Friend pissed off with me as I can’t seem to control my irritation

[Friendproblem123]

Friends for a good few years. Live close by, and we’re in a tight friendship group of 4 as well as a wider group.
friend (let’s call her Jenny), has always been quite an alternative thinker, but has had a successful career which she’s recently retired from.

when I say alternative, examples would be:

vehemently anti vax, especially covid
believes in angels
is doing an online course in vortex healing
gets most of her opinions from Joe Rogan
thinks Trump is not all bad
thinks Elon musk also good

it’s never been too much of a problem, I generally live and let live, and some things are genuinely interesting as alternative viewpoints.

over the last 6 months or so, she’s been pulling me up in groups when I’ve pulled faces, rolled my eyes etc at some of the things she’s come out with, purely accidentally and haven’t even realised I’ve been doing it.

for wxample a few months ago the four of us were talking about trump’s picks for jobs. He’s chosen RFK as health minister and apparently he’s anti vax. I’d never heard of the guy but others were saying he’s a bit of a loon and apparently I rolled my eyes in the convo.

jenny told me off for being disrespectful.

i shrugged it off, put it down to Jenny being a bit unwell and overtired (she’s on a weird health program involving some seriously weird stuff).

few more times this happened, again I’d sort of apologise and try to gloss over it.

we all went away last weekend and it came to a head.

again we were sitting round, Jenny starts saying how amazing vortex healing is, I didn’t realise but she told me off for pulling a face.

mext day we were all having lunch.

jenny is talking about someone else and said “she’s like [friendproblem], she’s uneducated.

i ignored it.

next morning she asks me what the bible means when it says, if thine eye offends thee, pluck it out, and said does it mean if your friend isn’t getting on with you, stop seeing them.

i just said, dunno, maybe google it?

managed to get thru rest of weekend without any more incidents.

sorry this is so long.

my other friends have also remarked on her more extreme views, like taking ivermectin to cure covid etc, but they seem much better at not reacting. They tend to just go silent, change subject or walk away.

if we weren’t all practically next door to each other and very enmeshed it would be easy to just drop and block, but that isn’t really possible.

so my question is, do i:

still see her, entertain all this angel/woo bollocks
ask for a talk to clear the air, with no real expectation that she’ll see my point of view
avoid seeing her at all, which will also affect my friendship with the others.

sorry this is ridiculously long but it’s really affecting me.

Sounds like you are happy to live and let live, she isn't happy unless you pretend to agree with her batcrap crazy views!
I'd suggest a conversation along the lines of ' well we obviously have quite different opinions about politics/religion/crackpot conspiracy theories (delete/add as appropriate!) So let's agree to not discuss politics any more.
And I'd avoid her as much as possible personally

Batcrap crazy views, that’s it exactly!

I wouldn't be friends with someone who rolled their eyes when I spoke.

Freedom of thought is a central tenet of these Joe Rogan types (clearly only when it’s them being free though)
you could remind her of that? Something like - I know we probably disagree on some issues but free speech is important to both of us so let’s try not to censor each other.

then I personally would drop the batshit moron because I can’t abide anti vaxxers and would not willingly spend time with any.

I couldn’t be friends with someone who was spouted the bible at me.

@Applefumble you’re absolutely right, problem is I don’t even realise I’m doing it. Certainly not done on purpose.

i was q hurt about her saying im uneducated.

I can use punctuation and capital letters btw but typing one handed 😂

Why don't you just....not see her? You clearly don't like spending time with her and it's quite cruel to keep socialising with someone you visibly don't like, even if she is batshit.

I know someone with batshit views (info gleaned from the internet) and I just let her rant and don’t comment whilst thinking what a load of crap. You should ignore it.

Sure sounds like you are very rude. I think the bible quote was her telling you if you are so irritated by what she says then just stop listening to her.
Freedom of thought means your friend is free to be as odd as she likes.
It doesn't mean you are free to go around rolling your eyes and being so rude.

Rolling your eyes and pulling faces deliberately is rude. But the OP said she isn't. Unfortunately for some of us our faces have subtitles.......

Eye rolling and face pulling is passive aggressive.

How about having a cards-on-the-table conversation with her? Something along the lines of “I realise that my reactions are childish but I can’t just sit and listen to some of the things you say that I disagree so strongly with. Would you prefer me to get into a discussion about it, with the risk that we’ll spend a lot of time arguing, or could we just agree not to talk about controversial topics when we’re together?”

If that doesn’t help, practise your blank face in the mirror 😀

Thanks all.

never heard the phrase a face with subtitles, but yes. That’s it exactly.

luckily we aren’t all due to get together again for a couple of weeks so I’ll take your dvi e on board to practice my poker face, and avoid any 1 to 1 time

i would also pull someone up who eye rolled every time I spoke.

Obviously it’s not every time. It’s when, for example, she says stuff like her angel spirit told her to go on an ayawaska trip to heal her gall stones.

You've been friends for a good few years so what has changed? Why has it all suddenly come to a head?

Bit tricky if you have a face that involuntarily displays your feelings.

She is being rude too though saying you're uneducated.

Personally I'd stop spending time with her I think but I realise that's tricky when you all tend to socialise as a group.

YABU for being rude and as an adult you should be able to control your facial expressions. You'd have to in work. I think the best thing ad others have said is to agree with her to leave the controversial topics at home for the sake of the rest of the group who are probably feeling awkward as anything with your expressions and your friend's pass agg comments about you being uneducated.

I feel for you OP, but I'm afraid it made me think of this glorious sketch!

That just her and what she believes. Does it really matter or affect you in anyway? The rest of the group just nod and agree just do the same. Or you’d risk loosing the friendship.
however I’d she is being patronising of your views and vocally disagreeing then maybe have a quiet word that you just agree to disagree on things and it needn’t affect the friendship nor
the group dynamic.

Oh dear........ 😆.
Honestly though, it would probably be better to actually respond politely/question the things you disagree with than all sit around trying desperately to keep a straight face so she doesht get offended. And if she isn't prepared to hear people disagree with her then she should stop expressing controversial views in a group get together. She is entitled to be treated politely, she isn't entitled to have everyone around her pretend she isn't spouting bollocks.

I would hope my closest friends would roll their eyes and challenge me if I started having lots of wacky opinions. If you can’t trust your friends to keep you grounded …

So it’s every time she expresses her “alternative “views? Same thing in that case. You are being passive aggressive. You are not “living and letting live” as you are, by your actions, challenging what she says.

if you want to truly live and let live, let her get on with it without being an arse, or stop seeing her.

"You must not roll ze eyes ja?" 🤣🤣