and I was walking home from the school drop off, both times it was like he just smirked at me, just a real horrible feeling with that. It feels like there's a more horrible side of him I don't fully know.

Gosh, I can think of so much more, really need to get those ducks sorted

Pollydoodledoo · 26/03/2025 21:55

I'm wondering this myself and fear it's nigh

Londonismyjam · 26/03/2025 22:11

We’d been married five years when he told me that he had to continue to meet up for lunch with his ex affair partner from his first marriage because she was the ‘love of his life’.

Undrugged · 26/03/2025 22:18

It was Christmas Day, raining heavily, freezing cold, we were away from home and for various reasons I had no coat. Had to walk the dog, while he slothed around. I went to borrow his coat and he said I couldn’t take it because I might stretch it. There were many other small and large acts of unkindness but that one stuck with me.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/03/2025 22:20

PermanentTemporary · 26/03/2025 21:50

I'm embarrassed to say it was watching a film, but it was. Partly because I was staying up till 2am to avoid having to be in the same bed as him. Partly because I was watching the stupid, Hollywood version of a down to earth relationship, and I didn't think 'I should be able to have that kind of love' but I did think 'my relationship shouldn't be the thing that makes it hardest to get through the days'.

Oh goodness yes, for years and years I didn’t go to bed when I wanted to to avoid having to have sex with him. The absolute bliss now of my thought process simply being ‘I’d like to go to bed now.’ And that’s it, go. I love being single, love it. Would recommend it over and over.

Chaseandstatus · 26/03/2025 22:22

When my teenage son had to punch him (his own dad) to get him his hands from round his necks and my now exes response was to feel sorry about his own injuries

Undrugged · 26/03/2025 22:23

It’s not hard to see why some of these specimens are exes.

Plantmother71 · 26/03/2025 22:26

He came home after a night out… at 5am. Stinking of sex. I’d been worried about him as he never came back so late. He just laughed at me, got in bed and slept. He didn’t talk to me for days.

That happened many more times. Took me a while to get my ducks in a row. One of my friends even saw him sat outside a pub in Manchester with his OW holding hands and kissing. He was shagging one of his colleagues. He’d been doing that with various members of his staff for years. I think he was faithful the first year we were together and that was it.

Even during lockdown I could hear him having phone sex whilst me and DC were upstairs in bed. I look back and wonder why my bar was set so low.

RaraRachael · 26/03/2025 22:32

We went away for our silver wedding weekend. It was the first time in years we'd been away together without the kids.
I realised it was only the kids that were keeping us together and that I couldn't bear the thought of another 25+ years once the kids had gone.

SareBear87 · 26/03/2025 22:41

We were on holiday, first one together in 5 years, and whilst sitting on a sun lounger, headphones on, it suddenly hit me that I would have rather been at home, pottering around the house and have him “work late/weekends” than be sitting next to him on a beautiful sandy beach. We basically spent the whole holiday doing our own thing, just meeting up for meals together. The realisation was a kick in the guts, especially as I’d just begun fertility investigations as I couldn’t seem to get pregnant (which was the final nail in the coffin when it turned out to be a sperm problem, which he’d known about BEFORE we’d married 7 years previously….).

Woolly17 · 26/03/2025 22:43

One hundred unkind words and arguments. They all add up I guess. Mine is this last Christmas - he wasn't just awful to me in private but tried to get my Mum and sister to back him up (they didn't). It was awful and sad and I realised that this is who he is. He doesn't even want to hide it he just wants everyone to agree that I'm awful.

It begs the question why he doesn't leave (I'm awful after all) but I know that this marriage can't survive as it is. So I need to leave.

Gettingbysomehow · 26/03/2025 22:47

His endless sex pestering.
Totally killed what we had. I just felt like a blow up doll not a person so I stopped sleeping with him and he left 6 months later which was a massive relief.