February 2025 Well we took you to Stately Homes

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

A new thread indeed!.

It sounds like you have a lot of frustrating / impossible things on your plate atm. I don't think they're things that you can fix right now.

Can you think of anything you enjoy that would cool rather than heat your brain ie swimming / yoga rather than working harder / joining a political party?

I think sharing a child with an abuser is a life sentence that people don’t understand. She has been away a few days and I feel terrible but I felt better. Now she is back and she is literally repeating what her dad says and is basically bullying me. Telling me how my illness isn’t about me it’s about her and all the things I can’t do for her. How much her dad does and now she is here and will just sit on the sofa. It’s not true we do an awful lot, he only has her EOW and a few extras in half term. I feel he is literally using her to bully me and put me down for an illness he caused. She has no empathy for me at all. I’m not sure she should but she says very hurtful things that he’s obviously been talking about.

my phone has updated and somehow the settings have screwed up and changed. Some contacts deleted, block settings cancelled etc.

This happened to me 6 months in to deciding to drop out. When I heard their voice (fake sugary greeting) I automatically made a sort of ‘eugh’ sound and hung up. Yeah they enjoyed telling everyone their brat daughter hung up on them. What was I gonna say ‘hello. Are you sorry yet for the abuse?’ Which cues the next round of having my skin peeled off by them. I was supposed to hit the reset button like I had for decades and go straight to forgetting.

Love to all.

You would reasonable expect ridiculous family carnage would die a death with the death of the Narc Abuser in Chief’s - my toxic mother in law - death last February.

Oh no, of course not.

Recent events include

a deluge of vile texts including lots of tats and cnts to my partner Mr Monkey on Tuesday night, which he woke up to yesterday morning. The texter was his VILE brother, the Hag’s golden child, although he disappeared from her life for seven years, but, of course, rocked up for the touching death bed scenes.

The TWAT is infuriated that the will only mentions Mr Monkey and he got the lot. Not tons of cash, about 15 grand. The Hag’s full on Irish Catholic cost £5k of it. Mr Monkey, of course, organised the funeral and did all the death admin. His disabled brother couldn’t help, and, obviously, the TWAT thinks it’s below his dignity.

The twat has stewed over this for a year.

It would seem after the life of a very rich person he is now on his uppers - this is maybe related to him now being a pariah in his niche industry because people know he ripped off his business partner.

After a trophy wife who, through coercive control, wasn’t allowed to work - she is my gorgeous sister in law and divorced him after YEARS of every kind of abuse - he now has wife number two who is working in a care home.

The years of Porsches, 5 star hotels are over. I’m pretty sure he still buys class A drugs.

The texts threatened violence and/or legal action - he has a restraining order against him from my sister in law - which was horrific.

mr Monkey was devastated and had to take the day off. I’ve steered him away from a phone call (WTAF) or a letter to the twat to explain the legacy. You can’t reason with pure evil.

He has saved the texts and we will go to the police if Twat gets in contact.

The arsehole was furious that we gave our nephews £500 each for their recent birthdays, WTAF. He hasn’t given a penny in child support for the last seven years.

These people are off the scale twats.

rant over.

So sorry to read this Monkey.

i would seriously consider going to the police. He sending those vile texts to Monkey is a crime in its own right. Let them deal with him.

I would also look into obtaining a non moleststion order.

@MonkeyfromManchester I agree with Attila let police handle it. Golden bollocks is Hag mark 2. You do not need years of his bullshit after getting rid of the old bitch.

@AttilaTheMeerkat @binkie163 thank you. ☺️

A very large part of me wants to push it to the police and get a letter.

But I don’t think Mr Monkey could cope with it - mind you, he could delegate the job to me and I would REALLY go to town on it - and we would worry about the games he would play with my learning disabled nephew who Golden Bollocks is currently love bombing through daddy texts and phone calls. The lad won’t him in person, though, which is something.

GB is TOTALLY the Hag’s creation.

The fucking bitch actually said to Mr Monkey when he refused to do something for her that “well, our X would have looked after me properly” ignoring the fact that 1) GB had been gone for seven years without a call or even Xmas, mothers or birthday cards. 2) that Slave Son had given up his life for the witch 3) she’d lived in our house WTAF 4) and how much Mr Monkey was doing for her.

just vile.

@MonkeyfromManchester shame you didn't keep the hags disgustingly filthy armchair of doom for GB as his inheritance!
Please don't let another member of the family hold you both hostage for the next few years, tip toeing around him for fear of what he will do. Let the police deal with him and burst his power play bubble.
If sil has a restraining order surely that extends to nephew? You all need your lives back xx

I don’t mean to be rude but why was GB not the sole beneficiary. Do they do this because they know it will cause drama?

Mr Monkey has already not coped with it (he’s needed time off work ) so getting the police involved now is the course of action I would advise. Sending malicious communications is a criminal offence under the Telecommunications act and they would have a word with Gb.

@binkie163 sadly, I torched the armchair. I liked doing that very much.

I’m not sure about the restraining order, TBH. I think you have to renew them? but I will definitely be telling SIL about this latest shit when she’s got through the tricky week with nephew 2. She will go ballistic and I think this latest shit will be communicated to nephew 1, who’s been love bombed by the twat.

I suppose if you’re a 60 year old unemployed pathetic little man, there’s the time to stir up trouble. He is such a twat.

thanks @AttilaTheMeerkat

I’ve got no intention to get dragged into yet more batshit toxic family politics. I doubt very much that we will hear from the twat as he’ll remember the police involvement from SIL. But even so…

Mr Monkey processes stuff slowly - as a consequence of the abuse - so I wouldn’t be surprised if he decides to go to the police.

That’s great advice about phone harassment.

@Happyfarm oh, The Hag definitely wrote her will to cause maximum strife. GB was out of it once he disappeared. Slave Son, who was her servant since the 80s got NOTHING. She was a piece of work.

Hi everyone! Just checking in at the new thread. Much love to everybody 💐

@MonkeyfromManchester sorry to hear that, I’d get the police involved.

Hi hope everyone is ok. I’m going through a bit of a low patch. Went out yesterday to a cafe in a garden centre came home cried most of the day. It’s the watching people do normal things with family. I’d love to be able to go for a coffee with a sibling or a cup of tea and cake with one of my parents. God I’m starting to cry again just typing it.

my siblings are still NC/LC with me, I’ve heard nothing from any of them this year and it’s over 2years since I was allowed to see any of my nieces or nephews.

my parents are still as difficult as ever. I talk to mum a few times a week on the phone, very hard to deal with. My dad I don’t know where he is even living since he and my step mum split up. I texted him a few weeks ago yet to get a reply.

after everything I went through as a youngster I’m just finding it all too much to cope with. I’m just so alone.

I was being really positive about this year and now I’m struggling with my MH problems again 😭

Update re the forwarder of the neighbours death text from Monster. I said that I was upset that I had asked for no information yet monster had asked for information to be passed on and she had facilitated that rather than my request.

She said she was very sorry and had thought i had more of a relationship with the dead man than I do /did and that I would want to know.

She also said that how could she know that my relationship with the neighbour had been so slight. I said no, you couldn't know, but Monster knows.

Then she said she'll never do it again because she doesn't want to 'get in the middle of our beef with each other'. It's not a beef! I've put myself in witness protection!

I accept that it was a mistake but I think she thinks my rules are tiresome and I'm tiresome. My only request was nothing.

Her husband occasionally does some work for monster and I had previously been on the fence re her surviving the cull.

I'm going to do a slow fade segueing into full block. The only people left from my past now are my kids and friends that monster has never and will never meet.

Also one cousin that just doesn't gossip, ever.

Also I have to admit that I would appreciate news that monster had been shot in the head and that's not healthy.

I mean wanting news isn't healthy. Wanting her to be shot in the head is extremely healthy.

And I absolutely hate myself and want to tear off my own skin for my weakness in letting this incredibly minor thing ruin several days now! I'm furious!

When I moved monster inveigled my new address from me, I hate myself for that. We still had some minor cross over re mum's estate and I felt like i had to comply until it was completed.

The second it was completed i blocked.

But I felt like she'd poisoned my new house and actually considered moving again immediately changing my name to something unsearchable like Julie Smith.

I understand that that is mad, but that's how strongly I feel.

I'm so sorry to drone on about this tiny bullshit. I was feeling so great and I'm so angry and disappointed in myself that this tiny thing has upset my apple cart.

It’s maddening that we can’t seem to get rid of all of this feeling. No matter what I say to myself sometimes it just gets the better of me also. People who’ve had healthy childhoods and healthy relationships are just so very fortunate. I look at them with such envy because it must feel so nice to have never seen the evil we have. I want to be like them and have a normal brain with normal memories and normal reaction to things in life. It’s such a disability having experienced this.

That’s why I got upset. I look around everyone’s doing normal stuff. One lady out with her mum choose a drink sit down drink it then go look at the plants. Quiet calm just pottering around.

Even though my mum still speaks to me that sort of thing doesn’t happen. In the holidays I used to be sent away to stay with other people, we never went clothes shopping or any other mother/daughter things. I was bought clothes from jumble sales too small for me or forced to wear the same clothes forever, I remember once mum picking up all these clothes a neighbour had donated and the mum commenting. She thought they would be for my younger sister who was the same age as her daughter but no they were for me as they were 10p and it didn’t matter if I was a different age/size .

I’ve got a handful of photos from when I was young. A cute bridesmaid dress I wore at 2 to an aunts wedding I’m still wearing at the annual big Christmas family meet up aged 5 and a half. There’s all my cousins in the photo next to me with a nice new outfit on and then there’s me. I remember once asking what party dress I’m supposed to wear to something we’d been told to dress up for and being told to get that out of my wardrobe that counts….I was 10 by then so instead had to wear an old top from a jumble sale as I had nothing to wear. Food was also limited and there were comments about it all the time.

The being sent away is the bit that sticks with me the most as I’ve learnt as an adult it’s not normal…..but I had some wonderful times with aunts, uncles, grandparents or parents friends and these times were the highlight of my childhood. Btw for anyone new to my situation, I’ve not posted for ages, I have had therapy after a hideous breakdown and the therapist brilliantly let me know I was emotionally neglected so finally I started to understand. But I think it was a bit more than just emotional.

We have seen mum over the years obviously as she’s my mum and I love her but my DP , trying to help, pointed out that even when we’ve taken my mum for days out we don’t get to go and sit quietly and have a drink. We tried once in a beautiful city near us and it was a nightmare as she refused to eat a cream tea in any of the places. I’ve been to a weatherspoons once with her about ten years ago but we were meeting my son for lunch and got the train so we had to go somewhere apart from that I can’t think of a time. We aren’t allowed to buy things in the shops etc and mum won’t eat out with us that’s the reality. And I read that back to myself and it’s not surprising that all of that dripped into my mind for 45 years meant I had a breakdown which in turn became agoraphobia.

By the way changing the subject slightly has anyone watched the film the quiet girl? I loved it as I love films with good stories, films and books are my happy place as I can escape, but it really resonates with me all these weeks later. As the little girl was sent away.

Yes it's an extreme feeling, but it is only a feeling. It's just a reaction of the nervous system. And this is something that can be worked on. The nervous system can be retrained. We've had a childhood that has strengthened certain pathways in the brain and central nervous system, the ones that tell you that you need to be constantly on the lookout for danger. It's not our fault. I can see in hindsight that I had very poor mental health as a child, that I was hypervigilant, that I lived in a state of almost constant fight or flight, because my father was very unpredictable and you never knew exactly when he was next going to explode. The only certainty was that he would at some point. I coped with it as best as I could. Because I seemed to be coping, it was easy for the other adults around me to ignore it. I wasn't badly behaved, I was quiet and obedient, I did well at school, I was an expert people pleaser. Mature for my age, as they say, like this is something to be proud of instead of a sign that something is very wrong.

As an adult, it's left me easily activated and prone to anxiety. It's taken a long time to face up to it. I'm working a lot now on trying to retrain my emotional responses - to notice when I've living in the past, which happens a lot, and make a conscious decision not to follow that thought pattern but focus on where I am now (I get flooded with unexpected memories of past situations multiple times a day), relaxation techniques to calm the vagus nerve and the gut so that I'm not so close to overwhelm all the time. It's a work in progress and it's slow going, but it helps me to know that there are ways to make it better so I don't have to live in the past all the time.

@Happyfarm "It’s such a disability having experienced this"

Literally yesterday I had this exactly thought pop into my brain while I was, yet again, shaming myself for not being able to get on with life like "anyone else". And I literally had this come up: "well, you are not like anyone else you compare yourself to: you are emotionally disabled".

I'm sorry, I don't want to offend anyone who suffers from real disability. But my point is that, ethymologically, we indeed suffer from an inability to experience our emotions/cognitions in a healthy/optimal way.

Interesting to see it written here. Thank you for sharing!

I agree re emotionally disabled. And I do wonder if some asd diagnoses are misdiagnosed trauma responses and vice versa.

I basically can't have romantic relationships because I cannot behave in the least bit normally within them. I'm disabled! Apologies for offensiveness.

A friend of mine who, like me, has decided that it's better for her to remain single said that she had decided to give herself a product recall 🤣🤣🤣

Ah bollox, I mek mesen laff anyways 🤣