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Original poster

FWB

139 replies

BeRoseScroller · 20/02/2025 19:44

does anyone else have any experience with fwb? I’ve just started my first one, I’m 43 single with 4 kids please dont judge! We set rules a few weeks ago, so no catching feelings, be honest truthful etc -met up for the first time this week and the sex was great. He wants to get involved with us inviting other people to join in, first one next Thursday with someone he knows. I stayed over at his we got on well he text the next morning to ask how I was feeling, said he really enjoyed it etc. just looking for experience or feedback from others who have been in this situation! Tia x

OP posts:
Comfortablycosy · 20/02/2025 22:03

How does a man like this manage to get not one, but two women to have casual sex with him?

NameChanges123 · 20/02/2025 22:15

He sounds like a creepy sleazebag.

Missj25 · 20/02/2025 22:39

Nodlikeyouwerelistening , very judgmental thing to say , “trying to see how low you will stoop “..
Don’t get me wrong he’s not a nice guy to get mixed up with & I 💯 think OP should stay clear , but I also don’t believe people “ stoop low “ as you put it , if they engage in 3 ways ! ! !
Just it has to be right ..

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 20/02/2025 23:32

You keep saying you’re confused by it. I’d say that if you're not talking about it all and making sure you’re on the same page its going to get messy.

I’ve never had a threesome (and wouldn’t with another woman as I’m very straight!) but from what I read about couples who swing etc
they usually meet the third for a chat and drink before the event to make sure they get on. Its slightly different as you’re not a couple, but even so, wouldn’t you rather have met the woman you’re intending to shag?!

I had a FWB/fuck buddy situation a
few years ago between relationships. We’d ‘met’ online years before and been Facebook friends for ages. Then when I was single we went on a date. Next time was ‘watching a film’ at his house, and we met a few times after that. He worked away a lot so we couldn’t meet that often, but when we did he was sweet and respectful, the sex was good fun and there was no confusion or weirdness.

Sounds like your guy enjoys pushing boundaries. Be careful. And him using protection is all well and good - but will he be changing the condom between shagging you and her? Because its not just him you’re having sex with.

healthybychristmas · 21/02/2025 00:00

Come on, OP, this is a man who is pushing all boundaries. You are old enough to know better. He's not got your interest at heart. He will push and push and push and he's already told you he doesn't even want you to be his girlfriend! It's not true that any man is better than no man. This man sounds particularly useless. Pull together self respect and dump him.

LittlePudding1 · 21/02/2025 00:33

Forget about him and what he wants for a moment and think about what you want.

Do you want to just have casual sex with this guy and threesomes? If you do then great, go for it. I'm thinking that you don't though, otherwise you probably wouldn't have posted here asking for advice.

Or do you want more of a friendship that includes sex? If you do and you think this is the guy for that, have a talk with him, see if you're on the same page and go from there!

If you don't want the same thing cut him loose. There are plenty of guys out there looking for fwb that are respectful and actually want the friends part as well as the benefits. I had one for 2 years after my divorce and we had a lovely time but ultimately he ended up wanting more and in the end we parted ways because I couldn't give that to him!

MarkingBad · 21/02/2025 00:57

I had a FWB years ago and like other PP we spent a lot of time together not just in bed. It was over 12 months before he suggested bringing in his friend, another man. I said it's not something I'm interested in. I knew this friend from our friendship group but he'd never approached me before. We did all have a chat about it when we were out for a few drinks with this friend after I was asked. They asked if it could be discussed even though I'd said I didn't want to initially. I heard them out but still said no, it was respected by both men and never brought up again.

You barely know this man, you had sex once.

This man tried to lovebomb you to manipulate and confuse you into doing anything he wants.

You don't know his friend and he's not planned any meeting between the 3 of you to discuss the event.

He says this person is a woman, you don't know that you've not met her, it might not be one person even.

What if you don't like her, even if you were wildy into women you might not want to have sex with her or even in front of her. What if you are expected to do something you don't want to. What if they want to film it?

You don't know what to expect of the evening, you could be walking into anything good, bad, embarrassing, humiliating, or downright dangerous.

I'll repeat, you barely know this man why would he expect you to have a threesome so soon? Was that ever duscussed before?

There are good swingers but there are some bloody awful ones too, don't put yourself at risk.

If you want to continue with this man and like the idea of a threesome make sure you meet her. Make sure you know what is expected of the event. Make sure you discuss what you would and wouldn't agree to. Make sure you know what contraceptives you will be using and that condoms are changed if he has penetrative sex (anywhere) with both of you.

Keep youself safe.

EBearhug · 21/02/2025 07:58

What do you want?

You need to know him enough to know how much you trust him. You need to be very clear about what you want, where your boundaries are. This is especially important if you're not exclusive, and it sounds like he isn't, even if you are. When was he last tested for STIs? Have you seen the results, or just had his word for it? When did you last have a test? Are you using condoms? Men tend not to talk about condoms or contraception ot STIs unless you bring it up, and most will happily go for unprotected sex if they think they'll get away with it. I assume they were told about STIs and pregnancy at school. They just don't seem to care...

Even if you're interested in a threesome, it's too soon. I don't get the impression from what you say that you are, and it's definitely not something you should do if you're not into it. You need to know each other better first and have a better idea of how you work together in bed and to have built some trust.

I have a couple of FWBs. The friend bit is important, and we talk a lot about things we're interested in, like art, and also work and family, same as I do with friends with whom there is no sexual interest. We're just not up for anything more for myriad reasons, and if either of us met someone we wanted to be serious about, that's accepted it would be the end of the benefits, but not the friendship.

I've also had fuck buddies. We know far less about each other, and it is just about the sex. When I stopped seeing them, that was the end of it, because it was just about the sex.

I have also been involved in threesomes and swinging. It's definitely not something that suits everyone, and you shouldn't do it unless it's something that interests you.

There is a whole Internet of men out there. Most of them aren't worth your time of day, but enough of them are there that you should be able to find someone who suits you and your needs and desires. Just make sure you have spent time on working out what it is that you need and desire.

Original poster
BeRoseScroller · 21/02/2025 08:05

MarkingBad · 21/02/2025 00:57

I had a FWB years ago and like other PP we spent a lot of time together not just in bed. It was over 12 months before he suggested bringing in his friend, another man. I said it's not something I'm interested in. I knew this friend from our friendship group but he'd never approached me before. We did all have a chat about it when we were out for a few drinks with this friend after I was asked. They asked if it could be discussed even though I'd said I didn't want to initially. I heard them out but still said no, it was respected by both men and never brought up again.

You barely know this man, you had sex once.

This man tried to lovebomb you to manipulate and confuse you into doing anything he wants.

You don't know his friend and he's not planned any meeting between the 3 of you to discuss the event.

He says this person is a woman, you don't know that you've not met her, it might not be one person even.

What if you don't like her, even if you were wildy into women you might not want to have sex with her or even in front of her. What if you are expected to do something you don't want to. What if they want to film it?

You don't know what to expect of the evening, you could be walking into anything good, bad, embarrassing, humiliating, or downright dangerous.

I'll repeat, you barely know this man why would he expect you to have a threesome so soon? Was that ever duscussed before?

There are good swingers but there are some bloody awful ones too, don't put yourself at risk.

If you want to continue with this man and like the idea of a threesome make sure you meet her. Make sure you know what is expected of the event. Make sure you discuss what you would and wouldn't agree to. Make sure you know what contraceptives you will be using and that condoms are changed if he has penetrative sex (anywhere) with both of you.

Keep youself safe.

Thanks for this. He has arranged for us all to meet first at his and I’ve come up with a list of dos and donts with her, rules etc and protection. . I just need to have a serious think

OP posts:
Kulwinder54 · 21/02/2025 08:10

don't do it

gamerchick · 21/02/2025 08:21

You're being used. You are the third person to join their fantasy OP. But I guess some lessons need to be learned the hard way. Good luck.

Missj25 · 21/02/2025 08:37

i don’t think you’ve met this guy enough on your own being honest ..
I wouldn’t be meeting him this weekend at his with his” friend “ …
You need to get to know this guy better & you’re rushing into a 3way , that you may ( or may not ) regret later , What’s the rush 🤷🏻‍♀️
Enjoy one another for another while & you’ll def have a better idea of what you’d like to do then going forward , cause it’s not all about him & it seems to be so far ..
I don’t know , I just get a vibe from your story , that this guy is a dick !!!!!
First & Foremost , he should be a nice , decent guy & he doesn’t sound like one , I just don’t think he gives a shit about your feelings from your post ….

BeardofHagrid · 21/02/2025 08:41

I’m in a fwb situation that is coming to an end, because he has got bored of me. I haven’t had feelings all along but now feelings of hurt and despair have come over me. I would just say to anyone, don’t do fwb because it ends up really messing with your head. It gets way too complicated. Sex creates real emotions that will hurt us in the end.

MarkingBad · 21/02/2025 10:15

BeRoseScroller · 21/02/2025 08:05

Thanks for this. He has arranged for us all to meet first at his and I’ve come up with a list of dos and donts with her, rules etc and protection. . I just need to have a serious think

Show quote history

So you are meeting her on just prior to the event. No thinking time?

Wow that is not safe at all. Seriously this is really irresponsible. None of you know each other.

May I ask what the rush is?

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 21/02/2025 10:20

MarkingBad · 21/02/2025 10:15

So you are meeting her on just prior to the event. No thinking time?

Wow that is not safe at all. Seriously this is really irresponsible. None of you know each other.

May I ask what the rush is?

Show quote history

This, OP. This man does not have your safety in mind, or you at all seemingly, please look out for yourself.

iloveblackcats · 21/02/2025 10:32

I've been in a FWB situation and I wouldn't do it again as I can't do casual sex and wonder what the person is doing with other people.

You need to have boundaries about what you will and won't do. Chances are that if you don't do the threesome they will find someone else anyway pretty soon. Personally I wouldn't meet the other woman at his place as it sounds like it is set up to get you to do this and you may not be comfortable with it at all

TwistedWonder · 21/02/2025 10:37

Tbh it sounds like this other woman is his actual FWB/FB and they just want a third person to fulfil the role in their threesome and you’ll do.

Original poster
BeRoseScroller · 21/02/2025 10:41

BeardofHagrid · 21/02/2025 08:41

I’m in a fwb situation that is coming to an end, because he has got bored of me. I haven’t had feelings all along but now feelings of hurt and despair have come over me. I would just say to anyone, don’t do fwb because it ends up really messing with your head. It gets way too complicated. Sex creates real emotions that will hurt us in the end.

Thankyou this is good advice and exactly why I’m thinking not to go ahead

OP posts:
EmeraldsandRubies · 21/02/2025 11:10

It sounds messy.

And that he is calling the shots. And you are trying to be the cool girl and going along with it.

Don't think you don't have options for a more exclusive fulfilling emotional relationship if you want one.

For me FWB - means benefits on both sides. I feel like he has recruited you for a threesome, but you are the third wheel. he is bringing you in, as the other woman that was there before you.

Remember you can say no. Whatever you do I hope you have fun and feel happy.

TheLargestToblerone · 21/02/2025 11:10

It shouldn't be confusing, so if it is put a stop to it. It sounds as though everything is about what he wants, and you are just going along with it because it's all new to you. If you aren't enthusiastically looking forward to a threesome then do not do it. When you say no to it, his reaction will be very telling.

DuchessDissasster · 21/02/2025 11:32

Have you done anything like this at all before?

Gymbunny2025 · 21/02/2025 11:50

For all you know they'll be secretly filming or worse. I really don't think going to the house of 2 people that know each other when you barely know one is safe

outerspacepotato · 21/02/2025 12:36

"He has arranged for us all to meet first at his"

I think this is a very very bad idea. You barely know this guy, he's trying to get you into group sex situations with people you don't know, and meeting the 3rd party at his place sounds dangerous.

At best you're their unicorn, look it up.

This man is not your friend.

Geesgirl · 21/02/2025 13:33

Me and mine have fallen in love.

Flatbellyfella · 21/02/2025 13:43

He sounds like someone you need to steer clear of , what will he try to get you into after a threesome with his girlfriend?