Ultimatum by partner to have children.

[Aroundthecorner00]

I’ve been in this relationship for around 7 years. I’ve just not felt comfortable having children and I’ve not been able to put my finger on why until lately. My partner is getting angry with me. He tells me he’s got us the house and we are comfortable so what is wrong with me, he’s done everything I’ve asked for and thrown all his money at me.

Ive realised that I just have this feeling constantly of not feeling safe. I’m not allowed to express feelings that upset him or blame him or criticise him. I can’t put my point forward on anything I don’t agree on. He gets very angry, will drag up arguments and things I’ve said from years and years ago. In an argument I am always wrong and I always back down because he kind of scares me. I absolutely hate conflict and I never resolve anything I want to because he is so defensive and I just want it to stop.

What am I to tell him?

Break up with him! You don’t feel safe, you’re scared! Do be cautious though and maybe get some support when you tell him, eg a friend or relative to help you.

Did he ask if he could marry you? Or is he just asking if he can impregnate you? Cheeky cunt!

Your instincts are correct so please don’t have a baby with this man.

He wants it all.

LTB.

no wander you don’t want children with a partner like that, what does he expect after the way he speaks to you. i mean ide suggest having a word with him about how you’re feeling but i doubt he will listen or take it into consideration. stick to your guns don’t have a child with this man just because he’s pressuring you.

My immediate response is listen to your fut. Do not have children with him. If this is the 'good' bit and he is like this imagine what he is going to be like under the stress and angst of having children.

Leave. No need to explain until you’re gone. Maybe not even then.

Well done you for sticking to your guns. Frankly, I wouldn’t want to have dinner with a man like that, never mind have children. If you want it to stop, you need to leave him. And you can op, anytime you want. He is not the man for you.

He is very giving, a little too giving like he is trying to buy me. He said he will buy me a car as a gift for having a baby. It sounds odd. I want a baby when I feel safe but I just don’t feel it. I’ve tried to explain and he tells me he has given me everything, done everything I’ve asked so what is wrong with me. I just don’t like or agree with absolutely everything he does or says but I’m not allowed to not agree.

Goodbye would cover it.

Are you dependent on him financially in any way? Sounds like you may be...have you anywhere to go of you go?

No one should have a baby with a man who does not allow her to disagree.

No one should be with this type of man.

You don’t want a baby with him. Please split. He clearly wants a family and is trying to pressure you to have one. Split and you can both find the person you’re meant to be with

Doesn't matter what he wants. What do you want? You need to leave. Take a look at the thousands of threads from women who wish they'd listened to their gut, friends, strangers advice..

Tell him that you won’t marry a man who frightens you and that no child should grow up with a father like this. Or better than that, say absolutely nothing and leave before he starts hitting you. Because he will. And then what? He’ll hit the kid he forces you to have.

Strangely, you may find that you feel completely differently with a partner who supports you and who communicates with you respectfully. Or you might still not want children. Either is absolutely fine.

There is nothing wrong with you. Your instincts are sensing danger just fine.

There are many, many things wrong with him. He does not own you. He cannot buy you. He has no right to tell you how things should be and what you should do.

Grade A Arsehole. This man is No Good, I don’t care how much money he waves around.

He’s bullying you to have a baby

he has no self reflection nor accountability for his behaviour, nor how it makes you feel.

Or sounds like in arguments he denies any offence to you and reverses the situation so that he is the victim - does that sounds right?

it’s called DARVO and you’ll never get past it if he doesn’t understand how that creates a toxic environment.

Please don’t bring a baby into this. Babies are very hard work and exhausting- cracks in a relationship can really start to show and worsen.

I’d bin him OP, doesn’t seem like a good fit for you.

Red flags all over the place here. Guaranteed as soon as you’re married and pregnant he will become way worse. If he is putting emphasis on how he’s provided you with everything and will get you a car, he will end up financially abusing you.

Listen to your gut. It’s telling you this isn’t the man.

Trust your gut OP.
You don’t feel safe with him. Don’t bring a child into this.

Are you married? Do you own a house together?

I think it’s time to start planning how to exit this relationship safely.

Clearly you should separate.

I get the impression he won’t take this well, so you need to plan and do it as safely as possible.

Your instincts are correct, get out.

Raising children takes negotiation and being able to hear another viewpoint. He can't do this.

Imagine being his child, they'd feel unsafe too.

He said he will buy me a car as a gift for having a baby. It sounds odd.

It's more than odd, it's insane.

Your gut is screaming at you to get out - listen to it.