I have a pretty much zero tolerance on lying.
It's from a combination of childhood trauma and previously being married to a pathological liar who lied about absolutely everything due to being brought up by alcoholic parents.
I'm really sensitive to it and once I've discovered someone is lying to me, it rewrites the whole relationship in my head.
Eg tell me I look nice if you think I do but don't tell I'm beautiful because I'm not. If I ask for your opinion on something, it's because I actually want your opinion/perspective and not because I want you to flatter me by blowing smoke up my arse or to say what you think i want to hear.
I think this situation saying to sound pretty inconsequential to some but I hope people will respond given the whole context.
I think I have examples of my partner telling very small, inconsequential, pointless little lies in our relationship. But it makes me question the whole thing because, well, if someone lies, then they lie.
Eg. My partner gets up for work at 6.15am and leaves at 6.30am. I don't need to get up until 7. Sometimes, I wake up when his alarm goes off and sometimes I sleep straight through and sometimes I'm roused enough to he aware but I'm still not fully conscious and appear asleep to him.
He'll say things to me like, "You were still fast asleep when I left this morning. You didn't even stir when I kissed you and told you I love you." It's comment worthy because my sleep isn't every good generally and I can often be awake for good parts of the night so he's really commenting on that and saying I appear to have slept well.
But. Some of the times he's said this, I've been aware/conscious of him leaving but I know he hasn't kissed me or said anything. (Sometimes he does.)
It's like a weevil now burying into my thoughts. For example, when he tells me he's doing overtime on a Saturday morning, I feel I can't take it at face value. Sometimes, he'll come back and talk about it and, on those occasions, I know it's genuine. But sometimes he'll say nothing at all. No complaint about it, or comment on who was in and, if I ask how it went, he'll just say, "It was work." But he rarely has nothing to say about work so it makes me wonder.
Eg I know others won't agree with this but for my own personal reasons, I don't watch films with sex or unnecessary female nudity in. He knows this and he knows my reasons why. He will spend ages painstakingly choosing a film for us to watch together and checking the content before we watch something together. He has never made me feel in the wrong for this or complained.
I've also never cocommented on anything he chooses to watch without me. Sometimes (around once a week or so) I go to bed early to read so that he can watch something of his own choice where he doesn't have to be quite so vigilant.
The issue is that he has also volunteered that he doesn't like it either. He says he doesn't watch films with sex scenes (doesn't like it apparently) and he doesn't like gratuitous female nudity either. He parrots my sentiments and agrees with me wholeheartedly. I've never asked him to. I've told him my perspective but never questioned his or challenged him. Just explained so that he knows and understands. But I know I'm quite unusual in that respect.
But I can see from his 'continue watching' or series he has seen or conversations he has with others about films they've watched that he is absolutely watching stuff with (sometimes) lots of sex and nudity in it. So why the lie?
It just makes me question everything he says mentally.
I'm not really bothered if he kisses me and says he loves me before he goes to work if I'm still alseep and I'm not particularly bothered what he watches without me. But the fact he lies about these things makes me wonder what other more consequential lies there are that I'm unaware of. Like when he says he fancies me or I look nice or he loves me are those lies too? It's creating a general feeling of mistrust for me that I don't like.
Is lying like this normal in a relationship? Would you be bothered?