Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

[Jessa85]

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

• no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
• no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
• no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
• refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
• won't eat fish
• no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
• jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
• hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

My bad! Sorry OP

Does he though given he can’t afford to pay his share of the bills if he is relying on someone who earns significantly less to make up half of the bills

I would say this is financial abuse and I would expect more in the divorce settlement

Make a list over the last 10 years of his and your salaries and how much more you have contributed by ratio of earnings to prop him up

On a side note that you have more than food issues going on

I am struggling to see the difference between a curry (meat and vegetables in a sauce) which he will eat and a stew (meat and vegetables in a sauce) which he won’t eat

FWIW I do know a guy (also a high earner) who would only eat fish fingers, burgers, sausages or chicken nuggets with beans and chips. His marriage didn’t survive the honeymoon

'I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.'

That is your real issue.

I wouldn't be eating lack lustre food just because DH is fussy. He needs to cook his own dinner. Why should everyone else be deprived of varied meals to accommodate him?

I just want to tell you that this is financially abusive. You should not be paying 50/50 when your husband makes significantly more than you. You’re essentially financially subsidising him as well as being his live in servant. I bet as you do all the chores you end up spending more on the house and your kids. Please get out of this shitty awful marriage. Even if you have to get a little flat with your girls you’ll be so much happier.

OP you don't actually have a problem ( apart from setting your bar so low and reenforcing ideas to your children that women are skivvies)

OH doesn't like what you cook- so he can cook for himself.

So much of what you are saying @Jessa85 is resonating with me and making me wish I'd posted about my situation as I would have appreciated such excellent support.

My now ex H also hid and lost money. High six figures. I had housekeeping and had the same amount for nearly twenty years. He'd say he thought I was using the joint account too but it's a lie. I also had an appalling childhood and stayed after one event due to thinking I couldn't manage without him and not wanting my children's world to be broken up.

Result now - he said something unforgivable, I filed for divorce, I've got enough money, a massive chunk of his pension, more than half the house and I'm going home. Kids are doing really well, I'm doing 100% better than expected.

Him - he has a new girlfriend, lives with his mother, can't get a job, can't sleep, has abandoned one of our children and barely speaks to the others.

Win for me. You can have a win too.

Also, I have realised he was controlling me too but in a very sneaky and manipulative way and took advantage of my childhood.

This is the attitude I take with my similarly fussy husband. I do what I like half the time and what he likes the other half. If he doesn’t want to eat it he can go and buy KFC, a kebab (his usual choices) or make his own (never) or go without (he does this sometimes as a sulk and I ignore it).

Moans!

@2025willbemytime , omg, I'm starting to think these men all do the same things which is interesting as perhaps there's a predictable pattern to them, a personality type.

My ex husband was a high earner, used me as his service human, gave me the same 'pocket money ' for years and had zero empathy for how my life felt. I ended up much better off financially divorced. However, mine didn't hide the money, he spent it on himself. He also had zero interest or clue about our daughter - contact stopped very quickly, especially when he got a girlfriend.

He got remarried very quickly and is now going through another divorce. I wonder why? He's also estranged from our daughter.

@2025willbemytime yep, also manipulated my vulnerabilities regarding crappy childhood. Perhaps we should check it's not the same person 😂

I work full time as well as my dh. I leave before him and get in after him. I still cook as he is a feckless idiot in the kitchen. We play to our strengths. He does him and I do me. He will eat whatever I put in front of him. I am a good cook. He will clear up. He tells me he is grateful for whatever I give him. If however he started to dictate, and yes your oh sounds like a dictator, what I cooked, I would tell him to shove it up his arse and do it himself. You are enabling him. You know what you have to do.

I've realised now he needs to cook for himself.

I know a couple and they cook for themselves, he has a very different diet for various reasons and so does she. There isn't any issue with it and it suits them.

If I was as fussy/awkward/difficult I'd be cooking for myself and/or newly single!

Is he Peter Kay’s dad - cheese and cake, garlic and bread.

d

its a taste sensation.

Don't forget that tax will take a big whack. Is the 105k gross or net? If gross, he'll be paying 40% tax on it, so maybe not as much as you think (still double yours though) If net-the fucker has LOADS stuffed away and you should presumably be entitled to 50% in a divorce. A shopping spree for some less 'drab' clothes and spa weekend should be first on the list :)

Ha! No, but he'd been brought up with his mum cooking him 'special meals' so he didn't eat what everyone else was eating, he was pandered to. He also couldn't cook so he had very 'odd' ideas about what things actually were (like the cheesecake, he thought trifle should be served without the custard layer because otherwise it was blancmange). He would accuse me of putting cheese in really random things 'because it tastes cheesy' - and I mean really random things, like custard. Everything had to come from a packet or tin. It was awful to watch, like watching a fussy five year old pick over their food to see if you'd tried to sneak anything in it that might be good for them.

I showed him all the finances and he agreed it is a little unbalanced

Done.

Marriage would be done at that alone.

Why have you allowed him to make this your problem? Tell him he is making all the shopping lists, doing all the grocery shopping, and preparing all the meals from now on. Tell him that he will be preparing two different things at every meal so you are both satisfied.

The Dh is eating more than food @koolkatxx The OP doesn't give a rats arse if he starves to death. In fact it would benefit her greatly if he did.

Its very easy to get to such place if you are being slowly manipulated/gaslighted into it.

Wow. Have you actually read the OPs posts? And those on her new thread?

You couldn't possibly be more wrong, not to say more rude, arrogant and patronising.

It's your generation that brought them up like this - we all know who to blame for this disgusting behaviour. If you'd paid more attention to what was going on at home right under your nose then we wouldn't have half the problems we do in the world today. Your generation has a lot to answer for.....

If you can’t be bothered to read all my posts before pointing blame then I suggest you go back to Gransnet. My generation is infact very brave, and you would see that if you took even a second to read more than the first message. Do better.