At what point did you realise your marriage was over?

[FairyDoor1]

What occurred in that exact moment? Was it something small? What caused you to realise it was over?

Mine - Difficult to say just one thing but I can recall multiple things that he’s said to me over the years that have pushed me to the point of no return. We are still together(I’m planning my escape)and things are actually okay, we can get along better than we did but certain things he’s said are so unforgivable and they broke something in our marriage.

Tbh there were many moments, but as an insecure idiot I continued - initially it was when he got really angry that I’d discovered his porn stash in a briefcase under the bed (this was in the early 90s) & said it was his & he was allowed it (or similar). We had been married less than 2 years.
His addiction grew & he would watch it virtually every night on Sky, rapidly changing the channel when I entered the living room. The pain of rejection was unbearable. He even fell asleep, drunk and half dressed, in front of porn on tv when we had friends staying over.
Foolishly perhaps, I stuck with him & 15 years later had a child. I realised that the sham marriage couldn’t carry on any more at all when DC saw him shouting at me, as I was trying to feed DC their breakfast, at 15 months.

I still can’t believe how incredibly foolish / insecure / groomed I was to stay. However my DC is now a wonderful adult, so something good came from it, in the end.

Jeez...absolutely you do, good luck xx

When he punched me in the face....on our wedding night.

Literally woke up one day and realised it was never going to get any better and it was over. Went to the estate agency nearby and put the house up for sale.

House sold very quickly, went our separate ways, never regretted it.

After giving me so much grief and stress for months and months where he’d lose his jobs, walk out and not be contactable for hours, we had a few weeks where he was on top form. I’ve always valued my boundaries but in a moment of weakness, gave in and we were intimate. A couple of hours later, he was in one of his foul moods, stonewalling me and taking out his frustration on the children. That is the moment I knew it was all about him and NEVER about us- he’d always be a selfish, entitled man-child who thrives on people begging for his attention. Never again. We’re going through a very acrimonious split atm. This ‘man’ has put me off men for life. I’ll never trust another one again.

Ps. Realised as an accountant he’s £40K in credit card debt and potentially moved on already- poor next woman.

It was coming for a long time. He had multiple affairs that I suspected but couldn't prove.
One evening, his 'friend' gave him a lift from work and when he walked in the door, I just looked at him and said "I'm done"
I didnt plan it. I just remember feeling so tired of it all and the words just popped out.
And from the look on his face, he knew exactly why.

We were in the throws of looking and buying a house. Hes always been a drinker but over one weekend, he went out to meet a mate and ended up not coming home - out drinking. Then the following day, sat sinking 11 beers whilst the football was on and at 9pm opened the red wine. I came to a realisation, that deep down i already knew, hes a selfish person, not interested in the children or me, all about drinking and mates. So i just said no more. Currently divorcing. Nearly there 🤞 cant wait

for me it was two really specific moments that startled me into leaving I was so used to all of his drama, aggression and tantrums I had unknowingly become numb to it all and was just drifting so it wasnt anything that he did it was other stuff that made me realise I would be better off without him.

One was my friend saying you'll be 30 next year.... all I could think about was I didnt want to turn 30 feeling so unhappy and thought what do I need to change?

the second was when he went away for a weekend with his friends and I realised how lovely it might be to live on my own and not on egg shells, to actually be able to do what I please and not have to fear a tantrum or a lashing out because something wasnt quite right.

when I asked him to leave..... he was devastated until he clocked that he could live at his Mums for free and he only had to pay 50% of the mortgage until we sold the house. The fact he stopped crying, smiled and immediately changed his direct debit amount told me I had made 100% the right choice.

This was back up by bumping into him in a GP car park 6 months later with his new girlfriend who was 7 months pregnant......

Prick!!

Wtf!

@ABigBarofChocolate yup, I still have the unopened email of our wedding photos cause of the memories of that day

Driving back from a holiday with him along a winding road with a steep drop on one side and wishing he would just drive over the edge and kill us both. Sadly I couldn't imagine any other way to get out of the marriage and stayed for many more years.

We were doing marriage counselling to try and fix things and in the last session of I think 6, the counsellor asked us both how life would change if we split. I couldn't find any negative impacts so we started walking home, when we got to the station platform, I physically walked away. A few weeks later I regretted it and tried to reconcile to live our marriage vows (only taken 9 months before) and he was already dating a girl who's child called him dad and he told me he would never be good enough for me and I'd always criticise. 16 years later, he's right. He's on at least marriage 3 and who knows how many relationships and gone from job to job. I've been married for 11 years and have a 4th child on the way. So glad I hadn't got pregnant or had anything else tying me to him.

I actually started a thread on here, a few years ago, saying my husband had told me he hadn’t loved me for years. I was asking for advice on how to change myself really. I mentioned that he’d gone out to meet a female friend and posters very gently suggested she could be the OW. No, no, I protested, I’ve met her, she’s lovely, he just needs someone to talk to.

Turns out they’d been sleeping together, in our bed, for a year while I was at work. I’m grateful every day to the people on here who checked in, gave me advice, held my hand and cheered me from the sidelines when I was scared and exhausted in the early days. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been now and I don’t think I would be without that support from MN.

There’s been so many instances for me, so much disrespect. One instance - our son is autistic and he was attending a Christmas party for children with additional needs. We had all arrived outside the venue 25 minutes early as H likes to be very early. DS began to have a meltdown in the car as he was waiting too long to go in, DS’ disability buggy was in our boot but the car was parked against the wall. I begged and begged DH to move the car forward so I could get his buggy out and walk him around the block/take him to a local shop to distract him. He point blank refused, no I’m not doing that(moving the car) stop telling me what to do etc. I was begging and begging and all the while DS was screaming and attacking our oldest. I knew how to defuse the situation and DH refused to co-operate. He proceeded to call me a horrible woman/vile woman and told me “go fuck yourself” in front of both children.

DS calmed down when we could go in and we went in pretending we were a happy family 😢

Another - punched a hole in the wall of our hotel room on our honeymoon and told me he hated me.

Being told she didn’t consider me part of her main family and didn’t need my support when her parents died, only her siblings. Realised it was probably just the grief but found it so difficult to forget, then started contacting her long time ago ex for emotional support after a sibling died but didn’t really talk to me about how she felt. Still together but we pretty much just live in the same house

Years ago,I was with an abusive prick

(Thankfully I didn't marry him but we lived together)

He had to control every single detail of our lives but didn't have to live to his own high standards-he got me pregnant by tampering with the condom to trap me

I wasn't allowed to
Wear make up
Wear nice clothes
Spend my own money-he'd take it out of my hand
Eat what I wanted
Speak to who I wanted to speak to
Buy what was needed for dc
Work more than part time
Celebrate my birthday/mothers day
Watch my own tv

I had to ask permission to use the phone and he'd listen in
He'd lock the front door,trapping me in the house and god knows what would have happened if there had been a fire

The list was endless

One week,he said he was going to stay with his grandparents,who lived about 50 miles away,leaving me holding the baby

The relief was enormous-I had freedom for the first time in about 2 years

He came home and went mental at me-he hadn't gone to stay with his grandparents at all-hed been at his mother's (who lived round the corner) and had been following me around all weekend

He told me word for word who I'd spoken to,what I'd fed the baby,what clothes I'd worn,what money I spent,what bus I'd caught,what time we went to bed-everything

It took another few months but I finally left him (both sets of our familes couldn't see the issue about what he'd done)

He'd been raping a 14 year old and had got her pregnant-but I was the one in the wrong for daring to go out with friends

Almost 30 years on,he still thinks he owns me-he went through the courts for access to our child,didn't pay a penny and thinks he still has a full say in my life even though I've not seen him in about 26 years

Utter prick

Why did he do it!!!!!!

Omg well done for getting rid 😳

Im in exactly the same position as this. Somehow all the little things don't seem to justify the pain and chaos of divorcing (we have 3 young children) but also knowing that its slowly killing me to carry on like this.

Last year was our 10 year anniversary and all I could think was I can't do another 10 years of this and that's when I started making plans to leave. Almost ready to drop the bomb. Deep down I think he knows its coming

I knew I couldn't be with him already when our firstborn was a newborn but I was trapped abroad with him so I stayed and tried to make it work. When said firstborn was a teenager he hit her and that's when I knew there was no going back. I took both kids (who at that point were old enough to decide if they didn't want to live with him) and moved back to my home country. Best thing I have ever done, both for them and me. None of us have any contact with him anymore.

@ABigBarofChocolate I had suspicions he has taken cocaine...never been a problem in the relationship and never suspected it before but at the wedding during the reception his jaw was swinging like he couldn't control it and his work mates were there and I know they take cocaine. Left it all night but once back in our hotel room I questioned whether he had which was met with a very aggressive outburst and a punch in the face. He also punch and smashed the hotel tv

Why? You get one life then that is it. Life is too long to spend it is such purgatory. You have choices. Put up and shut up or get the hell out.