I blocked DP this evening

[SpookyAllSeasons]

”D”P and I are expecting a baby in September this year. We don’t live together yet as our relationship is still quite new (couple of years) and I have a 17 year old DS from my previous marriage. I wanted to keep some stability for DS.

DP and I were starting to look at houses together as we would’ve liked to be living together by the time baby comes.

This weekend, we went to a gig 2 hours away and stayed in a hotel. We met up with 3 of his male friends when there and then they all started heavy drinking. I am still quite tired as I am only just out of my first trimester. I did tell him prior that I would need to reserve my energy for the gig. I was then walked around this city, freezing and exhausted from pub to pub before the gig started. I expressed that I wasn’t coping because all the bars were rowdy and busy. I was being knocked and there was nowhere to sit. I felt so vulnerable.

DP got in a huff, started marching us around the city again to find somewhere I could sit. He then made a comment to his friend about how he could “never do anything right” and I was mortified. I wanted to go back to the hotel.

Eventually we sat down for a bit, then went to the gig, where DP proceeded to get very drunk and smoked cigarettes right next to me (despite it being illegal in doors). We then left and I had to stand in the cold at midnight for an hour while we waited for a taxi. It was a horrible night.

After this I felt so depleted. I just feel so alone and unsupported in this pregnancy.

I made this known to him today and he kept asking whether I was leaving him. I told him I wasn’t sure what I wanted and hoped our conversation would shed light. Eventually, after saying he wouldn’t attend another gig tonight then backtracked, I was told to “fuck off”. I did tell him prior that I despaired and felt like I was done.

After telling me to “fuck off”, I blocked him. I feel like I deserve better than this. To me, this was disrespectful. I suspect he will still go to the gig as he wouldn’t want to let his friend down, but I feel like this will be the end for me if he prioritises the gig with her over coming to sort things with me.

I feel so low. I don’t know how to move forward. I guess I just needed to get this out. Thanks.

Well done. Sounds like you made a good decision. You don’t need a selfish pig as well as a baby to look after.

Ask yourself if you want your child growing up around this behaviour. Then throw this one back. Both you and your child deserve better.

This.

Good for you for standing up for yourself m you have to think about you child - would you want them to stay with a partner like that? I would tell my daughter to leave them. You don't want to teach them that this behaviour is in any way acceptable.

How old is he? He sounds completely immature. You did the right thing.

Well done on not moving in with him. Might be better to not move in with him at all.

He was goading you to leave him because he wanted to end it but was too chickenshit or because he knows it's shameful to leave a pregnant woman. He's probably not going to step up for the child if you continue the pregnancy.

Sorry that he showed his colours too late.

He’s 31, I am 34.

I left my relationship of 17 years due to similar behaviour. Apparently I haven’t learned a lot, but it certainly makes me walk away quicker.

He doesn't sound like he is ready to commit to being a father. Tbh with you I would be reconsidering whether to have this baby or not. ( I think you said you were early on in the pregnancy )

Tbh it should be the end for you whether he goes to the gig or not.

Don't accept being treated like shit.

Don't fool yourself that he'll stop.

Ooo not good. How daunting having a baby by yourself so suddenly. Keep strong.

I’m sorry op. He sounds absolutely awful and completely irresponsible and not ready to be a father I’m afraid.

If he can’t show a bit of care and decency towards you when pregnant; how on earth would he cope once the baby arrived?

You did the right thing to block him.

I’m really sorry as this leaves you in a very difficult situation which must be incredibly stressful.

Another man who gets a woman pregnant then gets cold feet and starts to behave like an arsehole. At 31 he's old enough to talk to you in a decent manner about your pregnancy, not get drunk and behave like a teenager

I’ll be honest, I feel like it’s the other way around. He was desperate for a baby and is obsessed with him/her already! It’s all he talks about, researches etc! He has all the apps and constantly talks about how excited he is to be a father. He was devastated every month when my period came. He told me when we first met that all he ever wanted was a child. I feel like all he cares about is this child and not me at all.

This was a planned baby? And you don't live together yet? Oh dear

He's obsessed on his terms. The reality has just shown you that he wants what he wants.

This wasn’t a priority right away because I wanted stability for my son for as long as possible. We knew that if I were to get pregnant, we could start looking for a home right away, which is what we were doing.

Well the blessing is that you don't live together. And you don't need to involve him until the baby is born, so take your space and heal before the baby comes. He's shown you who he really is, and now you know.

The thing is you could have an abortion if you don’t want to go through this alone

Similarly I would expect the scenario you have described with 3 men going to a concert

Their actions align with fairly typical behaviour of three guys

I don’t think they really did anything wrong?!

Possibly thought what should they sacrifice their experience to accommodate your pregnancy

Your mood was probably unpleasant for them - I mean that kindly

Are you in a position to be a single parent? Do you want that, could you make that work?

He doesn’t sound ready to be a father and the relationship sounds immature.

Are you sure you want to be committed to this man and this situation for the rest of your life? I personally would consider the option of not having the baby, since the relationship is unstable.

Do not let this person back into your life under any circumstances. Your boundaries here, already skewed by poor relationships, have been further got at by this individual now. Be on your own, it is far better than being with Mr Wrong.
You're being used by him as some sort of incubator as well; yet another red flag.

If you do decide to continue your pregnancy give this child your surname and do not put him on the birth certificate. You are going to be raising this child on your own in any case, he is not anywhere near being father material.

??
By having a baby with a man you don't even live with yet you've created even more instability for your son. You are only 34, you could have waited until your son was 18, then moved in together and tried for a baby a year after that.

The 3 friends all knew I had absolutely no issues with what they were doing. I only spoke very quietly to DP about how I was feeling. The 3 guys floated about a fair bit and would have been quite unaware. We all separated at the gig because they wanted to be closer but I needed to stand back further.

I saw nothing wrong with their behaviour either. But I did rely on DP to help me feel safe and comfortable while feeling so vulnerable. Perhaps that was my mistake.

That's equally worrying @SpookyAllSeasons , it sounds as if he's desperate for the baby but now you've become pregnant you've become less important, he's going to get what he wanted regardless. Be careful Op, if he thinks you're cutting off from the expected baby he may get very unpleasant.

Abortion isn’t an option for me. As hard as I believe it will be to raise this baby alone, I can’t abort him/her. I would never be able to get over it.