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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I contact him after 5 and a half years??

111 replies

Warmautumnbreeze · 14/03/2025 18:48

5ish years ago I met a man on a night out and we met up a few times for day dates and were in touch daily over WhatsApp and phone calls. He lived around an hours drive from me and we both had kids so we didn't see each other much, but when we did I got to know him a bit and found he was really genuine and kind.

It didn't really go anywhere because I'd only been divorced about a year, my kids were still young and I didn't feel I could give a relationship or him the time he would deserve. So I broke it off and he was really understanding and said he'd want to remain friends. We're friends on Facebook and would occasionally comment on each other's posts, wish happy birthday etc. One day I sent him a message and I could tell from his reply he was calling a day on us being in touch, and shortly after I saw on Facebook that he was in a relationship. Fine, I was happy for him, he's a lovely guy.

I haven't had any relationships since my divorce (I'm not counting what I had with this man as a relationship because it was so short lived). I have occasionally thought of this man and felt fondly of him and thought I hope he's happy and then thought nothing more of it.

Anyway, to the point. Today I decided to clear up my WhatsApp, I had groups and message threads in there back to 2018. I came across my chat with this man and re read it and was reminded of how lovely he was, and I felt like it was a shame I let a decent man go as there aren't that many around (I certainly haven't found any!). Out of curiosity I looked on his Facebook and can see he is now single. I feel like I want to reconnect with him and see how he is and how the last few years have been since we last spoke. Maybe even see if something could happen between us again.

I'm undecided what I should do and don't want to ask people irl about this so I'm asking the wise women of mumsnet, what do you think I should do? Contact him or not contact him?

OP posts:
Justme2023123 · 14/03/2025 18:56

Do it! Worst he can say is no.

TwistedWonder · 14/03/2025 18:57

Send him a message - what’s worst that can happen?

Enko · 14/03/2025 18:58

Yes send him a message

FidosMum84 · 14/03/2025 18:58

You won’t know unless you try.
But be prepared for all outcomes and don’t hold out hope that he’ll feel the same. A lot of time has passed. Or he might? What have you got to lose?

PieCorner · 14/03/2025 18:59

He who dares, OP!

stayathomer · 14/03/2025 18:59

I agree with go for it and 🤞

HomeBodyClub · 14/03/2025 19:03

I wouldn’t. I hate when men text me after X amount of years.

I always think who the hell are you and why do you remember me?

HomeBodyClub · 14/03/2025 19:06

Plus he’s already given you the brush off in the past. A man would be told to take the hint if he posted this.

EBearhug · 14/03/2025 19:11

I recently got in touch with someone I used to see about 25 years ago. I said I had seen something that reminded me of him,looked him up online, and just wanted to say hi, hope he's doing well. And he is, married with a child, career doing well. I wasn't sure he'd remember me, but he did.

So I would get in touch and just say something like, "Hi, I was thinking about you and wondered how you're doing. Hope all is well," or similar.

winter8090 · 14/03/2025 19:15

If he’s single send him a message.
HOWEVER are you sure he’s right for you? You were fine with giving him up all those years ago and I think that may be a sign.

Nothing to lose by getting in touch though.

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 14/03/2025 19:19

I’d message him as it’s better than spending the rest of your life wondering what if

Newname25 · 14/03/2025 19:33

Go for it!

CandidGoldRobin · 14/03/2025 20:06

I would say go for it, what have you got to lose? Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time and have to be willing to wait for the right time!
I did after dating someone briefly 14 years ago whom I really liked but we both knew deep down the timing wasn’t right. Remained friends on fb which inevitably fizzled out as life moved on. But after 10 years I got back in touch during lockdown… and the rest is history. I now have an amazing partner, DSC a toddler and a busy home full of happiness. Life changed beyond what I could ever have imagined all because of that message.

BendingSpoons · 14/03/2025 20:13

Go for it! He may have cut contact before because he had met someone else. He may not be interested but at least you know.

EBearhug · 14/03/2025 20:18

If you don't do it, you'll always be wondering, "what if?"

2025willbemytime · 14/03/2025 20:21

Definitely message. An ex and I did this. Eventually it did happen at the right time.

DivorcedMumOfAdults · 14/03/2025 20:28

Nothing ventured nothing gained

Punishmentforthis · 14/03/2025 20:31

Yes, contact him and report back. I love a good romance even if it is someone else’s 🤷‍♂️

Burntout101 · 14/03/2025 20:32

Do it and keep us updated 😁

MadeForThis · 14/03/2025 20:34

What's to lose? It's not like you'll see him every day if he says no!

Icyboy · 14/03/2025 20:35

Nah that ships sailed, call it a day.

ParrotParty · 14/03/2025 20:35

HomeBodyClub · 14/03/2025 19:06

Plus he’s already given you the brush off in the past. A man would be told to take the hint if he posted this.

That was when he was getting into a relationship, which is another positive sign that he's decent.

Marie8611 · 14/03/2025 20:37

Absolutely message him! You never know and the worst thing would be looking back and regretting not getting in touch! For all you know, he may be thinking the exact same thing about you! X

larkstar · 14/03/2025 20:41

Undecided!!? Hit yourself on the head with a frying pan. Of course, yes, message him. Life is short!

Saddteacher · 14/03/2025 20:42

Absolutely send a message. What’s the worst that can happen ? Good luck x