FWB

[BeRoseScroller]

does anyone else have any experience with fwb? I’ve just started my first one, I’m 43 single with 4 kids please dont judge! We set rules a few weeks ago, so no catching feelings, be honest truthful etc -met up for the first time this week and the sex was great. He wants to get involved with us inviting other people to join in, first one next Thursday with someone he knows. I stayed over at his we got on well he text the next morning to ask how I was feeling, said he really enjoyed it etc. just looking for experience or feedback from others who have been in this situation! Tia x

I am don’t worry, giving it some serious thought. Don’t want to get involved in a messy situation 🤔

If it’s something you are happy to do and want then go for it but if you have the slightest doubt don’t let him talk you into it

Indeed very true x

This sounds more like a fuck buddy than a friend with benefits situation.
A fuck buddy is somebody you meet up with for sex and then immediately get dressed and go home.
A friend with benefits is somebody you’d go to the cinema with or for lunch with or if you need to go to a wedding with a date etc. and you also have sex with them (it very rarely works because people tend to develop feelings as a result of spending time with somebody).

I was happily single for 6 years and decided to try FWB with a guy I worked work with as I had absolutely zero feelings for him.
It did not work.
We now live together and we’re expecting a baby in July 😂

Yeah, I stay over at his we have a cuddle in bed etc but that’s about it, I think he’s using the term friends with benefits very loosely tbh

Does he want an open relationship? Or a polyamorous relationship?
If he wants you but wants to invite other people but then says he sees you as more than a FWB that’s all confusing.

Have you figured out what you want?
Or are you quite open to anything but have firm boundaries on where you will draw the line?

I think this set up is at the envelope of the FWB definition and nearer to a sex friend or f buddy.

Think of FWB as non-monogamous dating with no progression to a committed couples relationship. It's just the fun bits - the meeting up, enjoying each others company, dating, and physical intimacy. It can also be monogamous.

An f buddy is someone that you meet for the purposes of no strings attached sexual intercourse. This may include boundary pushing behaviours, multiple person sex, and public sex.

I think this is leaning towards the latter. Are you comfortable with that?

I honestly haven’t a clue it’s confusion city and I’m starting to think I might be better off out it

I worry that I am sleepwalking into a relationship with my FWB which I don't want because we're very, very different. Did you both want your situation to turn into a serious relationship or did one person want it more and had to 'persuade' the other? I'm glad it worked out for you. I sometimes think 'what am I scared of?' when things are going well with my FWB. But then i remember that we will probably drive each other insane if we became boyfriend & girlfriend because we're so different from one another.

Or, if you still wanted to explore sex with no strings attached, it might be that you need to find a different “partner” who is clearer on what he wants/helps you explore to find out what you want.

I would suggest, if you have no interest in women at all, to avoid the threesome with the other woman until you’re sure.

There are some things you can’t undo x

FWB + other people = the quickest way to catch an STD and jump on the mental health bus of low self esteem, no self worth and living an unfulfilled life just being a giver and taker of sexual gratification.

Aren't you worth more than that?

It just happened.
He’s 8 years younger than me and the polar opposite to anybody I’ve ever been with so I thought I was so safe in never finding him attractive as a partner.
He came out with it one day they he had started to feel attached to me.
I reluctantly admitted the same.
We agreed we would be exclusive until we figured out whether to end it or continue.
Neither of us knew what we were but we knew we didn’t want it to end.
I’ve never been with anybody like him, and yet I feel like he’s who I am supposed to be with.
I am completely myself with him because, to begin with, I didn’t care if I pissed him off or upset him (very unlike me) in that if he did or said something annoying I’d call him out on it so we’ve somehow ended up in the most honest relationship 😅 I’m usually a people pleaser but I just haven’t had to be in this.

You sound very naive OP and keep saying ‘this is new to me’ but you just seem to accept what he’s telling you without question.

Most FWB aren’t getting you into threesomes after 5 minutes of it all. The clue is in the name it’s a friend with the benefit of sex. Basically it’s a casual arrange where you’re mates who get on well, have fun and lots of sex but without the commitment of a full on relationship.

This bloke just seems to want women to fuck and to fulfil his sexual needs. I mean did you go into this wanting a threesome or are you bringing dragged into it by him?

I’ll be honest I think you might need to wise up if you’re serious about a FWB otherwise you’ll be putting yourself at risk of a lot of damage - emotionally but potentially physically too. Do you have self esteem issues OP because I think most women would have told this creep to fuck off the minute he mentioned a third person.

Feb what is that?

I find the whole fwb thing a weird set up. I genuinely don't understand why people would sleep with other people that they don't want to be in a relationship with...it seems exhausting and confusing. But I've only slept with X1 person so maybe not the best person to judge.

I’ll be honest I’m having a few doubts about this post. You say you’re a 43 year old mother but you write like a teenager - confusion city???? What middle aged person speaks like that?

He immediately wants to pimp you out and you're ok with it?

Come on OP. You're going to feel used really soon.

It's just a phrase that's all, I just meant confused

I'm not entirely sure this man really knows what he wants, because he's sending mixed messages. He says he likes you more than FWB but what he's suggesting isn't FWB, but rather a Fuck Buddy! The Friends part of FWB is the important part - you get to know the person, go out for a meal, cinema, chat etc. A Fuck Buddy is just someone you fancy and have sex with, full stop. You've been out with this man a couple of times and he's already suggesting bringing another woman into the arrangement?!!! FWB is usually exclusive! This is a Fuck Buddy arrangement, that's very quickly turning into a threesome. I'm non-judgemental, if you are bi-curious and want to experiment, then that's perfectly fine. However, you shouldn't be bringing someone else into this arrangement until you're comfortable with this man, and it's actually something YOU want. You need to think about what it is you want? Don't go along with what this man wants, if you aren't 100% sure, it's for you. Far better to walk away, than get dragged into something messy and complicated.

Op how did you meet him? Were you looking for a FWB or a relationship?

All of this. I would get away from him.

Do you want to get into swinging and playing with other people with him?

Lots about his wants and his suggestions, but what about yours?

Just be very careful. That lifestyle is very very very difficult for single guys. It's a lot easier if they have a woman willing to join in as other couples and pairs will then look at swapping. Don't let him railroad you into a lifestyle that you aren't looking for.

I agree , this isn’t FWB, he is trying to coax you into a 3 way & you’ve only met him for sex once !
He’s all about the benefits & then some !!!
Also , I’ve done FWB & if you are someone who gets attached , well stay clear of it ..
With regard to guy you’ve met now , he sounds like a DICK !

He sounds a bit of a perv. I'd forget about this fwb business. It will probably end in tears or worse.

Thankyou for all the advice, its much appreciated.