Thinking of staying and settling...

[mikado1]

First thought obviously the DC and not causing upheaval and upset for them
We get on fine as friends and run the home well, both do our share etc
Shared values
Combined finances make us comfortable but not super well off, it would be more of a struggle solo

Con: there's no real love from my side and I'm lonely

Can you try to make other aspects of your life happier so that you feel more fulfilled without having the closeness of a proper relationship?

Also, you describe being up and down and I wondered if hormones are playing a part in this. Although I know it’s a huge decision so I can see you would been unsure hence changing your mind day to day.

The problem is there is no right answer & you’ll never know what the other option would entail.

I think I’d be in your situation if my exH hadn’t found OW & left. I would have been equally torn. I am sorry you are going through this.

Why should he leave his home? This is marriage fgs. Start looking at the positives in him. How would it feel if he wanted you gone? Another relationship on the brink requiring an extra home and no doubt some benefits to be claimed so the tax payer can pick up the bill because a mumsnetter is a bit fed up.

Good for you, it’s a start, hopefully it will change for the better, whatever that change is.