Quick question

[Robynroo]

Can anyone follow multiple accounts on TikTok accidentally ?

I’m so sorry: looks like a nasty fight and it escalated with each of you one upping each other in a hot headed breakup. Maybe a good idea to calm down and then take it from there. Maybe you can talk to someone irl for support?

Well it’s been left as last night. He has not explained himself or admitted it. He hasn’t tried to make conversation either or ask if I’m ok!
Ive been in shock today haven’t been able to eat other than a rice cake. I’ve spoken to a few acquaintances and my dc and family. They are willing to support me with leaving. Meanwhile I feel I’m standing at the foot of a mountain.

Do you want to leave?

It was more him shouting and projecting his anger at me and me crying from frustration.

How can I be with a man who is unable to communicate and pervs on young women. Even if that was ‘all’ he has done how can I ever trust him again. ?
Im so sad that he chose instant gratification over us.

He has text this morning to say he knows he is innocent.

Oh well, as long as HE knows...

It sounds as though there's quite a lot more wrong with your relationship, other than him looking at young women. He's shouty, can't communicate, your sex life is pants - are you sure you aren't just staying with him out of desperation and lack of anywhere else to go? Because it doesn't sound much like a loving and supportive environment for you.

I am so confused perhaps I feel it’s easier to stay as I’ve rebuilt my life once before when my dc were small but I know I’m worth more .
I think if I can 100% know he’s down this I can move on but there’s a tiny speck of hope inside that wants to believe him.
90% of the time is he loving and kind but these rages have escalated and plus now there is this issue which probably explains his lack of interest in sex with me anyway lol. Ultimately it’s the lying and the inability to communicate that hurt the most.
I realise I sound stupid 😩

Does anyone think I may be wrong ?

Nope

I'm torn on this one to be honest. His reaction is not acceptable but I'd really be examining whether the original issue of him following these accounts was worth ending a relationship over. Was he aware this is a red line for you?

Is it possible that he has gone into lying and defence mode because he's embarrassed and feels judged by you? Do you try and control other aspects of his life?

I'd at least try and have a grown up conversation to try and get both of your views across before throwing in the towel.

Yes he was aware that I don’t tolerate cheats or liars.
I’m not sure I understand why you would ask if I try to control other areas of his life ?
He is an adult and his decisions are his to make so no I don’t.

Well some might consider dictating who he can and can't follow on TikTok. You say he knows you don't tolerate cheats and liars but the original issue was him following these girls accounts, if I've understood correctly. Was he aware this is a red line for you?

And what is it he has been doing in terms of cheating? Do you consider him following these girls accounts as cheating, or has he been messaging them aswell? If he only been following them, then is he aware you consider this cheating?

That was meant to say dictating who he can and can't follow on TikTok could be seen as controlling.

Thanks for clarifying what you meant.
I think after knowing my history and from being a couple for many many years he should know that I would find following and viewing these young women as unacceptable.
IMO it’s micro cheating. Especially given the fact that I have been unhappy with our sex life and of which I have tried to address .
Unless I go through his phone I won’t know if it has extended to subscribing to accounts or messaging?
Maybe it’s way worse than I imagine. Maybe I will never know.
An adult conversation is most certainly needed but only one of us is able to articulate our emotions and communicate .

If having a calm conversation with him isn't possible, could you perhaps write him a letter / email and set out to him exactly why what has happened is so problematic?
If this is a red line for you that he has crossed then you will forever struggle to move on from this if he is not remorseful and willing to take accountability and work to repair the damage.
His reaction seems quite extreme and suggests there may be more to it, I'd trust your gut on this - would you want to dig for it evidence of something more?

Yes absolutely that is going to definately be the preceding conversation but I would prefer to talk, although a cooling down period is good to get perspective.
A big concern is his reaction to me asking in the first place. He seems to have projected the anger back at me which I have experienced in prior relationships. He is also aware that that is triggering to me and yet his outbursts have been escalating recently (another alarm bell imo )

I feel devalued which I have felt before ( many years ago. )

That'll be the men who've got caught out and have invented a 'glitch' as an excuse.

Auto follow my arse. What an astonishing coincidence that they all just so happen to be young and female rather than umpteen DIY accounts, blokes doing cooking, people standing in front of erupting volcanoes or whatever.

I would really listen to your gut on this one - I don't think it's the TikTok following. You feel like you're overreacting because on the face of it, it's not that bad - but you know his reaction is extreme; defensive, turning it round on you etc. Maybe there's something else going on here,

His angry reaction is caused by guilt.

I'd have an honest discussion with him about it, social media, porn, only fans etc. make sure you've spelled out your boundaries clearly.

Has he been liking these girls' posts on TikTok?

It sounds like another bloody aging man having a midlife crises, bored in his relationship and being a dickhead.

Yes that’s what I’m feeling too. He doesn’t want to even admit it to himself . He may see himself as honest but I do not. How can you lie to the person you are supposed to love.

Only if they happen to have basset hound shorts... no clue how nit happens but it does.

(Nope not a chance. -Apart from the Basset Hounds)

Am pretty certain you can only follow accounts by pressing on the ass button u think he is talking crap sorry

@roastedrapidly Has he been liking these girls' posts on TikTok?

I have no idea but I am imagining he has because why bother to follow if you’re not going to interact with them.