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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need a good rant - advice also helpful!

503 replies

Sunflowers67 · 12/03/2025 12:21

So, we have been together about 15 years now - living together for 14 of those.
I always knew he was a little 'quirky' but I suppose with family, friends, busy career, I was able to handle it better.
Now, we are both semi retired, my dad passed away so my mum lives with us (not easy, but what else can an only child do), the kids have left home and his 'quirky' little ways are far more noticeable, annoying and darn right hurtful at times.
We are also due to get married in two weeks and I don't think I'm gonna do it. It wont bother him if we don't, he'll just shrug his shoulders and carry on as usual. He wont leave our home or threaten to end the relationship - he never does. Sometimes I wish there would be a huge display of emotion and anger and then we can both just shout at each other, get it out of our systems and then communicate and repair. But he doesn't communicate, he never sees a problem and I am increasingly becoming immune and unfeeling towards him - I suppose its a form of self protection.
We have separate bedrooms, seperate interests and I would say we have lived together like two mates for years - except I don't treat my mates like this.

So, what does he do that is so bad? he doesn't drink much, he is not a cheat, he is not secretive, he would help anyone (except me), he tolerates my mother living with us, he gets on well with my grown up kids (he chooses not to see his family).
He has no emotions, he cannot 'read a room', he doesnt know when I am sad or worried or down as he cannot recognise body language or facial expressions. I have felt for quite some time that he is maybe autistic (his son is, which is why he chooses not to see him - he cant handle the skewed thoughts and strange behaviours from him and never did when he was a small child - the boy was raised by his alcoholic mother, we tried for custody but because we didn't get it, my other half then decided to not see the boy).
Not my style of parenting, but it was his choice.
Now, as we are getting on in years and my health has taken a down turn, I need his support and understanding more. And it isn't there. But then it never was.
I spend my days doing my own thing around the large property that we have - if we try and do something together, gardening, cleaning, maintenance, he just gets frustrated that I'm not doing it his way! So we work separately.
Many a time I have tried to talk to him and he takes it so personally, gets angry, wants very specific examples of how his behaviour has hurt me - and even if I do remember specifics, he then disputes it and turns it all around so as its me with the problem.
Then I am the one more upset, the one staying in my room wondering how my life amounted to this? And what dooes he do whilst I'm upset? He is carrying on as normal, in his own little world. He'll put some music on, he will sing and whistle and be merry. I suppose in his mind, this is me being me - moody, upset and I will snap out of it in a few days. Which I do. The hurt dissipates a little so I carry on functioning normally again - I will talk to him, I will get busy and then round we go again. Same old same old.
I have given up trying to talk to him, I know it does no good. I have tried to get us into some counselling but no where near me does 'couples counselling' - he is willing to go if I find somewhere. He is probably hoping that a counsellor will point out 'the error of my ways'.
I think what bothers me the most is the fact that it doesn't bother him that we are like this - that he is not upset, he doesn't try to talk to me about us, there is just nothing there with him.
I am upstairs now, typing this, and I can hear him downstairs singing away, happy and joyful. I feel like I want to go downstairs and hit him with the large skillet and scream 'feel that buster?!' - I wont, I'm not a violent person. But god does he bring out the worst in me.

Going our separate ways is probably the best option but its quite a scary thought to go it alone after 15 years - and then splitting all the assets, looking after mother, tending to this large place/or even having to sell it and split the proceeds, lawyers. He also would not leave the home so we would be living in more hell until everything was finalised and I am the only one that feels the pain of that.

I suppose I really want us/him to change. And I'm old enough to know that wont happen - been there/divorced that many years ago.

Thank you for letting me offload.

OP posts:
Sunflowers67 · 29/04/2025 00:41

That's a good idea - mum used to have a care alarm pendant that she wore when she lived alone 🤔I am meeting with my domestic abuse support worker in a couple of days and will see if she has any further ideas.

I agree that he is holding out for more - he feels entitled. I am not going to fight and draw this out any longer than necessary as long as his request is reasonable. This is not just my home or 'investment' - my dear old dad worked hard to provide for me and my mum and I will be darned if some nasty, greedy, bullying little man is going to get more than his 'fair & legal' share.

OP posts:
Sunflowers67 · 01/05/2025 00:31

Busy 24 hours and I am exhausted.
No sleep last night and I think I am just getting through today on nervous energy and lots of caffeine.
He started his usual shouting, swearing and thumping on the bedroom floor/walls at about 8pm. By 11pm it was getting worse - he had turned the computer volume up on high so I could hear all the chimes/bells etc from an online casino.
I could hear ring pulls being pulled every 15 minutes and his singing of inane songs about 'fcking cnts" - obviously directed at me in the bedroom next door & trying to sleep.
He left his room every half hour or so to stagger into the bathroom, crashing against walls and doors as he went and then laughing at himself.
By 4am (still no sleep for me) I am in desperate need of a wee myself - now this is a problem for me. I don't want to unlock my door and go to the bathroom. I scan the bedroom for a suitable receptacle - there is nothing. I even considered weeing onto a pillow for absorbency and then I'd throw it away when it's morning/daylight/safer.

Then I thought to myself - this is hideous. What an awful way to live. Behind a locked door and unable to even go to my bathroom. So I did. The moment I was in there, he comes out of his room. He tried the bathroom door (locked) and then hung around outside the door for what seemed like an eternity. I swear I can even smell his beer breath from in there.
More staggering and crashing into things and he goes back to this bedroom - slamming the door so hard that the bathroom door rattled. I hurried back to my room and locked it up.
4.30am - I am so tired I fall asleep and he must have elapsed into his drunken slumber too.
7.30am - I'm up as there is work to do, mum's breakfast to do, animals to feed - the usual day to day stuff. No sign of him but the hallway stinks of booze.
Midday - Most of the work is done - I get a text from him "I've been really poorly all night so need to sleep and rest" - I, as usual do not reply.
I go and sit up the garden, listen to the trees and the birds and keep calm. My mantra is 'you are nothing to me'.
Come back into the house and my mum says "I was just talking to 'X' - he's been so poorly in the night - he looked terrible too" - and she has pity in her voice for him.
I do not tell her that he isn't poorly - that's he is hungover again. I don't tell her that he kept me awake all night with his gambling, drinking and shouting about what a 'C*unt" I am.

Wy even text me his lies. He must know/remember that he did it all on purpose to keep me awake. Surely he doesn't believe his own lies.

Befuddled is not the word.

And here I sit at gone midnight, desperate for sleep and rest but he is out at the pub again and I am on high alert waiting for him and wondering what state he will be in.
Sleep wont happen as much as I want it until I here him come in quietly and go to his room or start kicking off again.

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 01/05/2025 05:21

Oh @Sunflowers67 I'm so sorry he is being total twat.

Is there any way to record what he is doing so you have evidence for the police because this over a sustained period is enough to get an occupation order.

Has your solicitor written to him about progressing things?

When is your son coming up?

Sending hugs to you and your Mum ❤️

eatreadsleeprepeat · 01/05/2025 09:25

Am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I am filled with admiration for your strength in keeping going but worry about what he will escalate to if his current strategy doesn’t get a reaction.
It must be incredibly frustrating that he is clever enough to do this mainly when there are no witnesses. Would it be possible if he goes to the pub this evening to have your son or a friend come in and go to your room, you take yourself to somewhere else, in the house or not. If he then starts with the music, noise, shouting etc someone else hears it all. Even better if they let him know after a while that it wasn’t you.?

S0j0urn4r · 01/05/2025 09:33

I had a mantra, too. "I'm stronger than you!"

kellygoeswest · 01/05/2025 11:17

I hope you're doing okay and I'm sorry about how terrible the last few days have been, a stark reminder that you've made the right decision with him.

Have you had your meeting with the domestic abuse support worker yet? Are you managing to keep a diary/log of everything? (I know you have a lot going on with running the business on your own too!)

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 01/05/2025 12:10

I would use this thread to take notes from,for your domestic abuse worker. He is ramping up the awful behaviour and you need support.

Sunflowers67 · 01/05/2025 21:01

Thank you everyone - your support at the end of the keyboard is keeping me strong and focused.
Today I had a planned meeting with the lovely WPC at the local police station. They have all been so supportive.
Because of the last incident a couple of days ago, I don't think a statement was taken so we got talking - I cried more than talked I think.
I am fine until someone says those dreaded words "are you okay?" then it all just bubbles over and I am no longer strong.
Because of this latest incident, entries in my paper journal, the icky sex stuff - they went and arrested him.
At the moment, me and mum are at home wondering what will happen if and when they release him. From my understanding, they can hold him for up to 24 hours whilst they investigate further, interview him and then someone decides if he is charged or not. They kept saying it was rape - which I am really struggling with.
Okay, he wanted me to do things to make him 'happy' or to 'prove I love him' - I would refuse, he would badger me or sulk or get angry. He was fully aware of what my boundaries were - I had talked to him on many occasions about how unacceptable his sexual preferences were to me - but rape? I will have to look that up in more detail later because I am ashamed to say that rape to me is the late night, dark alley, forceful intercourse scenario.

So - I don't know what happens now. I do know that I can sleep tonight, I can feel relatively safe tonight and that I can go to the bathroom if I need a wee in the night.

My children are mustering and organising a rota to stay with me and mum.

This is so scary - and I am not sure what I am more scared of. Him being released back to here and really having nothing to lose and just doing what he wants to me - we all know that a locked door doesn't prevent someone determined enough.

Strangely, I feel sorry him. This was a man that I loved dearly, I didn't want any of this or deserve any of this - I was always good and kind and loving to him. I feel like I want to go into a field and just scream!

Thank you everyone for allowing me to offload 😘

OP posts:
Molstraat · 01/05/2025 22:41

Read up on Coercive sex.
Coercive mating.
It is rape.
It is a crime.
He is a criminal.

eatreadsleeprepeat · 01/05/2025 23:35

Am very relieved that things have progressed in a way that gives you some peace and that your children are going to be an additional presence. Am sure you have many very mixed emotions but I hope you at least get a restful night.

S0j0urn4r · 02/05/2025 00:13

Keep going 🤗

Cornishclio · 02/05/2025 07:20

Don’t feel sorry for this man. He sounds awful and if forces sexual acts on you without your consent that is rape. I am glad your children are supporting you. He needs to go asap. I hope the police do charge him.

Daleksatemyshed · 02/05/2025 08:47

The police wouldn't have arrested him unless they could clearly see wrong doing Op, just let them do their job while you have some peace and a decent sleep. The rota is a great idea, hopefully he won't want to show himself up infront of your DC. Stay strong @Sunflowers67 and enjoy the quiet

RandomMess · 02/05/2025 10:09

Please please get an emergency occupation order for the home, now today.

DorothywiththeRedShoes · 02/05/2025 11:43

Stay strong @Sunflowers67

When I was a young girl my boyfriend would do this to me. Only 25 years later and lots of therapy have I realised it was rape.

You are going through an awful time but hold onto the fact that this will end and he will be out of your life forever.
You are an amazing a strong lady to put a stop to this and seeing him for who he really is. If you start to feel sorry for him just remember ye nights with him shouting and making you fearful in your own home. Sending love x

user1471538283 · 02/05/2025 18:25

My ex was like this. He used to upset me and then laugh, dance, put music on loudly. He enjoyed my distress. He just couldn't believe that I pulled the plug. He used to accuse me of cheating or being mentally ill.

Your ex DP is scared. He's going to lose everything and him playing nice hasn't changed his mind so he'll try to be nasty.

I'm really concerned at him ramping up his behaviour.

Sunflowers67 · 02/05/2025 22:53

Strange old day. Not much sleep last night sadly as I was on alert for even the slightest sound, creak of the old floorboards, water rattling in the pipes, security lighting going on all through the night - none of that is unusual here but I was quite spooked.
Daytime I have just kept busy around the place, concentrated on practical matters but my mind is just a fog. I had a long chat with my domestic abuse support lady, family have been checking in on me and mum, friends from my previous home, a million miles away, have been making sure I am okay - everyone has been great and so supportive - but despite all the reassurances and good wishes, my mind will not quieten down.
I waiver between how terrible this is for him, questioning myself all over again about what I did wrong and where am I accountable for all of this, to being really strong and doing what I know is right. Not just right, but necessary.
It is all so sad and disappointing - I thought our future was mapped out. I thought we would retire together, look after each other into our old age, visit all the places we wanted to go to - just be there for each other. Now it's just me - left with the pieces of yes, a broken heart.

I guess in these situations there isn't just the relationship being over, which we all know is hard enough - it's also having to deal with making sense and coming to terms with the fact that he abused me as well. And yes he did - he abused me time and time again. He couldn't have loved me or cared about me - it was all a fantasy. I saw what I wanted to see, I excused his behaviour.

I'm still a snotty sobbing mess when its quiet and I know that is okay, I just hate crying. I hate this person that I am at the moment. Where am I now, where is the real me, who am I if I am not the other half of that couple that we were?
It just feels so heart breaking - I feel like I am breaking in half.

I still feel like a prisoner in my home too - I know he is out there somewhere, still local so I don't want to leave home at all. A dog walk in the countryside or on the beach would have done me good, I need to collect medications for me and mum, we need shopping - but I'm now scared to leave home! I dont recognise this person that I am - scared to leave my bedroom to go to the bathroom, scared to sleep, scared to say anything - just scared, scared and more scared.

My daughter has arrived this evening, I'm arranging a phone line into mum's room to make her feel safer and I am trying to hold it all together. I am trying to go easy on myself - I have been sleep deprived for so long with his shouting and drunken behaviour, living in fear of what may happen next, that I am bound to be emotional.
I even laughed briefly today - something one of the animals did made me laugh out loud. I don't remember the last time I laughed. Months rather than days that's for sure.

I'm going to try and sleep - my daughter is here, the CCTV works, my son is also monitoring the ring doorbell and CCTV cameras and everyone says "he would have to be mad to come here whilst under this restraining (?) order" - but I have felt for some months now that this is just what he is.

Mind, shut up, let me sleep now please.

OP posts:
Subwaystop · 03/05/2025 02:56

So glad your kids and friends are there for you. And that you are there for you - self aware, gentle, reflective, full of humor and understanding. Let your mind buzz, it will quiet down soon enough.

I guess he’s out and you haven’t heard from him? Did you hear from the cops?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 03/05/2025 06:43

I don’t know how you have coped for so long.
Has he been released?
You have done your best, I don’t know how you have managed your mum and the business as well.
I hope the future holds peace for you. You deserve it.

user1471538283 · 03/05/2025 07:01

I know it doesn't feel it but you've done and are doing brilliantly. You are overwhelmed and that's why you can't sleep. One day soon he will be gone and you will feel yourself lift. You can then properly process everything.

I didn't recognise myself by the time my ex left. Your ex wouldn't have ever been there for you as he wasn't before. But you've got fabulous people around you.

Please stop worrying about him. People like him are always okay. And even if he isn't he is not your responsibility. When my ex finally left and I stood there shaking and in tears he was cheery, he didn't even feel the slightest compassion that we would give a stranger.

Sunflowers67 · 03/05/2025 10:54

Thank you everyone - these virtual hand holds are my salvation at the moment. As much as I feel such compassion and admiration for what everyone has been through - it really helps to know that there is a future after all of this and reading about your own experiences helps me to process and validate it in my own mind - despite my mind still in overdrive.
I feel like I have spent most of my time in the last few months reading every article ever published about emotional abuse - I never really expected to see his behaviours and his treatment of me printed in black and white - but there they all are.

Last night I was alternating between grabbing an hours sleep, listening to noises, getting a cup of tea and then of course needing a wee every hour - but at least it is safe to go to the bathroom now. Its one of my new found pleasures - I can even leave the bathroom door open whilst I have a wee - that feels like a luxury.

I have been reading up on sexual abuse/coercive sexual abuse. Again, reading every article available and trying to process it. I think my mind is really having trouble with that little nugget despite him doing pretty much everything I have read.

I'm going to copy one of them and post it on the next message - just so as I can re-read in times of weakness and mind fogs. Please don't read it if you are upset by that sort of nastiness.

OP posts:
Arancia · 03/05/2025 11:16

I'm sorry, but this is mostly on you. You chose to commit to a man who doesn't bother with his own child - and minimising it by calling being a shitty, absent dad a "quirk" - and now you expect him to ve there for YOU?! HA! If he doesn't give a crap about his own son, he's not going to give a crap about you.

Good luck.

AgentJohnson · 03/05/2025 11:28

Him cutting contact with his child should have been a huge sign but apparently not huge enough.

This is who he is and won’t change but you’re wants/ needs have. If this is not the life you want five years from now, then now is the time to change it.

Sunflowers67 · 03/05/2025 11:52

"If you don’t really want to have sex but agree because you feel obligated or don’t want the other person to get mad, you aren’t consenting voluntarily.
Coercion happens when someone wants you to consent when you’ve already said no or otherwise expressed disinterest. They might use threats, persuasion, and other tactics to get the outcome they want".

"Everyone has the right to decide when they do and don’t want to have sex. Once you say no, your partner should respect that. Any threats, wheedles, guilt trips, or other persuasion intended to wear you down counts as coercion"

"Let’s say you tell them, “I’m not feeling it tonight.”
They reply, “That’s OK. I’m happy just massaging you, unless you want me to stop.”
This gives you the choice to continue the current level of intimacy with no pressure for more.
If, a little later on, you decide you actually do feel like sex, this isn’t coercion — as long as the decision really does come from you.
It would, however, be coercive if they insist they want to help you relax, but then ask repeatedly, “Are you sure you aren’t feeling a little sexier after all this massaging?”

Constantly - he used to offer me a massage if my back was particularly painful - but it never stopped at a massage and it was not for my benefit. He hoped it would lead to sex despite the pain I was in. It would make me feel like he had spent ten minutes massaging me, to help me, being kind and caring to want to do that for me so I would feel obligated to 'reward' him (? if that's the right word). He knew the pain I was in but would would try everything to get me to have sex.

A partner might threaten to dump you:
“People in relationships have sex. If we aren’t going to have sex, I think we should break up.”
He wouldn't threaten to end the relationship as I was needed by him - I did everything, sorted everything, organised everything - I was useful to him.

Someone might try to convince you to have sex by suggesting that saying “no” means there’s something wrong with you.
Always - his words did not compute with his actions for me. He would say he understood, he would say I know what pain you are in but he would still carry on trying to persuade me or suggest that I was depressed (when he was in 'kind' mode - when he was in 'not kind mode' it would be telling me that I was frigid, abnormal, needed help).

In a relationship, a partner might try to manipulate your emotions in order to get you to change your mind about having sex or doing anything else.
When people use their emotions deliberately to try and convince you to do what they want, that’s coercion.
Perhaps they say, “Oh, I understand” or “That’s fine” but their body language tells a different story. They stomp off, slam doors, and sigh heavily. Maybe they hang their head as they walk away, or even burst into tears.

His words rarely didn't match his actions. He would say he understood but then would withdraw from me - he would withdraw any kindness or affection and I would then be upset, confused, cry - he would then see that as further validation that I was the mental one and depressed. He would not continue to do what we were doing, maybe watching TV or we would have had a meal out and he would just go off to bed or get more alcohol - I could feel his displeasure - I could feel it in the room like a thick cloud. I felt guilty, I felt that I was abnormal and that I was destroying our relationship. I would try and have sex with him now and then to save our relationship.

This relentless pestering can also happen in a relationship.
Perhaps you haven’t felt like sex recently because of physical health concerns, stress, or anything else.
Instead of asking how they can offer support, your partner asks almost daily, “Do you think you’ll feel up to sex tonight?”

Originally it was very frequent - it became emotionally exhausting to have that guilt put on me on a regular basis. I tried to be more tactile with him as I am aware that I have never been an overly hugging and kissing person 'just for the sake of it' - I started to hug him more or kiss him - he would always grab my breasts or grab at my vagina through my clothes. I stopped trying to connect with him.

Maybe they drop subtler hints instead:
“Can’t wait until you’re feeling better.”
“I’ll do the dishes if that means some sexy time later.”

Guilt is another common coercion tactic.
Your feelings for someone can make you more vulnerable to guilt. You care for them, so you don’t want to hurt them, but they might take advantage of that.
For example:
“I’ve been feeling so lonely. I really need you right now.”
We haven’t had sex in over a week, and it’s really difficult for me to go so long without.”
“I can’t believe you don’t want to have sex on our anniversary. You must not really love me as much as you say you do.”
People can also make you feel guilty by spinning the situation to make it seem as if you’ve done something wrong:
“You haven’t wanted to have sex much lately. You must be cheating. If you aren’t, then prove it by showing me you want me.”

Even if you don’t feel like having sex, you might still want to connect by kissing, cuddling, talking, or relaxing together.
But they could try to pressure you into changing your mind about sex by treating you badly until you agree.
They might:
get up abruptly or push you away
completely shut down
make mocking or rude comments

Insisting you have to follow through
Consenting to sex once doesn’t mean consenting every time. In the same vein, you can always withdraw consent after you’ve given it.
So if you say, “Hang on, I’m not feeling so good about this after all,” or “Let’s take a break,” your partner needs to respect that and stop, immediately.
Any other response veers into coercion territory.
For example:
“But you said we could have sex tonight.”
“I’m so turned on, I can’t stand it. We have to keep going.”
“I’m so frustrated and stressed, I need this.”
These responses reflect what they want, not any concern for how you feel.

All of that - it was always about him. Penetrative sex always seemed to be something he wanted over with as quick as possible, then he would say "my turn now" - like the actual sex was for me and not him. He wanted to cross boundaries that he knew I didn't like, let alone enjoy - I felt that was my fault because now and the I would let him so he didn't understand why I wouldn't do it on that occasion then. It always felt like he didn't enjoy the penetrative sex part and got his pleasure from the stuff I didn't like.

A respectful person will probably notice from your body language that you feel uncomfortable, and they’ll take a moment to find out if everything’s all right.
Someone who begins initiating sexual contact without first discussing boundaries or asking what you’d like to do may hope you’ll just go along with what they want to do. Maybe they even wake you up for sex, disrupting your sleep and hoping you’ll be too tired to protest.

More so when he was drunk or the next morning when he felt bad for himself - he would come into my bedroom on the pretext of wanting a cuddle to make him feel better - especially if he was hungover or had lost money gambling. I used to love having cuddles and feeling close to him - but then he'd start touching me sexually and I knew he didn't want the cuddle - he'd then huff, roll over, sometimes just leave the room when I said I wasn't in the mood or in pain. He's then say "how about a blow job then?" or "you can just lie there, it wont take me long" - if he even noticed how upset or sad I was at those comments he would then say "I was only joking - for fucks sake, you are so emotional".

If you’re experiencing ongoing coercion from a partner you want to maintain a relationship with, start by having a talk with them. Explain how their attempts to pressure you make you feel and tell them they must respect your boundaries for the relationship to continue.

I did - on many occasions. I even wrote it all down hoping he would understand better as he always tied me in knots if we had any relationship discussions. He just turned everything around to be my fault, he didn't take criticism in any shape or form, he was always right and I'd end up just feeling worse. I gave us talking to him in the end. I knew I wasn't depressed or confused, I knew the truth BUT I still couldn't make sense of it. My only reality, something that I could understand and make sense of it, was it had to be me. Maybe I was mental, depressed, having a breakdown, not normal to not enjoy sex with him.

The No BS Guide to Setting Healthy Boundaries in Real Life

Setting boundaries is about giving yourself agency and empowerment. Here are exercises, questions, and methods to try when setting boundaries with your friends, co-workers, or in romantic relationships.

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 03/05/2025 12:11

Just read all your posts, OP. Just keep going: one foot in front of the other.

Remember: he is not a problem you have to solve logically or with legal proof. He is a tiger or a forest fire that you need to run away from. You can think about what has happened from a safe distance —in time and space. Until you have had that time snd space jyst concentrate on being safe.