I blocked DP this evening

[SpookyAllSeasons]

”D”P and I are expecting a baby in September this year. We don’t live together yet as our relationship is still quite new (couple of years) and I have a 17 year old DS from my previous marriage. I wanted to keep some stability for DS.

DP and I were starting to look at houses together as we would’ve liked to be living together by the time baby comes.

This weekend, we went to a gig 2 hours away and stayed in a hotel. We met up with 3 of his male friends when there and then they all started heavy drinking. I am still quite tired as I am only just out of my first trimester. I did tell him prior that I would need to reserve my energy for the gig. I was then walked around this city, freezing and exhausted from pub to pub before the gig started. I expressed that I wasn’t coping because all the bars were rowdy and busy. I was being knocked and there was nowhere to sit. I felt so vulnerable.

DP got in a huff, started marching us around the city again to find somewhere I could sit. He then made a comment to his friend about how he could “never do anything right” and I was mortified. I wanted to go back to the hotel.

Eventually we sat down for a bit, then went to the gig, where DP proceeded to get very drunk and smoked cigarettes right next to me (despite it being illegal in doors). We then left and I had to stand in the cold at midnight for an hour while we waited for a taxi. It was a horrible night.

After this I felt so depleted. I just feel so alone and unsupported in this pregnancy.

I made this known to him today and he kept asking whether I was leaving him. I told him I wasn’t sure what I wanted and hoped our conversation would shed light. Eventually, after saying he wouldn’t attend another gig tonight then backtracked, I was told to “fuck off”. I did tell him prior that I despaired and felt like I was done.

After telling me to “fuck off”, I blocked him. I feel like I deserve better than this. To me, this was disrespectful. I suspect he will still go to the gig as he wouldn’t want to let his friend down, but I feel like this will be the end for me if he prioritises the gig with her over coming to sort things with me.

I feel so low. I don’t know how to move forward. I guess I just needed to get this out. Thanks.

Not desperate enough to marry you and provide a home first, though, eh?

so many of them just want to prove to the world that their dick works; they don’t really want to be tied down to the financial and practical responsibilities.

He's so obsessed with the baby yet he smokes right next to you in a confined space where you can't get away from the smoke. What a smashing fella.

Genuinely OP, this has trouble written all over it. Is this the first time he's behaved like a prick?

Well... you're stuck with him in your life for the next 18yrs or so now.

Essentially, he wanted to do what he wanted to do, and wasn't prepared to compromise because of your pregnancy. A man so desperate for a baby, yet couldn't be bothered to adapted his evening to make sure his pregnant partner was comfortable and felt safe. That's not a man desperate for a baby, that's a man who likes the idea of having a baby and being a Dad. Your partner's little fantasy that he's built up in his mind, of parenthood, is going to come crashing down, when reality hits. He's hardly being Mr Considerate now, what do you think he's going to be like once the baby is born?!!!! When he realises being a Dad, means he has real responsibilities, he can't do as he wishes and has to put other people before himself. Honestly, from what you've said, he doesn't sound ready or mature enough to be a Dad. He's too selfish, and self-centred. You may be doing this on your own, sadly. However, it's better than being with someone who's going to disrespect you.

I'd keep him blocked. For good.

🙄

I do sympathise…but why were you so passive?

I think after the first sign of DP being pissed and smoking and being dragged round pubs I would have said right I’m off to the hotel, see you after the gig, and just taken myself off for a nice lie down with a take away.

Sorry but that’s totally irresponsible.

You are both acting like 12 year olds.

This sounds like some strange type of love bombing involving fatherhood op! Be careful! What do you know about this man and his previous relationships?

I think I would ignore his words and look at his actions. When it came to the very first pregnancy related challenge you both encountered; he completely failed the test, prioritising his enjoyment of the night with his mates, rather than your safety and comfort.

And he smoked near you!

And tonight he’s attending a gig with a female friend?

It's your decision entirely how you proceed with the pregnancy op but these events are very fresh. Maybe take a few days to see how you feel and maybe seek some pregnancy counselling?

I’m not saying you are like this, but this all sounds like a very immature, unstable, and overly dramatic situation in to which to bring a baby, especially when a night out is a completely avoidable situation.

In the nicest possible way, why did you go to the gig? It clearly wasn't suitable for the way you were feeling and your needs and their needs were obviously incompatible. It was bound to cause problems

If he's usually fine, I'd chalk it up to experience and let this one go, following a decent chat about expectations and the way he thought it was acceptable to speak to me

If this is typical behaviour every time things don't quite go his way, I'd move on.

What stopped you from saying “lads I’ll leave you to it for the next few hours- I need a lie down at the hotel because of the baby. I’ll see you all outside the venue at x time. Have the best time- see you all later!”

Take care of your own needs first! No reason whatsoever to be “dragged around” when you’re tired.

Why did you get pregnant before living together. That’s a bit backwards.

you did the right thing, however you could of just gone back to the hotel to begin with.

The hotel was too far from the city centre and arena. If I’d have gone back, I would have had maybe 20 minutes before I would have had to go back.

If you're so tired it sounds as if the gig was never a good idea, let alone with a pub crawl first!

The whole thing seems badly planned.

As does the pregnancy tbh.

I’m not sure what the point of blocking him is. You’re having a baby together. If you are not open to abortion then you will have ties to this man for the rest of his/her life. At some point you will need to communicate. I think blocking only works if you have no ties or reasons to see each other again.

However, the way he’s behaved is appalling. You are doing the heaving lifting of carrying and eventually birthing the precious child that he craves but he actually tells you to F*ck off! Nope, I would have gone back to the hotel. I wouldn’t block him but would not respond until I got a sincere apology for using that language toward me. And a promise that nothing like that would happen again. Then you can decide if you believe him and want to give him another chance.

Then you HAVE learned. Don’t talk down how huge that is.

One ‘fuck off’ and you do. That’s massive progress. Good job.

Ah no that’a crap for you OP. I’m sorry.

What a load of rubbish! If my husband's gig going friends knew I was pregnant and tired, they wouldn't have wanted us to spend the evening before the gig started traipsing around pubs, they would have agreed (or even suggested!) that we find somewhere to meet where we could sit down. It's hardly spoiling their experience!

It sounds like he was caught between you and his mates hes thoughtless for not going somewhere suitable with you but was probably caught up having a good time with mates. It sounds like you were not in the best health to go to a standing gig and he wasn't going to ask his mates to go to quiet pubs with plenty seating as you weren't coping. In your shoes when you checked in I'd have left them to it if they visited that many pubs you could have rested for a few hours and got a taxi to the gig.
Blocking is childish what do you hope to achieve? You said he's excited for the baby if you don't want to be in a relationship at least keep things civil.

This has disaster written all over it! The good news is that you aren't married and don't live together, so you are free to give the baby your own last name and not put his name on the bc, as that would give him automatic parental rights from the get go. You need to proceed extremely cautiously because he sounds like he could go all out to assert his rights and make your life very hard, since he seems to be all about wanting a baby and treating you like an incubator and not a partner that he should be caring for.
Any man who told me to fuck off would not ever be welcomed back into my life!

You want stability for your son so you decided to get pregnant with his half sibling and move house and move him in with your partner of 2 years, all in the space of a few months? Which part of that was considering what was best for him?

I suspect he will still go to the gig as he wouldn’t want to let his friend down, but I feel like this will be the end for me if he prioritises the gig with her over coming to sort things with me.

YABVU

Honestly if my DP wanted me to cancel my planned night out with a friend to sort things with him, then I would end the relationship.

Half of the stuff you said wasn’t your DPs fault and so I don’t understand why you’re blaming him.
Why was it his fault that you had to stand to wait for a taxi?

He was being a twat to smoke around you.

This relationship obviously doesn’t work and so perhaps it’s better to end things and work out how to co-parent separately now before the baby comes.

I don’t understand why you decided to have a baby when it sounds like you don’t even know each other and definitely aren’t compatible.

Absolutely this!!

I wouldn’t have gone out with them if I was feeling so tired.

Or I would have left to go back to the hotel or go to a cafe and met them later on.

He was having a night out with his friends and you wanted to tag along but then were annoyed at their plans, which of course is going to involve pubs and drinking.

You need to realise that if you are pregnant there are things you can’t do/don’t want to do.
You can’t have it both ways.

And now you’re annoyed that he’s going to a gig with a friend as planned, instead of seeing you.

If it’s like this in the first trimester, I dread to think what the rest of the pregnancy will be like, let alone once you’ve had the baby.

This is so arse about face.

You don't want to disrupt your son's stability but you're having a baby when he's 17 and were actively trying to get pregnant without having lived with your partner?

It's done now and no point in raking over the flaws in your logic here, anymore, I suppose. I completely understand your position on abortion and that you've bonded with the baby. You were right to walk away from him, but he can't stay blocked forever. Assuming he's genuine in his desire for this child, you're saddled with in one way or another for the next 18 years.