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Original poster

How would you split everything?

86 replies

Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 22:51

Hi

First post on here, please be gentle!

I'm a mum to 2 primary aged children from a previous relationship. I own my house outright (no mortgage). I work part time (20-25 hours per week) to allow me to work around the children.

I've been with my partner for a number of years and we're planning on living together. There are various options we are considering but the most sensible seems for him to live with me. He works full time, his salary is double and then some compared to what I earn part time.

How would you work bills etc?
I'm wondering if things should be 50/50 or if there should be some kind of % worked in.
I'd obviously pay for my children's hobbies, and anything they needed, plus my car/car insurance, I'm talking more like utilities and food shopping etc.

OP posts:
plsd · 07/03/2025 22:56

I wouldn't be expecting him to pay 50/50 if it's only him (assuming he doesn't have DC) whereas there you and 2 DC

Original poster
Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 22:58

plsd · 07/03/2025 22:56

I wouldn't be expecting him to pay 50/50 if it's only him (assuming he doesn't have DC) whereas there you and 2 DC

Even if he's living in my house with no "rent" to pay?

OP posts:
mumnet87 · 07/03/2025 22:59

I'd look at the going rate in your area for a rent a room and ask for a similar contribution tbh.

mumnet87 · 07/03/2025 23:00

Wait sorry I didn't take into consideration being mortgage free!

plsd · 07/03/2025 23:01

Ah ok, I thought you meant 50% of bills on top of rent.

I'd work out how much the rent would be for your property then ask him to pay a certain % of that to you. Along with a % of all bills (probably less than 50% but more than 25%).

Having said all that 50% of all bills with. Intent is probably a better deal for him!

BansheeOfTheSouth · 07/03/2025 23:04

How much housework, meal planning and cooking and "mental load" will he be taking on?

He's going to be living rent free in your house, earning significantly more than you and works full time. Unless he is also doing everything else equally then he should be contributing more than 50% of all bills. Don't let him be a cocklodger.

Guineapigfosterer · 07/03/2025 23:04

Depends on your situation. If it is a we're in this together for the long haul you could combine the incomes sort bills, food etc. then what ever was left over split between you 50/50 for your individual spending.
But some people like their independence so if you want to keep your family home to just you and your children's finances then I would suggest you continue to pay those and he chips in for what he uses utilities, food etc.
But be flexible if one way doesn't work you can always amend, as no same way suits every couple.
We have always Combined sorted bills and joint savings then split the left over for personal spending.

Original poster
Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 23:04

plsd · 07/03/2025 23:01

Ah ok, I thought you meant 50% of bills on top of rent.

I'd work out how much the rent would be for your property then ask him to pay a certain % of that to you. Along with a % of all bills (probably less than 50% but more than 25%).

Having said all that 50% of all bills with. Intent is probably a better deal for him!

I know. I think of what 50% of the shared bills are and even that is a bumming good deal!

OP posts:
Original poster
Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 23:07

BansheeOfTheSouth · 07/03/2025 23:04

How much housework, meal planning and cooking and "mental load" will he be taking on?

He's going to be living rent free in your house, earning significantly more than you and works full time. Unless he is also doing everything else equally then he should be contributing more than 50% of all bills. Don't let him be a cocklodger.

I'd probably end up doing the housework/mental load. With it being my house, I'd also be the one to deal with the maintenance etc.

In terms of housework, I was actually wondering whether to suggest a cleaner fortnight (at his cost) to cover his share of the cleaning so it wasn't all on me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 23:10

Guineapigfosterer · 07/03/2025 23:04

Depends on your situation. If it is a we're in this together for the long haul you could combine the incomes sort bills, food etc. then what ever was left over split between you 50/50 for your individual spending.
But some people like their independence so if you want to keep your family home to just you and your children's finances then I would suggest you continue to pay those and he chips in for what he uses utilities, food etc.
But be flexible if one way doesn't work you can always amend, as no same way suits every couple.
We have always Combined sorted bills and joint savings then split the left over for personal spending.

We are in it for the long haul, 100%, I wouldn't consider living with him if I wasn't, however, with him earning much more, I wouldn't be comfortable asking to combine then split the remaining so trying to figure out some other ways.

OP posts:
Florencelatsy · 07/03/2025 23:14

When I lived with my partner who was mortgage free I paid for all shopping/toiletries etc and did the cooking/cleaning etc, any luxuries and going out. Would happily of contributed more but he didn't want any extra. Am much worse off now financially being a single mum with his child but way more happier!! Felt like his slave!!

BansheeOfTheSouth · 07/03/2025 23:14

Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 23:07

I'd probably end up doing the housework/mental load. With it being my house, I'd also be the one to deal with the maintenance etc.

In terms of housework, I was actually wondering whether to suggest a cleaner fortnight (at his cost) to cover his share of the cleaning so it wasn't all on me.

Show quote history

Charge him more then. He is getting free rent and a maid otherwise.

Him paying for a cleaner, weekly would be a bit more fair.

Realistically, could you buy a place together and rent out your house?

Florencelatsy · 07/03/2025 23:16

You need to get him to pay for things like food/cleaning if he pays towards housing/upkeep/maintenance he could have a claim on your property if you split. I'd get something written up legally, but you should ask for your fair share!!

Original poster
Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 23:21

Buying together, not at the moment, no. Maybe in the future. I'd want to live together for a while first before Id consider buying somewhere together and being financially tied.

OP posts:
Tumbler2121 · 07/03/2025 23:24

He pays an amount equal to what he’d pay if you were both renting the house. Whatever you do, don’t let living with you be a cheap option.

Original poster
Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 23:24

Florencelatsy · 07/03/2025 23:16

You need to get him to pay for things like food/cleaning if he pays towards housing/upkeep/maintenance he could have a claim on your property if you split. I'd get something written up legally, but you should ask for your fair share!!

I'd get a cohabitation agreement drawn up to protect my assets, but just wanted opinions on what would be reasonable to suggest as a starting point.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 07/03/2025 23:25

If you're in it for the long haul, all assets and income should be shared 50/50, no? So you pool money, but he also gets his name on the deeds.

If, however, what's yours is yours, then what's his is his, so he should pay 1/3 of the household bills (your DC counting as 0.5 each), and he accepts he has no security or ownership over your property.

You can't expect for his bigger salary to be taken into account, but your bigger assets and responsibilities to be ignored.

User5274959 · 07/03/2025 23:26

Has he got a property he's going to rent out and get income from?

DivorcedMumOfAdults · 07/03/2025 23:30

Maybe a starting point is what he is spending now?
Do we assume you aren’t getting maintenance for the children?

Original poster
Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 23:34

mrsm43s · 07/03/2025 23:25

If you're in it for the long haul, all assets and income should be shared 50/50, no? So you pool money, but he also gets his name on the deeds.

If, however, what's yours is yours, then what's his is his, so he should pay 1/3 of the household bills (your DC counting as 0.5 each), and he accepts he has no security or ownership over your property.

You can't expect for his bigger salary to be taken into account, but your bigger assets and responsibilities to be ignored.

I went through a very difficult divorce previously. A marriage I thought was for the long haul. Things don't always work out that way though and after such a difficult divorce, I want to make sure me and the children have the security of a roof over our heads no matter what. One bitten, twice shy.

Are you suggesting that I give 50% of my house for him to pay 50% of the utility bills?

OP posts:
bananamum13 · 07/03/2025 23:35

This happened for us - my now DH gives me £x per month to cover bills food etc, less than he'd pay for a 1 bed flat but covers the increased costs.

Original poster
Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 23:36

User5274959 · 07/03/2025 23:26

Has he got a property he's going to rent out and get income from?

He does have a property. I think he will rent this (but not 100% sure)

OP posts:
bananamum13 · 07/03/2025 23:39

Eg I take approx 40% of his monthly take home wage towards everything (including some savings for us as he is useless with money!) but he also does the majority of the housework (I do cooking and shopping & washing clothes, he does everything else)

Original poster
Goonie1 · 07/03/2025 23:40

DivorcedMumOfAdults · 07/03/2025 23:30

Maybe a starting point is what he is spending now?
Do we assume you aren’t getting maintenance for the children?

Could I ask why you ask about maintenance?

OP posts:
selffellatingouroborosofhate · 07/03/2025 23:40

mrsm43s · 07/03/2025 23:25

If you're in it for the long haul, all assets and income should be shared 50/50, no? So you pool money, but he also gets his name on the deeds.

If, however, what's yours is yours, then what's his is his, so he should pay 1/3 of the household bills (your DC counting as 0.5 each), and he accepts he has no security or ownership over your property.

You can't expect for his bigger salary to be taken into account, but your bigger assets and responsibilities to be ignored.

but he also gets his name on the deeds.

So he gets half a house he didn't pay a penny towards? HELL NO.

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