Scared & alone.

[FlakyExpert]

Posting in sheer desperation. Never thought this would be me. Sat in a car park alone, I've tried the Samaritans a couple of times but they must be overwhelmed.

Massive bust up with husband tonight. He's put a hole in the wall and held a knife to his own throat. Ive run out and driven away in the car shaking.
His mother has messaged me threatening me if anything happens to her son. Said she'd "find me". I've blocked her.

Im paralysed- don't know whether to go back, find a hotel... I tried ringing him once as she scared me but he didn't answer so of course now I'm scared he has done something.Im absolutely desperate, I can't believe this is real life anymore.

@Builderforhire123

I'd put you on the same category as the OP's husband. Gaslighting at its best.

The very fact your reply is about yourself and your own status as a victim speaks volumes.

Perhaps I'm wrong - if so, please do share with us what your wife did to "push you" to such abusive behaviour...

@Builderforhire123 given by your comments on the loveless marriage thread - chances are your wife has never felt quite the same again - sorry but actions have consequences and whilst many will continue with a marriage for all kinds of reasons and it rumbles along - something dies inside when the person you should be closest too acts in a frankly nutty way and puts doubt in their mind- regardless of what lead you to do it .

@Builderforhire123 HE held a knife to his throat for reasons unconnected to the OP. Why is irrelevant. We are in control of our selves or we should be. The why is up to him to deal with.

The reason he held the knife to his throat is because he is abusive and was using threats of suicide to traumatise and control his wife. That’s why. It was a conscious, manipulative, violent CHOICE. He could’ve chose to leave. He could’ve chose to sit down and calmly discuss his feelings. He could’ve chose to end the marriage. Instead he CHOSE a violent, threatening, abusive act to try and control the OP. He chose this because he’s abusive and he thinks he has the right to control the OP. He thinks he has the right to treat her however he sees fit. He thinks it’s acceptable for him to do whatever is required to get the outcome he is looking for. That’s why. He wasn’t driven to it. He wasn’t left with no choice. He wasn’t a poor soul. He chose it. As all abuse men choose it. As you chose it. There’s always other options but an abusive man will always choose the one that creates maximum trauma and control. Always. It’s like they go to the same finishing school.

Honestly, what on earth are you doing on this thread? You could be doing such harm in this scenario, and the fact that you are so blythly dismissing all mention that you were at fault, and are in fact turning it around on your wife...still, is really disturbing.

You don't sound like you have grown, or learnt, at all.

Glad you're safe OP. He's absolutely abusive and huge well done for getting away from him. I'm so sorry that you will lose out financially but hopefully you can build that back up. If you stay now, you'll only lose more in the long run.

There's a chatgpt that helps identify manipulation and gaslighting in conversations and gives help/advice on how to deal with it. I've found it useful to identify patterns and get clarity. You can paste whole conversations in: chatgpt.com/g/g-v9SoCDxCp-brenda-frank-conversation-analysts

No, she doesn't, not in the slightest. All this man has said is "how worthless she made me feel once". Whatever it is she said to him doesn't warrant his abusive action of turning a knife on himself and telling her to push it into him. What the fuck? And then saying "I was young at the time" and that though she probably hasn't forgotten the undoubtedly frightening situation he put her in, hopefully "she reflects back and thinks how I was made to feel". Me, me, me. No.

@TipsyJoker you've hit the nail on the head. Perfect answer.

Builder123, what things could someone say or do that would provide him a solid reason for holding a knife to himself?

I am not a man hater, but I think that anyone threatening suicide because of another person is manipulative. The person may be desperate but you can't force someone to love you or endure your behaviour. That way of thinking is entirely selfish. If your ex treated you badly then they clearly didn't love you and the logical thing to do would be to leave. Why would you want someone to stay with you if they didn't want to? She may have been abusive but again, that's a red flag to get out and run for the hills. It's irrational to think that you can't live without somebody.

@FlakyExpert we don’t all have the same idea of normal as others. We don’t all live in the same reality unfortunately. All we can do is live by the level of normal that we decide and not let other people inflict there’s onto us. My ex thought driving stoned was normal and not a single thing would convince him otherwise. No point in arguing.

Yes, exactly. @Builderforhire123, I've used your own words, and assumed nothing except that there can be nothing that would warrant your reaction to threaten self-harm. Except it wasn't even self-harm, was it, because you tried to incite her to push a knife into your chest.

But since you are on the thread, and your first post was about giving an insight into what the other party might be experiencing to be driven to such an action, why don't you give us an actual insight, instead of vaguely suggesting that your wife was to blame for your actions. I don't believe we are really any wiser after your posts.

@Builderforhire123 I don't disagree and yes I've done some irrational things too - I'm not perfect by a very long way , however I'm afraid that doesn't alter the fact it can change how someone feels deep down. Thems the breaks . My first marriage broke up because of something I did - was I sorry- hugely so , did I learn, absolutely, did it change things- yep it did! That's life, sorry doesn't always make things right. A lot of people do some truly twatty things which over a long period can totally change the dynamics in a couple ( or even a friendship) and then it takes just one nudge for it to be the straw that broke the camels back - the problem is many people think just apologising and saying I was bang out of order fixes things , be it meanness or violence or sexual coercion or whatever- it might fix things in that instant but long term a bit of that 'closeness' kind of dies each time.

As a riposte, that doesn't even make sense in any other context. Nice try though.

Why won't you listen to the many women on here telling you that your input is neither helpful or wanted?

Perhaps as you have not been married long and I assume you can show you funded the property, it may not all go 50:50. Try and see a solicitor. I'm sorry this is happening to you, OP.

Unfortunately those people who are very low in self esteem do go and do very sad things but they often go off and do these things alone. This was a show, a loss of control and a desperate attempt to maintain the control. The other person witnessing this act will be forced to react due to its nature. They are relying on us to fawn, to drop and play dead and to not cause this reaction again. It’s a warning! What we need to do as the OP has done is to run.