Page 3 | How would you split everything?

Goonie1 · 2025-03-07T22:51:46+00:00

Hi First post on here, please be gentle! I'm a mum to 2 primary aged children from a previous relationship. I own my house outright (no mortgage). I work part time (20-25 hours per week) to allow me to work around the children. I've been with my partner for a number of years and we're planning on living together. There are various options we are considering but the most sensible seems for him to live with me. He works full time, his salary is double and then some compared to what I earn part time. How would you work bills etc? I'm wondering if things should be 50/50 or if there should be some kind of % worked in. I'd obviously pay for my children's hobbies, and anything they needed, plus my car/car insurance, I'm talking more like utilities and food shopping etc.

Wallywobbles · 08/03/2025 05:11

What does he suggest?

Wunnerful · 08/03/2025 05:41

Are you on any kind of benefits that would be reduced/removed once you are cohabiting?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/03/2025 06:12

I would get a cohabitation agreement drawn up with a solicitor before he moves in. That could potentially save you a whole log of financial pain in the event your relationship breaks down.

Burntt · 08/03/2025 06:18

I would not let him move in at all. Get a new place together to rent and rent your house out to cover your half of the rent and bills.

Greenhippos · 08/03/2025 06:28

Move into his pay half the bills. Rent yours out.

To be honest I would ask him how much he thinks he should pay. His response will tell you a lot about him and may help you decide if this is a good idea.

In this situation if I was him I would offer half of bills and food. Plus half of (rent - interest only aspect of my mortgage).

Then I would suggest we save towards our own place so we can keep the current houses when buying together. These savings would go into sole name accounts.

In reality if I was him I’d pick up more luxury expenses too. I’d also expect to do 50% of housework.

I have been the higher earner and I split things proportionally. Plus picked up holidays etc.

NewbieSM · 08/03/2025 06:53

I mean is there disagreement between the two of you? They way I see it, moving in together should benefit both parties, you share in the savings.

He gets to rent out his property and profit from that and reduced utility bills/ council tax, and you benefit from a reduction in bills ( he pays 50% including groceries, pays for a cleaner and nominal rent toward wear and tear/ light maintenance, maybe £200 pcm ) you are responsible for direct children's costs, uniform, hobbies, gifts etc.

Frankly he's getting a great deal just paying half the bills, find me accommodation that I could get all food and bills included for only a few hundred £ a month

sherbertyellowteddy · 08/03/2025 06:55

50% of bills and shopping. You cover all expenses/repairs on your home, he the same with his.
Obviously, you cover the children's expenses.
I think the profit he makes from renting his house out should be saved for holidays, etc, as he is only getting that due to living in your house rent-free.

Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:12

Beach city girl

Sorry, it won't let me quote you to reply.

Please could I ask how this is half arsed please? I've explained why I'm not prepared to buy together and be financially tied at the moment. But if and when that point does come, it comes with a new set of how to split things as how can it ever be just equal with the difference in salaries, my children, etc.

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Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:16

CuriousGeorge80 · 08/03/2025 02:32

So he's going to rent out his house and make a profit from that, not have to pay any rent at yours as you have no mortgage, save 100% on all the bills he pays in his current house, and, as some people suggest, only pay 1/3 of the house bills at your house. While you will also take on the majority of cooking and cleaning for him, and be responsible for all upkeep of your house. He will not only earn much more than you, he will be in significant profit (both financially and chores wise) from moving in. In return, you will save 1/3 of the cost of your house bills and have more responsibility/cooking/cleaning etc.

What an awful deal for you.

You need to know what he is going to rent his house out for and what that will be after tax (and mortgage if there is one) to make a genuine decision. But as a starting point I would say he should contribute 100% of that profit into the shared pot as a minimum. Otherwise he is getting all of the property benefit of moving in while you get none. I would use this pot to pay for holidays and fun stuff, so you all see a nice benefit from it together.

In addition, he should pay 50% of costs like council tax (presumably your council tax will go up with him moving in), gas, electricity, water, and I would say 1/3 of all grocery shopping.

All things like phones, cars etc stay as your own costs. Children's clubs etc stay as your cost alone.

It's not a great deal for me when you put it like that 😂 I think that's why I was a bit taken aback at the thought that people reading this may think I'm all about what's in it for me and not giving anything back because that not the case so I appreciate you've recognised that.

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Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:23

SpringIsSpringing25 · 08/03/2025 03:40

Right, I've pondered & this is what I think is fair for you both.

as I said earlier his place gets rented out and any profit is put into a joint savings account towards a future joint deposit if you separate in the meantime it's split 50-50

He pays 5050 on council tax, electricity, gas, TV license, water rates, et cetera, et cetera

You pay for anything that maintains the property, including things like Boiler Service Is et cetera

Obviously, you continue paying for the children's activities uniforms shoes, clothes, all the usual

You keep on doing as you do now read meals out and stuff like that

He organises and pays for a weekly cleaner

Supermarket shopping, et cetera 50-50, yes it's also feeding your children but he's saving a lot on only paying half of the utilities he was paying living alone.

Even though he's paying for the cleaner, he still needs to act like he lives there cleans up after himself and Max in with the other things the Cleaner doesn't do like putting bins out emptying the dishwasher generally tidying up mowing the lawn

Have you talked about his role in the children's llives, when he moves in? I think that can be a very tricky thing to get right and obviously it's different depending on how old they are,

Thank you, you love obviously put a lot of thought into that. Food shop, he eats more than the 3 of us put together 😂

In terms of his role in the children's lives, we have been together a few years and he is great with them, (both he and his family are), so I'm happy with where that situation is.

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ByQuaintAzureWasp · 08/03/2025 07:24

I would say 30/40% of food, toiletries etc. And £400/£500 for rent. Pay for a cleaner and wack the rest into your pension.

If you go out or on holiday, as "a family" you are going to have to pay for the kids.
Perhaps sit down and discuss properly before he packs up and rents his place out.

Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:25

Changeissmall · 08/03/2025 04:53

1/3 of all the bills. 50% of a local room rate. You pay for a cleaner and additional wear and tear from the increase to your income.

No interest in each other’s assets.

If he’s not happy with that then that’s concerning. I would also expect him to be relaxed about occasional additional spending on his part because he has so much more spare money in this situation.

You both need to protect yourselves. Him from supporting an unrelated set of children and you from being taken advantage of.

If you do end up pooling resources and marrying in the future I would also expect to ring fence your current equity for your children if you were to divorce or die.

Thank you for the advice, appreciated.

I do wonder why you think I should pay for the cleaner though. I'd be doing "my share" of the cleaning so interested to know why the additional cost of a cleaner would be on me?

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Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:27

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/03/2025 06:12

I would get a cohabitation agreement drawn up with a solicitor before he moves in. That could potentially save you a whole log of financial pain in the event your relationship breaks down.

That's what I intend to do. I'm just getting my head around what's fair for all before we're at that point though.

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Diningtableornot · 08/03/2025 07:28

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 00:28

Yes it is difficult so getting some differing views is really helpful.

He has a great relationship with the children. If we eat out together, it can go a number of ways, sometimes we go 50/50, sometimes I pay for us all, sometimes he pays for us all, sometimes if he says 50/50 or he says he will pay, I'll insist that I pay for me and the kids at least.

In terms of his property, I'd love for him to keep it on so that then we both have some security.

Show quote history

Hmm tricky that you haven’t settled into any pattern of who pays what.
What does he want to do?

Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:28

Burntt · 08/03/2025 06:18

I would not let him move in at all. Get a new place together to rent and rent your house out to cover your half of the rent and bills.

I've explained a few times why this isn't an option right now.

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Sanch1 · 08/03/2025 07:28

I would start by asking what he suggests. Will tell you a lot about him and the type of person he is.

When my now DH moved in with me before we married I was on tax credits so he paid me what I would lose in tax credits and child benefit by having him move in, then we split the bills above that. All at his suggestion, as he earned more. We were both better off living together, which I think is the main point you need to consider. But one of us want way way better off than the other.

Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:30

Greenhippos · 08/03/2025 06:28

Move into his pay half the bills. Rent yours out.

To be honest I would ask him how much he thinks he should pay. His response will tell you a lot about him and may help you decide if this is a good idea.

In this situation if I was him I would offer half of bills and food. Plus half of (rent - interest only aspect of my mortgage).

Then I would suggest we save towards our own place so we can keep the current houses when buying together. These savings would go into sole name accounts.

In reality if I was him I’d pick up more luxury expenses too. I’d also expect to do 50% of housework.

I have been the higher earner and I split things proportionally. Plus picked up holidays etc.

Edited

His house is smaller so makes less sense to move there.

There is no mortgage/rent on my place

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TeenagersAngst · 08/03/2025 07:34

Have you discussed it with him yet and if so what are his thoughts?

Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:35

NewbieSM · 08/03/2025 06:53

I mean is there disagreement between the two of you? They way I see it, moving in together should benefit both parties, you share in the savings.

He gets to rent out his property and profit from that and reduced utility bills/ council tax, and you benefit from a reduction in bills ( he pays 50% including groceries, pays for a cleaner and nominal rent toward wear and tear/ light maintenance, maybe £200 pcm ) you are responsible for direct children's costs, uniform, hobbies, gifts etc.

Frankly he's getting a great deal just paying half the bills, find me accommodation that I could get all food and bills included for only a few hundred £ a month

We havent sat and bottomed it all out yet, I'm just preempting what's reasonable for me to bring to the table when we do.

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Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:38

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 08/03/2025 07:24

I would say 30/40% of food, toiletries etc. And £400/£500 for rent. Pay for a cleaner and wack the rest into your pension.

If you go out or on holiday, as "a family" you are going to have to pay for the kids.
Perhaps sit down and discuss properly before he packs up and rents his place out.

We've been on holidays as a family with the kids and I have always paid for me and the kids.

We will be sorting it before he packs his bags, I've mentioned that we'd get a cohabitation agreement in place so he won't be moving in just yet 😊

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Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:46

I wouldn't say it's tricky that we don't have a pattern, more like fluid depending on the situation. Sometimes he will pay for us all, but I wouldn't then want that to be what happens every time because I wouldn't feel comfortable about that. Plus it depends on the situation as to why we are eating out; what occasion it? Who's family are we with? who paid last time? have we done something just before and someone has paid that etc.

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Original poster

Goonie1 · 08/03/2025 07:47

Sanch1 · 08/03/2025 07:28

I would start by asking what he suggests. Will tell you a lot about him and the type of person he is.

When my now DH moved in with me before we married I was on tax credits so he paid me what I would lose in tax credits and child benefit by having him move in, then we split the bills above that. All at his suggestion, as he earned more. We were both better off living together, which I think is the main point you need to consider. But one of us want way way better off than the other.

Thank you. That's a good point.

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Dellspoem · 08/03/2025 07:52

If you did a joint account and had everything come out of there, would it even out fairly? That's what I would do in your situation.

NeedsMustNet · 08/03/2025 07:52

Definitely do not put his name on the deed. Being together for the long haul doesn’t have to mean 50-50 if you separate, if you are not married.

User5274959 · 08/03/2025 07:55

I might be in a similar situation in future
Dp has a small house
I've got a larger house, mortgage free.

I think I'd be happy with him renting his out and keeping that income, he still has a mortgage so wouldn't be left with loads and loads.

Then splitting bills. No right to my house, he still has his for security if we decide we want to split or are better living apart.

Yes he would do well out of it but then I want him to have security and I would know if he had more disposable income and could build up savings we would most likely both benefit from it as he is generous.

Despite a mortgage free house, my income is not great and a fair bit lower than his but I am more asset rich