Weird date

[rubberduck68]

So… had a third date last night. I like him; funny, bright, well dressed. We are both mid-fifties and met on Hinge. Went for dinner and he said that he is “wired a bit differently”, and when I asked what that meant he said he’s “a bit odd.” It was delivered with a kind of boyish charm; you know like he thought it might be cute? It turns out he’s diagnosed himself (or his ex-did who is some kind of counsellor) as being “Aspie” – his words. I thought we weren’t saying that anymore? He went on to say, “I’m probably not very good at relationships,” with a wink. Putting aside that winks give me the ick, I was thrown by his honesty and can’t decide if it’s self-awareness, or a warning that he’s going to be a nightmare! NB: have friends on autism spectrum in great relationships so I am not worried or judging about that, it’s more his language that has given me pause. Am I over-reacting?

I can see that now. He has a kind of mockney voice, so a lot of the "ex-bird", "missus", "in the doghouse'" comments sounded kind of jovial? But out of context and the next day, maybe not so good...

Also: he replied "I'm on my best behaviour", another wink

As an autistic woman, I say: RUN. This is a common or garden misogynist who has learned to mask his misogyny in the early days of a relationship by turning everything into a joke. Your gut is telling you that the jokes aren't really jokes.

When someone tells you what they are, believe them.

He will treat you so badly you'll be back here before you know it.

He has no respect for women. He's a nob.

The more you reveal, the worse he sounds...

He's already told you he is bad at relationships - why hasn't that put you off?

He's aware he's going to be crap but he thinks he can spin it as a foible. He's not worth the hassle.

...well it probably should have, but it lead to a conversation about how everyone on Hinge in their fifties (except people who have been widowed) are there because they have either been in bad relationships or are the ones bad at relationships, and do we ever know which ones we are? He's quite clever in his delivery, very educated with a good job... it sounds simple but at the time it didn't feel like an issue until the cold light of day and I strung everything together...

UPDATE: He had sent me a “good morning gorgeous” today, so I guess he enjoyed the date. I sent him a voice message about an hour ago, thanking him for dinner (he booked and paid) but that I am concerned that “I’m probably not very good at relationships,” is a precursor to unaccountability down the line when things go South, and that I don’t feel we are a good match emotionally, but wished him well in his dating adventures." I was polite but firm. Thanks MN for your support!

He texted back: “I thought the date was an uphill struggle. Your insecurity tells me that you have trust issues and I don't want that agro. Best wishes.” !!!

You definitely dodged a bullet. Well done. Better luck in the future 💐

OMG, he so quickly turned that back onto you! Now you have an idea of what would have been coming your way. Good move, OP

What a charmer!

Good morning gorgeous….
What a tosspot! Well at least you worked it out.
Praying for his next victim….

Well it might be a protected characteristic, but that doesn't mean the OP is now obliged to have a relationship with this person.

I am shocked... Shocked I tell ya..

I haven't been this shocked since I grabbed a live wire sticking out of the wall and was blown across the room..

I can't believe how shocked I am...
I have never ever ever known a man to turn the blame back on a woman for their behaviour..

Shocked.
Call me Mrs shocked from Shocked Street, Shockerton, Shockershire SH0 CK3D

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

(What a typical male reaction, borish typical mind numbingly unoriginal twat)

Just laugh, OP, and congratulate yourself on a bullet dodged, and a can not kicked down the road.

You can imagine what he would have replied had you said ‘Last night was wonderful! Want to come over this evening?’ He would have congratulated you on your acumen. And sent you several winking emojis.

He went on to say, “I’m probably not very good at relationships,” with a wink.

If he knows he's bad at relationships then why is he on a dating app?

Sounds like he's setting you up to expect bad behaviour from him. Don't know if he's ND, he definitely sounds like a wanker though.

I have kicked so many cans down the road, it does feel good to put my feet up this time!! 😂

We really aren't 'all on the line' and autism is definitely classed as a disability.

If you read through the thread I have already apologised for that comment, and any others that I made that may have been misguided regarding Autism. I wasn't really posting about his ND, more about his language and what that meant.

Just read your previous comments, didn't see them before adding my own. No worries Op.
Well doing on dodging a bullet!xx

Good morning gorgeous to uphill struggle - what a dick! At least you know your instincts are spot on. I find a lot of people who try to self diagnose are using genuine conditions to excuse shitty behaviour.

What a prize NOB! His response is classic Darvo behaviour. At least you know you made the right decision👏

You definitely made the right decision.
Well done 😜 😜.

Good call.

Typical twatty bloke, has to put the knife in and get the last word.

No worries, it has become quite a long thread. Grateful for that though, got me where I needed to be!

As anticipated, this man clearly has severe mental issues. Bloody bastard reeks of narc tendencies.
Well done on dodging this son of a bitch.