Mother in law constantly playing the victim with my DH

[grouchngucci]

She lives alone and I understand how hard this can be as my mother has lived alone for 30 years.. my mother is very independent and never puts on us..

MiL wants to visit our home every 2 weeks and stay the night as she lives a 1 hour train trip away..

She msgs husband saying 'hey shall I come down?' He never has the balls to say not this week.. he has done in the past and it caused upset and one of his aunts getting in touch.. his dad died nearly 10 years ago..

She doesn't do much with her own life.. very sedentary.. she's only 72.. wants to be waited on like a queen..

I'd like to keep her at bay a bit more but husband has lots of guilt.. she used to overstep the mark entirely but I've had to put boundaries in place.. but she still tries things to be her own way.. so annoying!!

Nip this in the bud before it becomes a big issue in your marriage. If it feels too much it is too much. If DH feels guilty, he can go and see her, but it sounds like he is not all that fussed, so don’t let it become your burden.
This is your family and your life, not hers. She had her family and they have grown up, so she now needs to take a step back and fit in with yours. You’re not stopping her, you’re simply reducing the quantity so that you can have more quality time with her. I bet you would also have a much better relationship with her if it was more quality. Maybe start by inviting her, so she relies less on inviting herself, or having plans on the second day so that you only have 1 day at the weekend to spend with her. You could also arrange to all go to ger house and take her out for lunch every so often, so that she feels less of a need to always have to come and see you. Perhaps also suggest meeting half way on other days, for a trip out somewhere.

I would suggest a compromise OP. Your DH visits her by himself once a month and she also comes to yours once a month. When she's there don't wait on her hand and foot. Offer her a tea etc but the also say - feel free to help yourself if you want a drink or some snacks. That's completely fine for a regular visitor. If she complains challenge her back. Just stop going along with it.

@Edcc

He was like an antichrist when she returned omg,that had me in stitches 🤣

How I love the stories of good comeuppance ❤️absolutely brilliant

Funny like it’s all the same story- you’re supposed to tolerate everything thrown at you but they are shocked when you do it back.

What happened to „treat people as you’d like to be treated”?