Mentionitis

[Ilovemeggy38]

Would you think that this is mentionitis?
We were shopping in Aldi, he got a call from his manager ( the mentionitis) and she asked him to do overtime.
He said no then said to me, how shit she was to ask as she was probably being railed by her boyfriend herself?
I said what a weird thing to say, she was asking if you wanted overtime?
I left it.
Today he brought up as we were making a meal together how his coworkers think of her, I said oh how do they think of her?
He responded they think of ways they can fuck her, how she is , what positions etc
I said, you? And he was so quick to say no , not me, I don't do that.
But his previous comments, I'm a bit meh.
He doesn't talk about her constantly but when he does it's not in a managerial role, it's sexual.
They are shite.

I’m not sure. I felt like the bit I really disagreed with was when the op said ‘doesn’t respect women like her, who are not their lovely girlfriends’ (or words to that effect). The words of her husband and colleagues indicate that they don’t respect women generally and the view of sex like it’s what men ‘do’ to their woman is a more general misogynistic view that he’ll have about all women.

I don’t know the context but if this female boss is young/or attractive/or wealthy then their desire is probably to take some of her superiority away through sex. The annoyance and comment about ‘being railed by her bf’ was too weird to interpret so it could indicate he fancies her but without more context it’s hard to tell.

Whatever the motivation it’s all huge red flags

I’m one of several female owners of a male dominated business where we have around 100 guys - just the small tip of the iceberg stuff they say about us that I get to hear about it horrific, some guys really do see women as nothing more than sex objects and hate the fact that we’re their bosses, seems to heighten their objectifying 🙄

This isn’t mentionitis, it’s straight up perverted obsession. Run.

It's not mentionitis is sexual harassment

Grim.

Mentionistis is when you have a crush on someone and mention them a lot.

Bawk 🤮

This is hideous.

Bin him. Or have a tough conversation about why he feels it's ok to talk about another woman like that. Open a discussion about whether he thinks it's ok - then decide whether you believe what he says back to you.

I have read everything.
Thank you.
I'm definitely questioning myself why I accepted his wording " railed her"
I'm disgusted by this.
His colleagues can do what they want, I have no control with that.
I am going to take him to task and ask what he actually meant by his blatetently mysoginist words, " rail her" it was so not how we talk, it's not how I would talk.
I think I have to speak to him and I will do, however I absolutely think I'm going to be gaslighted into it's how" blokes talk"

I'm just about to do this.
I will get back to you..
I'm absolutely sure the way it will go is ....I'm a femanazi, I'm jealous, I'm not seeing it from his point of view.
I'm a jealous femanazi
I know what I have to do.

This absolutely.
He sees her and his colleague's see her as a Woman who is there for them as a sexual being.
I had another discussion with him and he said the " blokes" were wanking off to her and giving each other points, how quick could you wank off to her..
It's unbelievable to me, I'm of the opinion people don't do this , so I'm blindsided by it.
I am to be honest blindsided by it, I don't do this x

I have just talked to him.
He is now saying it's his mates, it's not him.
He never sees Women " like that"
I said, you yourself said " railed"
He had no response to that.
He has just huffed off upstairs, said you are mental, you need help.
All because I called him out!!!

So now he's gaslighting. Dump him.

Germaine Greer said “never forget just how much they hate us.”

Sometimes, sadly, that’s the only conclusion one can come to.

Get rid. You're clearly not compatible in your values and I wouldn't want to commit my life to someone who has so little respect for women. His "defence" is appalling and that he's turned it into a you problem doesn't bode well for how he'll treat you in future.

I do think you need help OP.
You clearly have a very low bar with men.
He is a nasty misogynistic pig that speaks disgustingly about women and calls you mental......yet you appear confused by this behaviour.

Confused?
Confused is what women are when they are scared of being alone and afraid to dump utter scum.

He is low class scum.
He has shown you who he is, low class scum.

You shouldn't be confused, you should be relieved and either packing your shit or his.

There are women who end up with truly awful men and have children with them and bitterly regret hanging on when they were clearly shown who they were.

That you would tolerate any man calling you mental....the words abusive men use I might add, tells me your have a really low bar and are vulnerable to abusive men.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to build your self-esteem and self respect.

I'm sorry. You know what the answer is here.

Perhaps it would have been easier if he'd been open - it would have certainly made it more obvious who he is and what you need to do but my guess it that you will be gaslit all the way til the end now.

Please don't let him give you a tiny moment of wondering if you're doing the right thing letting go of this absolute peach of a man 🤮

Keep in mind. Younger generations will have to put up with what we put up with if we don't stand up to it.

He doesn't see women as equal. He wants to see them in their place, serving him. He's absolutely disgusting.

@Ilovemeggy38 Go and read the threads x 4 running this week ... https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5282477-dh-over-sharing-about-sex-life-again-humiliated
Obviously a different problem but do you agree with the advice the OP is being given? Sometimes it's easier to see other people' problems rather than your own.

I definitely see that as a no go in my relationship. I'm confused that you see what I was trying to say in my OP as being relevant?
I obviously know now he's a crap person for bringing his workplace issues into our relationship, he probably doesn't even know he has done that tbh.
It's not the same analogy, he hasn't talked about our sex life as far as I know.
My initial post was different, in that was he bringing up mentionitis because he fancied her.
Tbh, I don't think, post Saturday that is the case, I just think he is borderline mysoginist, sees women as ,well just Women, doesn't see any problems with talking about Women as objects.
That's my problem I know, and it's one I'm working on, but I would say it's the wider problem on when we have a media that proclaim Bonnie Blue to be the new way we see Women and girls.

And just to be very clear.
I am in no way understating I see him as a problem, he's very clearly said who and what he is by the " railed" comment.
I have my own decisions to make.
What is very clear is we have a lot of men who do see it okay to talk about us in this way.
Was it always like this?
Do we want it , no.
What do we do about it?
I have told mine, in no umbiquitoous circumstances absolutely NOT.
Are you telling yours?
This was mine saying about being " railed" I hated that terminology.
If yours uses anything like that, do the same, tell them no, it's not okay.
Thank you everyone who has commented, we need to keep the conversation going x

I think this x

OP I wouldn't be with a man that spoke like that about women. You seem to be saying all men are like your partner and I can assure you they aren't, thank god!
Yes there is still a big issue in society with misogyny and some women are not helping that, but that doesn't mean we need to settle for this behaviour.

Absolutely disgraceful. I would not be with a man like that.

And he was gaslighting you when he said you were mental and stormed off.

He is mental and misogynistic, so many men aren't like this and find this unacceptable.

I truly hope you work and have a financial way out of this.

You're avoiding or minimising your own situation by putting out a call to all women to say "no" to men like this. Saying no is of very little use. He will possibly be more careful not to share his raging misogyny with you, that's all.

The only thing you can do is get rid of him. And then perhaps support other women on similar situations if you feel able to. Calling on other women to say "no" to the nasty misogynist in their bed is close to useless.

Can you imagine how he talks about you to his colleagues? I doubt it's respectful.

He is not a "borderline misogynist". He's up to his neck in it.

My husband has never spoken about women in derogatory terms like that in the 30 years we've been together and he has worked in a primarily female profession in previous years.
There are men out there who are respectful and decent, yours is projecting onto his coworkers what he's thinking, it's a real ick.

All men are most certainly not like this.
Women like to say this sometimes to relieve themselves of having standards and dumping twats.

OP has one of the duds, but they are most certainly not all like that.

My initial post was different, in that was he bringing up mentionitis because he fancied her.
Tbh, I don't think, post Saturday that is the case, I just think he is borderline mysoginist, sees women as ,well just Women, doesn't see any problems with talking about Women as objects.
That's my problem I know, and it's one I'm working on, but I would say it's the wider problem on when we have a media that proclaim Bonnie Blue to be the new way we see Women and girls.

OP, you are not the problem. Never ever say you are the problem. The problem is clearly all him. He's the one that needs to work on himself. Don't let him condition your thinking.
The Mentionitis red flag still stands hugely tall. His behaviour was sufficiently poor for you to query it here.
On further questioning he gaslit you; called you mental and lost his cool.
That first red flag has not been cancelled. It has been joined by an even bigger flag pole with a red flag you can see from a town 40 miles away.
The other threads I posted were red flag city. That OP took a long time to see the red flags in her situation, but once she did, they literally were everywhere. I saw parallels. Two posters dealing with misogynist partners, one granted very extreme.
It's going to take you a little time to process all that's happened. Unpicking your living situation now might seem a drastic step for you but it's the right thing. A line has been crossed. You know what to do to protect your future self and potential future family if that was a route for you.