Mentionitis

[Ilovemeggy38]

Would you think that this is mentionitis?
We were shopping in Aldi, he got a call from his manager ( the mentionitis) and she asked him to do overtime.
He said no then said to me, how shit she was to ask as she was probably being railed by her boyfriend herself?
I said what a weird thing to say, she was asking if you wanted overtime?
I left it.
Today he brought up as we were making a meal together how his coworkers think of her, I said oh how do they think of her?
He responded they think of ways they can fuck her, how she is , what positions etc
I said, you? And he was so quick to say no , not me, I don't do that.
But his previous comments, I'm a bit meh.
He doesn't talk about her constantly but when he does it's not in a managerial role, it's sexual.
They are shite.

Ugh.
"They think of ways..."
What a prince you have there...

Well he obviously has a sexual interest in her.
It sounds as though he works with some pretty disgusting colleagues as well.

There are billions of men in this world. You don't have to keep that one.

Sorry for context, he brings her name up only when it's work, but the work context is always sexual, it's she is a someone to talk about when it's his sexual take on it.
I have never heard him talk about her as an equal

Likely he and his colleagues have a disturbing WhatsApp group, too. Hope boss finds it and fires them all. Are they in the Police?

No, they are private sector.
I was hoping someone would tell me it's fine but I absolutely know it's not x

It's the horrible talking about her, the fact I heard with my own ears, he said she was " being railed" I hate that talk about Women.
He. Obviously feels okay about it

I’m sure you know. I am sorry.💐
Just hard for you when you realise the line has been crossed and you can’t ignore.

That’s disgusting. The fact he thought it was ok to say that to you too. That’s not mentionitis, that’s him and his work colleagues behaving like lecherous pigs. The fact he has said it, means he also thinks it too.

Mentionitis is more a series of individually innocent, and plausibly deniable comments that taken all together make you wonder whether the mentioner is a wee bit too interested in the mentionee. Like ‘Samantha at work likes blue cheese’ ‘huh, Samantha at work has been coming in late.’ ‘That actress looks a bit like Samantha at work. ’

’she’s probably getting railed’ and ‘They’re all thinking about ways they’d like to fuck her but not me oh noooo’ is more …brain ejaculation??

I know it’s not funny but WTF. Maybe he doesn’t actually fancy her himself but what’s the need for these comments? And to you! He sounds like a resentful misogynistic loon. At best.

Sorry OP.

I know, I absolutely know.
I hate these men
To think I have one in my bedroom, well it makes me ill.
But I do have one in my bedroom!
He pretends to be wonderful, he makes me coffee, he sees these women as less, he sees them as just a fuck, he sees them as not me, not their lovely girlfriends.
I fucking hate these men .

Definitely sounds like some jealousy issues,, too , and diss-ing she has earned promoted post

Ugh he’s gross. How would he react if you picked him up on it? If you said “she’s your fucking boss, she’s been hired to do this job because she’s capable and experienced and yet all I ever hear you say about her is sexual and disrespectful. If the guys at my work talk about me like that do you think that’s ok?”

Like would it even click that she’s a full human being living her own life or does he fail to see women as anything other than porn stars in waiting, just there as props, ready to bend over with a cheeky wink and get fucked by the boss/plumber/stepdad etc? I’m guessing he watches a lot of porn?

Misogynistic pigs.

Would you want your best friend dating a man like that? Your daughter? Your sister?

If the answer is no, then you know what you have to do.

He is VILE.

He’s a misogynist with an inferiority complex. He’s degrading her by talking about her in a sexual way to make himself feel better. He’s just a sexist pig, not having an affair.

Aw, I’m sorry you’re upset.

Personally I’d act not react at the moment. When and if you are certain you’re done with him, take time to think about how to do it. If you’re ending it, evaluate how, when and where, in your own time and safely. You can end it for any reason, I don’t know if I’d even be telling him why or trying to unpick his wiring, tempting as it is to try.

Because he may try to make out your outrage is misplaced, you’re over-reacting, or worse, turn the nasty on you. I say this purely because he sounds somewhat hyped about her, and like he could be belligerent, if challenged. Maybe I’m way off but he’s been chatting some wild shit about a woman who has presumably done him no wrong whatsoever other than having the temerity to be be his boss. And to the woman he’s supposedly meant to care most about. He sounds like he is either very immature, very angry, or lacking impulse control. Maybe all. So I’d be wary of reactive, jealous whack-jobbery from him.

Just as an aside, maybe this isn’t relevant and if so all good, but if that’s his colleagues, and this is a glimpse into his psyche (there’s his lovely woman and then there’s ‘fucks’) if he has any photos or texts or notes or whatever from you that you don’t want disseminated, see if you can get them back or get him to delete well before you dump him (don’t ask me how I know😵‍💫)

Sorry, good luck. X

Dump him. He's a misogynist.

Your DH sees women as meat.

I would be deeply concerned about how he speaks of you when with those men. In fact, I wouldn’t trust a word he said to reassure me in the subject.

Gosh leave him, it never gets better with these types.

You've certainly bagged yourself a Prince there 🤢

I'd have to end any relationship with him, he'd make my skin crawl.

This. Some men really dislike women in positions where they have authority over them.
It hurts their masculinity so they have to reduce them to being a sexual object to make themselves feel better. I've noticed this when I've worked with men in the past.

Well that kind of talk about a fellow female human being would make my fanny clamp shut like a bloody drawbridge. What a misogynistic shit your man is!

This isn't mentionitis, this is your DP showing you who he is - a misogynist who clearly takes issue with being managed by a woman. How old is he? I wouldn't see this woman as a threat to your relationship, it doesn't come across to me that he fancies her. Rather, he and his colleagues are sexualising her in a degrading way because she's in a superior status to them. I don't think he's mature enough to be in a relationship with you and if kids are on the table, I'd definitely reconsider as this is not a good role model.

Totally agree with this.