How would you split everything?

[Goonie1]

Hi

First post on here, please be gentle!

I'm a mum to 2 primary aged children from a previous relationship. I own my house outright (no mortgage). I work part time (20-25 hours per week) to allow me to work around the children.

I've been with my partner for a number of years and we're planning on living together. There are various options we are considering but the most sensible seems for him to live with me. He works full time, his salary is double and then some compared to what I earn part time.

How would you work bills etc?
I'm wondering if things should be 50/50 or if there should be some kind of % worked in.
I'd obviously pay for my children's hobbies, and anything they needed, plus my car/car insurance, I'm talking more like utilities and food shopping etc.

Is he a kind generous person or tight? always better to know his attitude to money before moving in.
See too many threads with women stuck with financially controlling men.

Erm, good question. It depends on the situation I think so I'm gonna say somewhere in between.

Then he shouldn't pay for half of the kids he didn't produce! HELL NO!

If he's a lodger, he should really pay 25% of bills plus 50% of the local double room lodging rate. And all he should be responsible for is cooking /cleaning/laundry etc for himself.

I don't dispute that he shouldn't pay for kids that aren't his. There are options other than "give him half of the house" and "treat him like a lodger".

Because if your ex finds out someone has moved in he might get difficult about paying

Does he have his own property at the moment? If not how much rent does he pay? I don't believe in people living rent free. I'd be interested to know what he thought he should pay.

Yes he does have his own property at the min

"Because if your ex finds out someone has moved in he might get difficult about paying"

My living situation shouldn't affect maintenance payments. If he is difficult about it, I'll deal with that as it arises, but I can't let the possibility of my ex being difficult affect the decision to live with my partner.

I'm suggesting that you can't expect him to share your costs of the kids and the house if you're not prepared to share your assets. You can't expect to benefit from what he has without sharing what you have.

FWIW, I also wouldn't want to sign half the house away in your situation.

But if you aren't merging assets, then he pays for him, and him alone. So he's getting a half share of a room as a lodger with no secutity, and he's one of 4 people who live in the house.

So half a double room lodging rate, plus 25% bills. Or 1/3 bills, no "rent".

On the OP I've said that I would pay for stuff in terms of the children etc. I wouldn't ever expect him to pay for school uniform for example or school dinners or anything on the long list of stuff that goes with having children. I've also said that I would be responsible for house upkeep and maintenance etc. so it's not like I'm expecting him to fund 50% of my outgoings.

I also said that I'd be taking on the lions share in terms of house work/cooking/cleaning.

I just wanted some opinions - please be kind 😊

It's difficult isn't it.

what's he like now with paying for things? Especially things that include your children like eating out for example?

It would be interesting to know what he thinks is fair

with regards to his property, I think any profit he makes should be split 50-50 because he's only able to do it because he's living rent free at your house (well he would be if he moved in with me because there's just no way I could charge a partner rent), but in return, I would see there any profit made on the 'empty property' should be split equally or put into joint savings for a deposit for a joint house or a holiday or whatever, which would be split 50-50 if you break up.

But, you are 100% right to keep the house in your name only, to protect your assets, stability and independence!!

i'm going to think about what feels fear from both sides...

Why will you be taking on the lions share of the housework, cooking and presumably shopping??

God, if I was ever to live with someone again one of the benefits in exchange for the compromises I'd have to make would be having someone to split the cooking and housework with!!

Yes it is difficult so getting some differing views is really helpful.

He has a great relationship with the children. If we eat out together, it can go a number of ways, sometimes we go 50/50, sometimes I pay for us all, sometimes he pays for us all, sometimes if he says 50/50 or he says he will pay, I'll insist that I pay for me and the kids at least.

In terms of his property, I'd love for him to keep it on so that then we both have some security.

Is this for me? Am I not being kind?

All I'm saying is you either share completely (because relationship) or you just each pay for your own responsibilities. You clearly (and sensibly imo) don't want to fully share, so he should only pay for what he's responsible for. So half a room (at lodger rate as he has no security) plus 25% of household bills as he's only responsable for paying for 1 out of 4. I'd actually go for 1/3 bills and drop the "rent" element to make it more clear that he's not paying towards home ownership.

Half of utilities / bills such as WiFi, council tax, heating etc plus a token amount of rent - £200 a month say. He would still have his own property, so has security there and I’d assume he’d be getting way more than £200 in rent, so he’s still better off financially.

Not sure how I’d split the food shop though.

Being in a position where you work part time and own your house outright with two kids, I would be very reluctant to jointly own a property with anyone again.

How about asking him to pay for 50% of utilities, weekly shopping and council tax, PLUS cover the cost of a cleaner once a week AND a nominal amount per month (maybe 150-250) towards a maintenance fund from wear and tear.

I think this would be what I'd see as fair if I were in your situation. He can keep his current property and rent it out and benefit from that. The cleaner would take some burden off you. The property maintenance money will avoid feelings of resentment if you ever have large expenses for the house.

He should still be better off financially with this arrangement.

It's for everyone as I dont want people getting cross with me (or each other). I said (to everyone) on the OP to be gentle as I don't like conflict 😊

In terms of your post, from what I have written, does it seem like I want all of the benefit but not give him anything in return? That's a genuine question to you btw as if that's how I have come across, I need to do some further explaining as that's certainly not the case. I was raised to pay my own way and do. And that's why I've asked the question on here so I can hear opinions and be fair with any suggestions I make.

To further explain, he wouldn't have all of the house costs because Ive explained in various replies that I'd be responsible for upkeep, maintenance etc. I was just talking utilities, food etc. Him living in my house would increase the "wear and tear" so to speak and that would be for me to pay, so I dont think I'm asking him to pay 50% to all the house costs because house costs are more than heating, electricity, water, broadband council tax. I'm just asking about the utilities. Plus if he did live with me, he would potentially be able to let out his property, and also not have a rent to pay which is why I wondered if then 50/50 on the utilities / bills would be fair.

I appreciate your comments as I'm a very balanced person, and I like to understand others points and opinions too, so thank you.

I wouldn't do it. Wait until the kids are launched.

I am not familiar with the cohabitation laws in the UK, but look into protecting your home. You don’t want him being able to lay any kind of claim against your home after a few years.

Aside from this, he should be paying some kind of rent in addition to contributing to the bills. Why should he benefit financially from your paid off home that is nothing to do with him? Especially if he has another home that he is going to rent out and earn income from.

But why should he be better off financially from living with the OP? He already earns double. Why should he live for free or peppercorn rent AND benefit from renting his home out?

So he's going to rent out his house and make a profit from that, not have to pay any rent at yours as you have no mortgage, save 100% on all the bills he pays in his current house, and, as some people suggest, only pay 1/3 of the house bills at your house. While you will also take on the majority of cooking and cleaning for him, and be responsible for all upkeep of your house. He will not only earn much more than you, he will be in significant profit (both financially and chores wise) from moving in. In return, you will save 1/3 of the cost of your house bills and have more responsibility/cooking/cleaning etc.

What an awful deal for you.

You need to know what he is going to rent his house out for and what that will be after tax (and mortgage if there is one) to make a genuine decision. But as a starting point I would say he should contribute 100% of that profit into the shared pot as a minimum. Otherwise he is getting all of the property benefit of moving in while you get none. I would use this pot to pay for holidays and fun stuff, so you all see a nice benefit from it together.

In addition, he should pay 50% of costs like council tax (presumably your council tax will go up with him moving in), gas, electricity, water, and I would say 1/3 of all grocery shopping.

All things like phones, cars etc stay as your own costs. Children's clubs etc stay as your cost alone.

Right, I've pondered & this is what I think is fair for you both.

as I said earlier his place gets rented out and any profit is put into a joint savings account towards a future joint deposit if you separate in the meantime it's split 50-50

He pays 5050 on council tax, electricity, gas, TV license, water rates, et cetera, et cetera

You pay for anything that maintains the property, including things like Boiler Service Is et cetera

Obviously, you continue paying for the children's activities uniforms shoes, clothes, all the usual

You keep on doing as you do now read meals out and stuff like that

He organises and pays for a weekly cleaner

Supermarket shopping, et cetera 50-50, yes it's also feeding your children but he's saving a lot on only paying half of the utilities he was paying living alone.

Even though he's paying for the cleaner, he still needs to act like he lives there cleans up after himself and Max in with the other things the Cleaner doesn't do like putting bins out emptying the dishwasher generally tidying up mowing the lawn

Have you talked about his role in the children's llives, when he moves in? I think that can be a very tricky thing to get right and obviously it's different depending on how old they are,

Look. Either you want a partner or you don't. Stay dating until you want to buy together and be equal partners. This half arsed shit never works

If you're inclined to go forward. He pays half of a bedroom
Rent & 1/4 of utilities.

1/3 of all the bills. 50% of a local room rate. You pay for a cleaner and additional wear and tear from the increase to your income.

No interest in each other’s assets.

If he’s not happy with that then that’s concerning. I would also expect him to be relaxed about occasional additional spending on his part because he has so much more spare money in this situation.

You both need to protect yourselves. Him from supporting an unrelated set of children and you from being taken advantage of.

If you do end up pooling resources and marrying in the future I would also expect to ring fence your current equity for your children if you were to divorce or die.