Ultimatum by partner to have children.

[Aroundthecorner00]

I’ve been in this relationship for around 7 years. I’ve just not felt comfortable having children and I’ve not been able to put my finger on why until lately. My partner is getting angry with me. He tells me he’s got us the house and we are comfortable so what is wrong with me, he’s done everything I’ve asked for and thrown all his money at me.

Ive realised that I just have this feeling constantly of not feeling safe. I’m not allowed to express feelings that upset him or blame him or criticise him. I can’t put my point forward on anything I don’t agree on. He gets very angry, will drag up arguments and things I’ve said from years and years ago. In an argument I am always wrong and I always back down because he kind of scares me. I absolutely hate conflict and I never resolve anything I want to because he is so defensive and I just want it to stop.

What am I to tell him?

Please don't have children with this man. He wants to pay you to have his baby - in what world is that okay?

Time to make your exit plan
and never have sex with him again

He's very controlling and he bullies you. He'll do that to a child too. It will not get better.

Leave.

Doesn’t sound like a psychologically or emotionally safe relationship or environment for you to bringbup
a child in OP.

He wants a baby, you don’t. You’re both entitled to feel how you do. However, you’re incompatible regarding this, so split and live your own lives.

Tell him to get lost; he sounds awful.

I know that sounds like a throwaway comment, but I genuinely think you may have reached the end of the road with this person. First of all, the two of you are incompatible as life partners if he is absolutely set on having children, and you don't want them. Even more importantly, the fact that his response to your telling him you have this huge problem that impacts your planned/shared future is to yell and threaten you rather than showing concern and discussing it with you indicates that he is nowhere near ready to be a partner (or a parent).

Be gentle with yourself, because this is a lot to cope with - but also be honest with yourself. Breaking up will be painful but just from what you have written it seems like it's the only option, unless he changes his mind and agrees to discuss the situation openly with you.

Walk away. You already feel unsafe and put down. This will get worse.

Partner - says it all. hasn't married you.
is the property in his name ?

It sounds you you are dependant on him financially, at least to some extent.

There's more to life than money. This isn't a man to have a child with.

Your gut or intuition is screaming at you that this man is not right. Good on you for standing firm about not having a baby.

Please break up with him. You don't really need to tell him anything. You can just say "my feelings have changed" or "this isn't right for me, but I wish you well" and walk away.

Find someone who doesn't scare you, find someone with whom you can express a different opinion without a reprimand or a sulk. You sound very sensible with a good head for sensing bullshit. Don't let this man fool you/manipulate you into anything.

Oh god don't have a child with him. At all.

You will regret it. You will end up in a worse situation and another small person in the mix. He will be controlling using your child. You're afraid of him. Run.

@Aroundthecorner00 please don’t stay with him. You have to be able to have your own opinions and not be feeling you can’t. He is controlling. That is why you don’t feel willing to have kids with him - you will lose all control and he will be setting the narrative.

For the love of god do not have a child with this man.

Run for the hills! Good God, what sort of life would your child have with a father like that? You are worth more than this.

There is no point in continuing this relationship. It sounds awful.

So he's emotionally abusive and controlling, thinks he can buy your love and gets nasty when you don't follow his scripts.

For God's sake just leave. Right now. This is not a tough decision.

If he is trying to bully you into having a baby, what kind of father do you think he would make?

Listen to your gut x

Trust your instincts! Even if he were wonderful nobody is owed a child, money thrown at you or not.

He’s not the one. End it and move on so you can find someone you see a future with. You don’t owe him anything.

You shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who scares you and makes you feel unsafe. There is something very wrong if you feel this way. Please don't have a child with him. You need to end the relationship and leave. In a healthy relationship your partner would be kind and fun to be with, respectful of your opinions and he should feel like your safe place.

Reiterate what pp have said get out , you're not a possession he can't buy you.hes got issues and you've been sensible not to have a child with this man.

No no no he is a narcissist. Please do not succumb to blackmail! Count your blessings and leave.

Leave. End it. Go.

This man is a bully who sees you as property. Your life is a transaction - I gave you this, now you give me that.

How you feel is irrelevant to him, because to him you're not quite human. You're an appliance that's expected to function as required.

Do not inflict him on a child. Because he will behave like that to a poor helpless kid.

And that kid will then learn that this is how relationships are. Male or female, this example will harm them.

Do you have anyone? Parents, siblings?

I take it you aren't married. Make an appointment to see a solicitor and find out what your rights may be.

Look at your financial situation - do you work? Have savings? A pension?

Your main and hugely valid reason for not wanting a child with him is you don't feel safe. Because you wouldn't be safe and your instincts know it. And any children wouldn't be safe with him.

It's quite possible that with a good guy you'd embrace the thought of a family.

If you don't want a child wotj him then you need to tell him that clearly so, even if you won't leave him, he can make an informed.decision as to whether to stay with you...