Page 4 | How would you split everything?

Goonie1 · 2025-03-07T22:51:46+00:00

Hi First post on here, please be gentle! I'm a mum to 2 primary aged children from a previous relationship. I own my house outright (no mortgage). I work part time (20-25 hours per week) to allow me to work around the children. I've been with my partner for a number of years and we're planning on living together. There are various options we are considering but the most sensible seems for him to live with me. He works full time, his salary is double and then some compared to what I earn part time. How would you work bills etc? I'm wondering if things should be 50/50 or if there should be some kind of % worked in. I'd obviously pay for my children's hobbies, and anything they needed, plus my car/car insurance, I'm talking more like utilities and food shopping etc.

Fagli · 08/03/2025 07:59

Not having a mortgage on your place makes a big difference!!

I wouldn’t let him pay rent or anything else that could constitute a stake in your property. 50/50 bills and food sounds fair as you will then be slightly better off than you are now.

Why you would want to move in with a person who didn’t fully contribute to household duties I don’t know!! That would be a complete turn off for me, and not the sort of role model I would to set for my children.

Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 08:00

Dellspoem · 08/03/2025 07:52

If you did a joint account and had everything come out of there, would it even out fairly? That's what I would do in your situation.

That would depend how much we both put in. If we both put the same amount in, then yes it would even out fairly. If one put more in than the other, then it wouldn't. It's the "putting in" part that I'm asking about.

OP posts:

Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 08:01

User5274959 · 08/03/2025 07:55

I might be in a similar situation in future
Dp has a small house
I've got a larger house, mortgage free.

I think I'd be happy with him renting his out and keeping that income, he still has a mortgage so wouldn't be left with loads and loads.

Then splitting bills. No right to my house, he still has his for security if we decide we want to split or are better living apart.

Yes he would do well out of it but then I want him to have security and I would know if he had more disposable income and could build up savings we would most likely both benefit from it as he is generous.

Despite a mortgage free house, my income is not great and a fair bit lower than his but I am more asset rich

Seems like we are in a very similar situation

OP posts:

DorothyStorm · 08/03/2025 08:08

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:27

That's what I intend to do. I'm just getting my head around what's fair for all before we're at that point though.

Show quote history

Totally agree with @CuriousGeorge80 . This sounds like extra work for you and less work and extra profit for him. He would be doing 100% of the cleaning in his current home, so why would he do so little in yours?

weekly cleaner at the bery minimum if he has decided the cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, cooking is no longer a role he has.

Loopytiles · 08/03/2025 08:10

I like @SpringIsSpringing25 ideas.

I know you’re doing all the domestic work while a single parent, but it’d be a really bad dynamic to seek to do it all (or almost all of it) with a partner. He should do a fair share, in addition to the cleaner, which might be less than you do but he’s choosing to move in with DC so should be engaging with them by helping maintain the household.

I don’t understand posters suggesting going ‘all in’ and risking your and DCs’ financial and housing security. Even in marriage people who enter marriage with DC sensibly make legal provisions about money for the sake of DC.

iamnotalemon · 08/03/2025 08:12

@Goonie1

I'm glad to hear you are going to protect your assets. Also love your username.

No actual advice, sorry.

Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 08:19

Loopytiles · 08/03/2025 08:10

I like @SpringIsSpringing25 ideas.

I know you’re doing all the domestic work while a single parent, but it’d be a really bad dynamic to seek to do it all (or almost all of it) with a partner. He should do a fair share, in addition to the cleaner, which might be less than you do but he’s choosing to move in with DC so should be engaging with them by helping maintain the household.

I don’t understand posters suggesting going ‘all in’ and risking your and DCs’ financial and housing security. Even in marriage people who enter marriage with DC sensibly make legal provisions about money for the sake of DC.

I wouldn't be seeking to do it all 😂 I just know that I'd end up with the lions share of housework due to his working times (cooking) and that I work part time compared to his full time. That too would be for discussion as I can't do everything (I might only be part time but I also work unpaid as my children's taxi 😂) which is why I threw in a suggestion of a cleaner at his expense.

OP posts:

Weddingbells6 · 08/03/2025 08:20

Oh god I feel so sorry for you. What does he think? It’s so awkward, I basically had the same situation but wasn’t sensible like you. My partner lives in the house that I bought and paid for with zero financial help from him, I am mortgage free so no rent etc. He of course has paid bills and for appliances etc but never anything structural or decorating etc. So now we find ourselves after 14 years with a situation where he has no savings in order to move out, I don’t think he should get anything financially from the sale of the house except the things he has bought and he thinks it’s unfair that he has ‘contributed’ for 14 years. I would like to break up but he has nowhere to go and I feel slightly bad that he has nothing but also bitter that he could have saved up an amount each month that he was saving in rent / mortgage etc and firmly believe I shouldn’t give him any lump sum - the law is on my side, I’ve checked, but it’s still complicated and messy. I wouldn’t do it again let me tell you. I would most likely sell my house, put it down as a deposit and have a solicitor ring fence that amount should we split. My partner also asked me to marry him but in the back of my head I was thinking ‘no chance, I bring a full house and you have £0.’ It’s ruined our relationship along with other issues tbh, for example I accidentally broke the key in the back door a while back and he was frustrated with me and made a comment about how he wouldn’t have done it. Of course I retaliated with ‘it’s my door so feck off.’ But of course after 14 years that’s difficult for him to hear. Just be very careful, if they decide to leave you have to serve them with an eviction order, all very horrible.

Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 08:30

Weddingbells6 · 08/03/2025 08:20

Oh god I feel so sorry for you. What does he think? It’s so awkward, I basically had the same situation but wasn’t sensible like you. My partner lives in the house that I bought and paid for with zero financial help from him, I am mortgage free so no rent etc. He of course has paid bills and for appliances etc but never anything structural or decorating etc. So now we find ourselves after 14 years with a situation where he has no savings in order to move out, I don’t think he should get anything financially from the sale of the house except the things he has bought and he thinks it’s unfair that he has ‘contributed’ for 14 years. I would like to break up but he has nowhere to go and I feel slightly bad that he has nothing but also bitter that he could have saved up an amount each month that he was saving in rent / mortgage etc and firmly believe I shouldn’t give him any lump sum - the law is on my side, I’ve checked, but it’s still complicated and messy. I wouldn’t do it again let me tell you. I would most likely sell my house, put it down as a deposit and have a solicitor ring fence that amount should we split. My partner also asked me to marry him but in the back of my head I was thinking ‘no chance, I bring a full house and you have £0.’ It’s ruined our relationship along with other issues tbh, for example I accidentally broke the key in the back door a while back and he was frustrated with me and made a comment about how he wouldn’t have done it. Of course I retaliated with ‘it’s my door so feck off.’ But of course after 14 years that’s difficult for him to hear. Just be very careful, if they decide to leave you have to serve them with an eviction order, all very horrible.

Thank you and I think this is why I want something in place now so that if down the line things don't pan out, I'm not in such a sticky situation

OP posts:

summerlovingvibes · 08/03/2025 10:56

Like PPs have said I would have a look at what rent a room rates are in your area and go from there.

Obviously everything will go up - food bill / council tax / gas/ electric / water etc but even if he was paying half the bills I suspect that would still be a crazy good deal for him with "no rent". So if it was me to be honest I would be asking for some "rent" as well as 50/50 bills to cover a few additional things.

He will still be way better off than you / able to save a lot more than you / have much better pensions than you etc.

FrangipaniBlue · 08/03/2025 11:47

I would be responsible for house upkeep and maintenance etc. so it's not like I'm expecting him to fund 50% of my outgoings.

I also said that I'd be taking on the lions share in terms of house work/cooking/cleaning.

These 2 things stuck out at me. If he is living there he is contributing to wear and tear on the house so he should absolutely contribute towards maintenance and upkeep! Nothing structural or jog like a new fitted kitchen say. But general painting/decorating, carpets, replacing broken fixtures and fittings yes he should go halves.

Ditto bills - anything utility related I think he should pay half, I don't agree with posters saying 1/4 because otherwise he will be saving massively by living with you and get get literally no benefit at all! At the minute you are paying for 2 TV licences, 2 council tax, 2 lots of broadband etc etc - it's only right that when there is only 1 of each of these you go halves so that you both benefit.

Food bills probably fairer that he pays whatever the increase is over what you would normal spend.