February 2025 Well we took you to Stately Homes

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

A new thread indeed!.

What an inspiring post 🙏 Thank you so much for sharing this, it means a lot to me personally and gives me so much strength... What an achievement: congratulations for this meaningful and wise life you build for yourself 🙌

I am sorry for boring everyone with my situation. I bumped into one of dm elderly neighbours today she lives further down the road and has done since I was born and she asked how dm and dsis was and I said I didn't know as haven't seen either of them recently due to a family fall out. I was going to leave it at that and I don't think she was being nosy and she certainly doesn't know what is going on and she started with the life is short I hope you resolve things and I said it was out of my control and ended up having a conversation about what has and is going on

That is the first time I have told someone who knows us as a family what has actually gone on I have mentioned to colleagues the latest drama and my friends but never been in the position of having to explain to others and it was actually ok

spendysis I don't find your situation boring at all, I think you're in a rotten position. I'm glad you felt ok explaining what is really happening, did it give you some relief? I wonder if you could also explain to that friend who was letting herself out of your mum's house? This isn't a situation of your making at all.

A friend of mine upon hearing that a horrible ex boyfriend had had a stroke said 'I hope he washed his filthy hands afterwards'.

I'm in the Airbnb whilst my house is being done. It's in a bit of a tourist hot spot, I'm not used to 'throngs' anymore! It really really confirms to me that my move to somewhere out of the way was totally the right move.

I had told mum that I planned to move away after she was gone and she mentioned it to monster ex sister who was horrified. I think at the confirmation that I had zero interest in her opinion and wouldn't dream of consulting her about my decision etc.

She said to me that she was going to emigrate to Australia. I think to make me sad 🤣 I said 'how lovely, all that sunshine!' She never mentioned it again.

In the dying embers of contact while we were wrapping up the last scraps of the estate she was really scatter shotting with ridiculous power attempts. None of which I 'noticed'. I enjoyed watching her spin after all the decades of pure cuntery.

And I enjoy even more the sheer peace of having removed that utter wart.

My conclusion is that it's ok to be a bitch to a bitch.

cheekysnake congratulations to your bc for passing their theory test.

I was remembering when I took my test the first time, before there was a theory test.

I failed, I hadn't had enough lessons and really wasn't good enough. I told Dad I had failed and he said 'don't tell your mother'. So I drove their car next time I saw them unlicensed and uninsured!

Despite the fact that both of them had also failed on the first attempt. Crazy.

They also used to get both of us to steal from work, anything, even post it notes. Zero thought to what would happen if caught.

Thankyou all for your kind words.

It's over, my mother passed away yesterday evening. My brother texted to let me know.

It won't be simple from here, I'm bound to catch some flak from my sister who was very close to her. But I'm pretty much nc with her too, so it will be a few nasty WhatsApp messages banning me from the funeral. Which I was never going to go to anyway.

Anyhow I haven't slept a wink but need to get up anyway, the dog isn't going to take himself to the groomer!

Hugs. I hope you're okay, and I wanted to say that whatever feelings this brings up, they're okay too.

@weegiemum unless you need to keep communication open with sister block her.
I must admit I felt enormous relief when my mum died, I didn't go to funeral or speak to siblings who I blocked at same time as mum.
I just felt thank god it's over. I have no reason to be in touch with siblings, I'm sure they would like to throw some shit my way but I just don't care, about them, their lives or what they think. Xx sending love.

I've been reading you all for a long time. I don't have issues with my family or Dh's family but I have a good friend who I believe is a narcissist.

Our friendship has had up and downs. We connected with each other because of similar backgrounds but run into trouble when she created a lot of drama over nothing. I hate drama and cut the relationship for several years.

Eventually, and because we have close mutual friends, we reconnected. Her childhood was completely dysfunctional but won't listen to advice to talk to a clinical psychologist. She won't accept any advice except listening to what she wants - she knows everything, she's experienced everything, and you barely can get your point across talking to her. She has grandiose ideas about herself even if we all know how tough it must have been. Her marriage is a complete disaster - her H asked for a divorce 5 years ago, wanting to sell the house. She controls him and refuses to sell it, even if financially it's in her best interest to sell.

Last year, her only daughter left their home after calling the police because she thought her mother could prevent her leaving the house at 24 y.o. I told my friend to stop contacting her daughter - she didn't listen and has contacted several times at work. My friend received a letter from a lawyer saying if my friend tried to contact her daughter again, she'd be up for harassment proceedings. I kept repeating the same thing to her - 'your daughter is an adult making her own decisions, and you need to respect them'.

There's been more drama involving friends since then. Even close friends don't want to have a relationship with her anymore. Today I called her, talked 2 hours about work, life and shallow issues until she asked me directly "you haven't asked about "Emily" (her daughter). I said Emily is an adult and a personal issue between them. I knew by her tone of voice, she hated my answer. She hung up straight after.

My DH keeps telling me to let the relationship go. But I don't want to do it. My friend is completely oblivious to her narcissism and feels alone and lost.

I don't live with her, she doesn't impact my life at all, but I'm finding it difficult to navigate ostracising her when I know she's completely unaware who she is

The house looks great but the pictures are awful. They are way too dark and give the wrong impression of the house.

What are you getting out of this friendship, exactly? You don't even like her!

Apologies for the previous post. I answered a different thread but somehow got linked to this one.

I like her. I know how much crap her life was .and why she's harming her child, and herself, when it's the last thing she wants to do.

The problem in communicating with a narc is that there is no path for clear communication with them.

Good for you. Ps don’t start your post with an apology!!!!

@TorroFerney I am sick of the situation so you lot must also be fed up with hearing about it as well

I normally would have just replied dm and dsis are fine but as the neighbour lives on dm road wondered if she has seen her curtains aren't opening when she goes past so didn't feel like I could lie and why should I. I didn't slag my dsis off just told the truth as to why we are not in contact which was my dsis choice in the first place

@weegiemum
Sending hugs and I hope you are ok. I agree unless you need to be in communication with dsis I would block them I plan to do that with my dsis once dm has passed although I doubt i will even be told which would make me sad as I would want to go to the funeral not the wake though as my issue is with dsis not dm although I am disappointed dm has allowed dsis to behave as she has

@Spendysis I think what helped me the most was talking honestly and openly about my family (on repeat loop) for a few months to husband and friends, I was certainly sick of it. It was like purging myself, I think the endless droning on about it resolved/processed it in my mind and it all fell into place, held no power over me anymore, anxiety became indifference. I suppose that's how therapy works.
I also stopped lying to other people about my mum and family. I didn't see why I should spare her shame and embarrassment, not that I think my mum was ever ashamed of her behaviour but I no longer kept the charade going. It was a big part of my accepting it wasn't my fault she was vile. Xx

The problem in communicating with a narc is that there is no path for clear communication with them.

Which is why the relationship is dead. You can't have any kind of relationship with someone if you can't communicate effectively with them. But you maybe need to keep trying for now until you eventually come to that conclusion yourself. The problem is by that point you may have experienced significant harm.
That harm may then impact on your relationship with others, because your headspace is all filled up with it so it's taking all your energy and time. You yourself are at risk of becoming the needy person who does nothing but complain to their friends about drama in their life and seek support from them for that, when the drama is self inflicted by you continuing to stay in the toxic relationship.
What are you saying to yourself when you accept a "friend" rudely hanging up on you and then coming back at some point without an apology and acting like nothing happened? Or you contacting her and acting like nothing happened. Because I think we all know she's not going to sincerely apologize and never do it again. Why do you think you should tolerate that behaviour from her?
She's already made it clear she's not going to agree to disagree. So if you're not going to agree with her and she's not going to leave the subject alone, then what else is there? Except an ongoing argument between you where both thinks they're right and is resentful at the behaviour of the other. Why do you want to be on the receiving end of her rude behaviour just because she feels justified in dishing it out?

@binkie163 I do have to keep channels open with my sister. We're both part of a large, very successfully blended family after my dads remarriage (we stayed with dad when mum left) and there are expectations, a family WhatsApp group, a family reunion later this year.

Since yesterday I've found out that my mother wasn't as good to my sister as I've thought she was, my mothers OM (who was my dads best friend) is a nasty piece of work and he's been disallowing my sister from visiting. So there's another layer of messiness that I'm just going to keep out of for now.

I'm really tired after little sleep last night, so going to have a good rest tonight and then face tomorrow a little lighter. It's over, nothing to stop it now.

@Dogaredabomb I would of normally said dm is fine and not gone into it but I don't think she is as her curtains are closed all the time at the moment and as it was a neighbour they may notice

It was a bit of a relief and if I bump into anyone else I will tell them

The friend in dm house was originally dsis friend but as we all socialised a lot together and she sometimes takes dm to hospital appointments if dsis is working so I called her a family friend but she will definitely be on dsis side and be believing whatever lies she has said about me as she must of given some explanation as to why we don't see each other anymore hopefully she will eventually find out what dsis has been doing because she is the executor of dsis will

Same with dsis best friend from childhood who is also my dh cousin I told her what she was doing and she has chosen to either not believe me although she knows dsis is crap with money or is turning a blind eye to it all but dsis lies to her about where she gets her money from part of the £10k she took from dm was £4k for a gazebo Dsis originally asked dh to put it up dm didn't recall her card being used in the local garden centre she told dsis if she wanted it and could afford it to get it personally I think they had gone there and dm gave her the bank card to buy coffee as she had done with me when I took her out and dsis used it and bought it. When we had our family discussion dsis had obviously spoken to dm first so dm said she was happy to lend her the money. I have both before and after conversations recorded dsis has the family discussion recorded yet her best friend thinks that she treated herself to the gazebo with the money she was awarded for suing the nhs. She rejected the first settlement offer because she's always got to have an ongoing argument with someone and is always after free money so she never got a penny and probably owes money in solicitors fees. She lies to everyone to maintain the impression she's successful and well off she should be she's single with no dc but she's broke up to her eyes in debt and has been funded by dm all her adult life

Her Dcat was unwell think he had lung cancer right before she was due to go on holiday with my dc as usual she had booked a lavish holiday dm ended up paying for it I was due to look after Dcat and really didn't want to have him put to sleep while she was away she asked me to lend her the money to have him put to sleep told me she had paid the previous vet bills messaged me in work he was suffering etc could I lend her £950 to her account so I transferred her the money to her account as it was easier than me paying the vet directly apparently spoke to dm later that day how sad it was about Dcat turns out dm had paid the vet directly my money was obviously her holiday spending money took me 2 years to get that money back despite numerous holidays new windows don't think she ended up paying for all of them as she kicked off about something i only got it back probably from dm account when she decided to pay over £1k for a ragdoll cat which she told dc about but told them not to tell me and is obviously a priority when you are up to your eyes in debt

@weegiemum I'm so sorry & support your decisions also. None of this is easy & you should never have had to endure this x

Hello all. It's near a big birthday for my mum so the cousins and aunts have been circling and making me feel like shit for not being in touch. I'm feeling the pressure and ready to cave but my own mental health in the bin and I fear as my father long dead that they want me back "in the game" as it were - as someone will have to be "cared" skivvy etc I😞 struggling