Absolutely grossed out by partners sexual history

[LeoLibra18]

Not sure how people will respond to this but I met my partner at work, and we've been on and off (more on than off) for around 3 years.
I slept with someone else at work and I told him this and he was horrified. (You know the one... Workplace fling and all that)
SINCE THEN I have learned that he has had multiple sexual partners met at work, and he thinks I've not added all of this up with timings and that, and there's cross overs which he denies, but it's obvious he's been playing the field... I think I've realised that actually, he's a bit of a dog. Or at least he used to be before he met me.
Part of me thinks... Well I've got no room to talk because I've done it, but only the once. I'm pretty sure he's hitting double figures just from work, god knows about the rest outside and before he worked at that place. I genuinely can't wrap my head round it. I feel like a notch on the bedpost. I feel like just another bird. Has anyone else been with a stud? Because I don't think I can cope with it, it makes me feel sick😩

It sounds like, for him, sleeping around is some kind of sport. He clearly does it without involving any emotions, and without much discretion - so I can't see him ever changing. He would always accept a chance to sleep with someone just for fun - he may stop for a bit but he will never stop completely. So, unless you can accept it, you should not be with him. Its literally as simple as that.

TBH I'm also very surprised by your office atmosphere. People shagging each other left, right and centre. Is it a call centre or something, full of very young single people?

I don’t think this man is any good for you on many levels!

Your biggest concern should be that he lies to you and even when you’ve worked out he cheated in the past, he denies it. And more women keep coming out of the woodwork.

I couldn’t/wouldn’t get involved with someone with such a morally dubious background but if he was serious about you, he would come clean and admit the truth rather than drip feeding and denying. Clean slate and start afresh together. But of course you can’t trust this man. He has done nothing to show he can be trusted. I’m afraid it’s highly likely that he IS cheating on you (and some people at work know) and if he isn’t, it’s probably a question of when rather than if. No wonder you feel insecure!

You'll be back here in 10 years' time moaning he's been unfaithful whilst you're at home cooking and changing nappies.

"A stud"? It isn't 1985.

Sorry to dig up a post that has been lay dormant for a bit of time. I have been going through something like this and searched the forum looking for bit of advice, then I found this and I related to it.

Me and my partner of 4 years met at my old workplace, I worked there for the first 18 months of our relationship and he has worked in the same office for over 10 years now. We started dating shortly after I started and then around the time that I left, people had been telling me that he had an unhealthy amount of previous sexual partners in that same workplace. When I say unhealthy, I mean a lot of women! The other sexual partners happened before we met. After leaving , I'm filled with paranoia and can't get my head around how he has been at work before we met. I have voiced this to him and he's reassured me by telling me a past is the past for a reason. To say that has not helped would be an understatement, I think I wanted more than that from him, but don't know if I'm overreacting. Now I dread him going to work and it isn't getting any easier.

His ex partner that he has a 13 year old son with told me I should be careful when we first started dating, and I found this odd but didn't associate any behaviour to her comment. I thought she was being a spiteful ex.

My paranoia has gotten that bad that I've asked friends who are work colleagues of his that I know from working there if he has remained faithful at work, and they say he has, but I have my suspicions they would side with him.

If he was like that before me, why would he stop?
Its driving me insane going over it but I don't know why!

He’s not your partner he’s a work shag. Come on.

I think they reason you are getting answers you are considering rude is, because it is hard to understand some of this. Your work place does sound crazy, this level of inter-office hookups is not normal.

You are concerned about sexual pasts. But you think it is something you can never ask about? Why not? Some people don’t want to know, some people do. Some people are indifferent some people are not. There is nothing wrong with asking or not and nothing wrong with being put off or not.

It sounds like you need to be clearer in your own head about what you want and what you are ok with or not.

If he slept with 30 women but only you at work would that be ok, or if it was 10 women but all were at your work would that be better or worse? I wouldn’t assume that every women from his past are hurt by their relationships, some people get hurt and some don’t so unless you know I wouldn’t assume.

The issue of honesty is the bigger thing. If he won’t tell you (assuming you ask in a sensible way) about things you are asking then that may be an issue.

@IcyMintUser noone will read your post here. Just start your own.

Communal Colin

Oh it's nice that we dug this up 😂 SO, it turns out, he was playing the field the whole time, chatting to other girls, girls who have left the job, his ex, new starter girls... You name it. Whilst I have no specific evidence that anything sexual happened. I found enough proof with phone calls ect...
I should have trusted my gut but I kind of hoped for the nail in the coffin before I called it a day, at least I know, it wasn't me. And for a long time I questioned if I could have been better... But in the end I realised, I'm alright, he's the one with a problem 😂 3 years, gone.

Oh that isn't good, and hasn't provided any confidence for my situation. What did you find evidence of that made you realise he had been playing the field?

Me being paranoid makes me think , is it easier to blame his past relations and who he was for the way I see him now? Or am I blind and he is the same person he was then, now?

He could also be genuine and I am causing unnecessary trouble in our relationship. He makes me happy and I want to be with him, could I be ruining it for myself for no good reason?

Sad for you, but glad you've seen the light.

Go and get STD tested.

I slept with someone else at work and I told him this and he was horrified. (You know the one... Workplace fling and all that). SINCE THEN I have learned that he has had multiple sexual partners met at work, and he thinks I've not added all of this up with timings and that, and there's cross overs which he denies

How hard is the concept ‘don’t shit where you eat’?

Is your workplace the scene of a Carry On movie, sounds bizarre. I bet HR is thrilled.

Also, use of the term ‘stud’ is weird. What is that? He’s just someone who seems to mindlessly shag many women, some of whom he works with, others he doesn’t.