Need advice on how to broach a sensitive topic with my girlfriend

[ByBrickKoala]

I have some sexual stuff on my mind regarding my girlfriend, and I don't know how to bring this up with her in a way where she doesn't feel slighted and her feelings are taken care for, so I will list it all down and I would like advice on if I am thinking incorrectly somehow & what I should do.

My girlfriend told me that after the first time she had sex with her ex-bf, she promised herself that she would commit suicide if he left her. He left her and she didn't even attempt suicide. Now, after she told me this I am quite scared to have sex with her because I do not think about sexual intimacy like this.

She also has past sexual trauma with her ex-bf that has now resurfaced in our relationship a bunch of times. One of the major ones that hasn't come up, because we haven't had sex yet, is her dissociation during sex. Something she said might happen the first time we have sex.

She is also scared to have sex again. With her ex, she thought to herself she would have to give him sex and sexual stuff so he wouldn't leave her, but she has told me that with me it is because she wants to do these things with me.

She also told me she decided that the next time she has sex would be with the love of her life, someone she believes will be with her forever. That is too much pressure for me to handle just to have sex. I just want to have sex with my girlfriend just because I want to have sex with my girlfriend, that's it. I don't have any of these stipulations in my head.

I have no idea what to do. During everything we have done so far, I've been constantly asking her if she's okay and if she's dissociating. I am in love with her and I need to figure out a way on how to address this. Any advice on how to bring this up with her would be appreciated.

How old are you both?

I am 24, she is 25.

She sounds immature. Are you compatible?

She clearly has issues that she needs a qualified therapist to help her work through. It doesn’t sound like she should be in a relationship at present, and definitely not a sexual one, until she gets some support and guidance from a professional.

The best thing you could do for her is to end the relationship and urge her as a matter of urgency to have therapy. She’s in no way in a good place for a relationship. If you see a future, suggest she contacts you when she’s in a better headspace.

To be honest, and I might get slated for this, but I'd probably end it.

There are a lot of issues going on for so early on in the relationship and she needs professional support, this isn't something you can fix by having the right conversation. Too much for me.

I would also end it. She needs therapy instead of getting into a relationship.

Everything else is good between us. We are compatible in other regards but this is one thing that I can not wrap my head around.

she promised herself that she would commit suicide if he left her

Run far far away. This is not a stable person. This is not a person you want to have a relationship with.

There’s plenty more fish in the sea, she seems to have some serious mental health issues. I’d stop trying to fiix her and move on. Your still young and who knows how this might manifest itself later in your life when having children and all the hassles that life can bring.

She needs to be in therapy, not in a relationship.

End it. She sounds very fragile and not in a good place.

End it. She sounds very unstable. Sex should be one of the best parts of a relationship, not full of angst and drama. The suicide threat is deeply manipulative.

It's way too much pressure and very confusing for you. I can't think what conversation you could have. She has made sex sound very complicated. I would only stay with her if you happy to not have sex until she has seen a therapist. I wouldn't do anything until then. If sex is important (as it is to most people) I would end it as others have said. I can't see a resolution from talking at this stage.

Fuck her off , find someone new, f she's this difficult now it's only going to get worse. She's literally telling you she's mentally unstable.

To be fair, in some cultures, sex is viewed as best to have within the context of a marriage. It might be how she was raised.

Because this is difficult to do, the compromise would be to have sex within a lasting committed relationship.

As for threatening suicide, well, that sounds like manipulation.

End it. She's got a whole package of drama at the tender age of 25 and probably more that you haven't even unwrapped yet. End it before you get totally enmeshed.

You are a ruthless lot. He says he loves her......

We were come from a deeply religious background although both of us are atheists now. She told me the reason she thought about the suicide was because she firmly believed sex was something that only happened between two people in love. She told me she thinks religious guilt might have had something to do with it as well. She doesn't think like this now which is why she said it is her desire to want to have sex with me, although she is scared about it.

I do which is why this is stressing me out. I don't even know how to bring this up with her and everybody is telling me to end it. Do you think there's a chance it might cause resentment in the future?

She sounds like she is really struggling with her mental health and not in the right place to have a sexual relationship. I'd take sex off the table completely if you love her as much as you say you do. Be completely led by her and be affectionate rather than sexual.

How long have you been going out with her? Because love is a big emotion to be feeling for someone you've not had sex with yet.

Well, he did leave her & she didn't even attempt suicide, sooooo isn't that a good sign? Give it to me straight, I'm too deeply in love with her.

She needs mental health support, not the D.

These are deep seated MH problems, not the usual niggles which come up in relationships. You should end it for your sake and hers as she shouldn't be seeing anyone atm and you also deserve a healthy relationship which includes sex and no pressure.