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Original poster

Cancer and a break up.

118 replies

StLucia4 · 25/03/2025 00:56

I’ve been with my boyfriend 16 months. We have just broke up, initiated by me but he is two weeks into a cancer journey. Am I such a horrible person to never return? I have just gone no contact as I’m tired of the disappointment and hurting during our relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
StLucia4 · 02/04/2025 18:14

@Growlybear83 At last. If he is well rid of me then keeping in touch is not such a great idea after all! It will just pull at his heart strings (and mine) and reminds us both of what could have been.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 02/04/2025 18:16

I suspect the way you’ve treated him has severed any heartstrings he might have. I’ve just looked at your previous posts as well. I wouldn’t like to be in your shoes if there is such a thing as karma 😆😆

Original poster
StLucia4 · 02/04/2025 18:16

And before anyone dare to suggest .. I do have a heart! 🙄

Don’t you think he might be GRATEFUL not to hear from me! Because it’s forever a reminder of our split?!

OP posts:
SkepticalC · 02/04/2025 18:28

This has to be fake right? No one is actually this horrible.

Arlanymor · 02/04/2025 18:31

I can't follow your story - it veers one way and then another - only you know if it was genuinely the right time to go or if the diagnosis played a part.

You don't need anyone on here to justify your behaviour.

ShroudedOrchard · 02/04/2025 18:36

StLucia4 · 02/04/2025 18:14

@Growlybear83 At last. If he is well rid of me then keeping in touch is not such a great idea after all! It will just pull at his heart strings (and mine) and reminds us both of what could have been.

Do whatever you’re going to do. It’s clear you’re not listening to anybody else.

But - please don’t pretend to yourself that you’re doing him a favour.

Growlybear83 · 02/04/2025 18:47

StLucia4 · 02/04/2025 18:16

And before anyone dare to suggest .. I do have a heart! 🙄

Don’t you think he might be GRATEFUL not to hear from me! Because it’s forever a reminder of our split?!

Well if doesn’t want to hear from you, he can tell you to sod off, but at least you could make the tiniest effort to show a little bit of compassion 🙄. But actually you could be right in saying that he might be grateful not to hear from you - but not for the reasons you think - I’ve realised that he probably didn’t tell his former wife’s family about you because he was embarrassed that he’d got himself mixed up with someone like you. And yes, I will dare to suggest that you are heartless, as many other people have said.

Original poster
StLucia4 · 03/04/2025 07:22

Good morning, I took your advice and messaged my ex late last night and we chatted about keeping in touch. He was surprised to hear from me and said he was doing well with the exception of tiredness.

He is happy to keep in touch and realises it would not be an invitation to getting back together.

He also understands why I might want a clean break and apologised for all the hurt we’ve been through.

I don’t hold on to grudges. It was the right person, wrong time. I find it easy to forgive and move on. I wished him well.

Thanks all for your input.

OP posts:
ShroudedOrchard · 03/04/2025 11:15

StLucia4 · 03/04/2025 07:22

Good morning, I took your advice and messaged my ex late last night and we chatted about keeping in touch. He was surprised to hear from me and said he was doing well with the exception of tiredness.

He is happy to keep in touch and realises it would not be an invitation to getting back together.

He also understands why I might want a clean break and apologised for all the hurt we’ve been through.

I don’t hold on to grudges. It was the right person, wrong time. I find it easy to forgive and move on. I wished him well.

Thanks all for your input.

NGL - didn't see this happening.
Credit where it's due for taking onboard all the comments.
Hoping everything works out for you both.

Growlybear83 · 03/04/2025 12:51

All credit to you for showing some compassion, OP. I’m sure he really appreciated the gesture.

EasterBonne · 03/04/2025 13:05

StLucia4 · 03/04/2025 07:22

Good morning, I took your advice and messaged my ex late last night and we chatted about keeping in touch. He was surprised to hear from me and said he was doing well with the exception of tiredness.

He is happy to keep in touch and realises it would not be an invitation to getting back together.

He also understands why I might want a clean break and apologised for all the hurt we’ve been through.

I don’t hold on to grudges. It was the right person, wrong time. I find it easy to forgive and move on. I wished him well.

Thanks all for your input.

congrats, you are one step closer to being a decent person.

hope it all works out for you both (as friends of course)

Stagshear · 03/04/2025 13:18

I think you have done the right thing. I was thinking about breaking up with an ex and then he lost his job, I thought I couldn’t break up with him during a tough time- 6 months later he was still without a job and we split anyway- but at that point he thought it was because of the job not because of him - which was untrue.

people who are saying you should stay, aren’t thinking it through. You are in a relationship, they are recommending you stay (and have sex) with someone you don’t want to. That is appalling.

Original poster
StLucia4 · 03/04/2025 13:45

@Stagshear To be fair, I don’t think they expect me to stay with him.. the general consensus of opinion is to support him from afar whereas I’d prefer to go NC.

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 03/04/2025 13:53

Do you really want to stay in touch when he's kept you as a secret all this time? I certainly wouldn't want anything to do with him.

Original poster
StLucia4 · 03/04/2025 14:12

No… I took advice from many friends and family members. They were all in agreement that despite his grief, we’d been chatting for 15months prior to dating and then after 16 months of dating, that should be enough time to introduce me to his family.. by family, that means her parents and 2 adult step children. It will be 3 years this aug since she passed.

I know there is no measurement for grief but I began to feel he was using me as a distraction for his grief.

OP posts:
SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 03/04/2025 14:18

You've been together 16 months and you've broken up so many times

It was never a relationship

Chunkilumptious · 03/04/2025 15:18

Well done OP, I think you've done a good thing. I also think you made the right decision ending the relationship.

Feel free to maintain boundaries if he does come to you for support but I don't think you'll regret offering friendship to someone going through illness.

Growlybear83 · 03/04/2025 18:49

Stagshear · 03/04/2025 13:18

I think you have done the right thing. I was thinking about breaking up with an ex and then he lost his job, I thought I couldn’t break up with him during a tough time- 6 months later he was still without a job and we split anyway- but at that point he thought it was because of the job not because of him - which was untrue.

people who are saying you should stay, aren’t thinking it through. You are in a relationship, they are recommending you stay (and have sex) with someone you don’t want to. That is appalling.

I don’t think you’ve read the thread properly. I’ve not seen a single post suggesting that the OP should have stayed with her boyfriend and not ended the relationship. The vast majority of posters were saying that they found it extremely unkind and lacking in compassion that, having ended a 16 month relationship, the OP said that she had cut her ex off completely when he is going through cancer treatment and was not just sending him a supportive message from time to time. No-one was suggesting that she should still be having sex with him! The OP reflected on the situation and to her credit did the right thing by contacting her ex last night for a chat, which it sounds as though he appreciated.

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