No contact with husband. Did I overreact?

[Gina8]

Had an arguement with husband. He kicked me out the house. Took the keys off me. (Not the first time). He packed most of my belongings that day and gave it to me.

He told me to delete his number and never to show my face again and never to come back. He also said he’ll drop the remainder of my belongings to my parents in few days.

I took whatever stuff he packed and went to my parents. As per his request, I deleted his number and didn’t contact him at all. Nor showed my face or went back.

The next day he sent me a message to tell he will drop the rest of my things in few days (he’d already said that to me in person). I blocked him and don’t reply. In return, he has deleted me as his WhatsApp profile isn’t visible. I’m unsure if he has blocked me as I haven’t contacted him.

it’s been over 2 weeks now. He still hasn’t dropped the reminder of my stuff. Tbh the stuff that is left, I don’t really need it. But why is he holding onto my stuff? Or did I OR by blocking him and not contacting him?

I have no intention of moving back btw as I’ve had enough of him constantly throwing me out the house whenever he feels. I did warn him last time, if he’s to do it again I’m not coming back. And he did. So I’m sticking to my guns.

Unless the possessions you have left at your husband's home are of significant monetary or sentimental value, I would suggest writing them off. Have a mental picture of yourself setting fire to them or putting them into a rubbish bin. You will be telling your subconscious that you don't need them any more, because you have a new and better life. And get cracking with the divorce.

Apologising, begging, saying he’ll make changes and never kick me out again. But cycle repeats. It’s so embarrassing to keep having to go to my parents now.

Unfortunately no.

Op. I'm so sorry. I feel like I launched that question to you. I didn't say that no you didn't overreact. And good on you!

Definitely leave him!! Unblock him to get your stuff back (that's yours and he has no right to hold onto it!) then get far away and never look back. You will find someone new and lead a fulfilling life without him whilst he stays bitter and hateful in any relationship he has xx

OP, just forget about the 'stuff'. You say yourself you don't need it. Just move on with your life.

He hasn't dropped your stuff because he's a cunt. That's literally all there is to it. This is a man who has been abusing and gaslighting you for the entire duration of your marriage; he's not suddenly going to become a reliable, dependable guy now you're getting divorced. He likes messing with your head and knowing that you devote all your mental energy to trying to figure him out. Don't give him the satisfaction. He's out of your life now; just crack on with your divorce and stop worrying about why he does the things he does.

@Gina8

How you reacted was neither an 'under' nor an 'over' reaction. It was just a reaction. But he may have taken it to mean you wanted absolutely nothing further to do with him, including dropping off your stuff.

If you wanted or needed your stuff, I suppose that you could have responded with "Please drop my things off on XX date between XX and XX times when I will not be there. Thank you". You still could if you wanted your stuff.

But if it were me and I didn't seriously want or need anything he has of mine, at this point I'd just forget about it and consider myself lucky to be away from him and that I need never speak to him again (other than possible mediation/divorce legalities).

See a solicitor, get the ball rolling. The sooner you are legally 'severed' from this man, the better. My exH and I had no children and I can't tell you the relief I felt when the legalities were done and I knew I'd never have to see nor speak to him ever again. And I never did.

Just make sure this is the last time he ever gets to kick you out.

Create a life of your own where you are secure and happy.

You need to consult a lawyer. Just because he owns the house does not mean you aren't entitlled to a share of it.

Exactly this. He wants you to be all upset and chase him for your stuff - don't. If you don't need your stuff that great - draw a line under it. He thinks he can use it as leverage and it'll be one in the eye when he realises you're not bothered.

See a solicitor, you will likely be entitled to something especially if you've been contributing financially.

The only way to act with these men is completely ambivalent and uninterested in their antics.

And be prepared for him coming grovelling again - keep him blocked and tell your dps you don't want to speak to him if he comes round. Keep busy and plan some stuff with friends etc.

No, you didn't overreact. He sounds like a horrible man and you deserve better. If you want your belongings get someone you know to go there or ask the police on the non emergency number if they can attend the property with you.

You are better off without him. I was in a relationship like this and I stayed too long, it gave me PTSD. Think about what you want to do with your life and don't look back. Best of luck.

Hi OP. I was on your other thread too.

I get that you're asking a different question this time but it's a bit concerning you are asking if you overreacted. Of course you didn't and I think you know that. But it seems to be bothering you that he hasn't brought your stuff round or contacted you. There seems to be a cycle of him throwing you out, you leaving, then him getting in touch and begging and you returning. Please trust me is a GOOD thing you haven't heard from him. The marriage needs to end and stay ended.

Are the times he apologises and begs the only times these days that he's nice to you and makes you feel loved? Again please trust me. That's not the sort of "love" you need.

Disclaimer I haven't RTFT but I do recall your previous thread.

No you didn't over react, what you did was take your power back. You were "supposed" to go crawling back and beg for your belongings and for him to take you back. That is what he is waiting for, do not give it to him.
You say you don't need any of your belongings that have been left there but if you decide on point of principle to get them back (I mean if you're talking about a couple of stretched tshirts then obviously don't but if it's a substantial amount then you probably should) then you should contact a third party, ideally a solicitor to arrange for you to collect your belongings.
Just remember once you make your next move be that third party collecting your belongings or to serve divorce papers, that's when he will realise you have taken your power back and that is when you will then get love bombed/abused/whatever so ensure your support network is strong to help you keep your power and not go back to him.

Having read your previous threads he sounds unhinged.
From what you’ve said, that he is a decade older but picks on you when you get compliments, weirdly went on about your breath smelling when it’s him that never goes to the dentist, he is clearly low on self esteem and punishing you by trying to put you in your place.
You haven’t overreacted at all.
Please, please don’t go back.
He is an abuser and this constantly throwing you out of the marital home is abuse. Then trying to wear you down when he wants you to return is abuse,
Not once in your posts (which you have every right to write because you need support!) has this man done one single thing that’s kind or supportive.
But please bear in kind while loved ones who care are supportive now eventually they will get tired of it.
There are so many threads on here of women who lose their family and friends after staying with a man like this.
2.5 years isn’t that long. Walk away. Get some therapy.
Do not listen to any pleas from this vile abuser.
Rebuild your life, and by the way, enjoy your smile.
And leave him to sit in his house, on his own, with his manky teeth.

No he doesn’t. You’re married everything that you both own is 50/50, including property and pensions.

you need to claim home rights to stop him from selling it and not giving you your half.

Why do people persist in posting ill informed, or just downright incorrect things with such certainty?

op can and should take legal advice, but broadly when it’s a short marriage (which this one seems to be) then the usual action is that each party takes what they put in.

more info on length of total relationship, and children’s, is needed though

Please please get a solicitor to register your home rights using a HR1 form, or look into doing it yourself if you’re confident enough. The land registry, once lodged, will register that you have a beneficial interest in the property so it can be sold without you knowing

There's another poster who had this happen, or is it you again??

But if it's the marital home you likely have a claim. Go see a solicitor who specialises in divorce.

Write off the belongings and move on with your life. Get the divorce underway.

It sounds more like a teenage romance than a marriage.

I think, depending on how long you've been together, you'll be entitled to a percentage and in a divorce you could likely force a sale to get your share...inc pensions and any money in joint accounts and savings.

If you're married all assets go into the pot for dividing up during divorce proceedings.

You may need legal advice as you may be able to claim some part of the house.

It's good that you're determined that this is the last time you let him treat you like this and yes, as others have said if the stuff of yours he has isn't that important it's best to just let him hang on to it, seething that you're not rushing back and begging him for it. If there was anything remotely important I'd suggest getting your parents to collect it for you.

How are they in all of this? Are they pleased that it's finally at an end? Are they supportive of you? I do hope so and I hope that you can take the time to be proud of finally putting yourself first and to walk away from a thoroughly unpleasant, abusive human being.

Why the fuck does it matter now? She said she wasn't going back It's like those people who say "I told you so", after you make a mistake. Ridiculous and insensitive.