Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Walking with another Woman

90 replies

AmeeLou · 27/01/2025 16:25

Last year, I went hiking for the 1st time with my Husband and 2 friends. We decided to climb this massive hill, which seemed like a good idea at the time but ended up not being very fun.

It ended up being my Husband and 1 of my friends walking up together the whole way, and Me and my other friend together. They seemed to be chatting away the whole time, laughing and having quite deep conversations by the look of things.

I asked him what they were talking about when we got home and he was very vague. He also said he’d only walked up with her cuz she was at his level ( fitness wise ).

I didn’t really like him ignoring me for about an hour, not even asking if I was ok at any point. I suffer from asthma so I’m not the fastest at walking.

Anyway, 1 of my friends has suggested we do the same thing again, this time including 1 of her friends instead of the friend he walked up with last time as she is busy. I don’t know this woman so I looked her up and she’s very attractive, my husbands type if I had to say.

I’m just thinking it’s going to be the same again, but this time with a different Woman.

Does anyone else think it’s really disrespectful not to walk with me? I’m not saying to be joined at the hip and hold hands, but at some points they were so far ahead we couldn’t even see them.

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 27/01/2025 16:30

Unless walking is a euphemism for sex I wouldn't be too worried.

Janelle84 · 27/01/2025 16:30

Is your relationship ok? Is he known for cheating or do you have any reason to think this?

BIWI · 27/01/2025 16:31

You are being very unreasonable! (I know this isn't posted in AIBU). There's something seriously wrong if you can't allow your husband to walk with another woman - whether in or out of sight.

Have you always suffered from jealousy like this? It's a bit excessive.

Original poster
AmeeLou · 27/01/2025 16:33

Janelle84 · 27/01/2025 16:30

Is your relationship ok? Is he known for cheating or do you have any reason to think this?

He hasn’t cheated before. He’s very friendly / chatty with other women though. Sometimes I feel he gets close to crossing the line with how well he gets on with them. He says I’m just being paranoid and he chats to women just like he would if they were a guy.

OP posts:
DaftyLass · 27/01/2025 16:33

I think the hike isn't the issue
Are there other things going on that is contributing to your worries?

Petrie99 · 27/01/2025 16:34

This wouldn't bother me at all as long as I wasn't walking by myself with no one to chat to. I'd not want to hold him back if he's fitter and would be more challenged by walking at faster pace. Having said that, I'd feel a bit more left out if it was someone I didn't know and he didn't at least slow for me to check in perhaps once on the way. Wouldn't find it disrespectful though

PauliesWalnuts · 27/01/2025 16:36

As a single hiker, if every woman took the same attitude as you I’d never speak to a person of the opposite sex ever again. I think you are being paranoid and jealous. What makes you think they’d be up for it even if he was?! FYI Not every woman in the world will think that your husband is the sexiest man alive…

Twoshoesnewshoes · 27/01/2025 16:38

Nope, me and DP walk with others a lot and this often happens (though it’s him at the back haha).
I’ll often go for a walk just a male friend and me.
DO goes to the cinema with his female friend.
all good.

EvieMcSpeedy · 27/01/2025 16:39

AmeeLou · 27/01/2025 16:33

He hasn’t cheated before. He’s very friendly / chatty with other women though. Sometimes I feel he gets close to crossing the line with how well he gets on with them. He says I’m just being paranoid and he chats to women just like he would if they were a guy.

Show quote history

Is he "very friendly / chatty with other women" only, or is he like this with both men and women? If it's the latter I think you are over reacting

DeepFatFried · 27/01/2025 16:39

When we walk in a group there is a big spread between those at the front and the huffers and puffers at the back . It means everyone can walk at their own pace and not worry about holding others back. It’s also awkward walking more slowly than your natural rhythm.

You were with a friend, not alone. Presumably within yelling distance. With phones. Truly, in the absence of any previous cheating you sound jealous and needy.

Looking up the other friend in advance to see if she is attractive is batshit.

Mischance · 27/01/2025 16:42

I think you are being over-concerned about this. It makes sense that your OH should walk with someone of similar fitness .... he did not leave you walking alone. And it is entirely reasonable that he should talk with her as they walk.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 27/01/2025 16:42

In the absence of other info, this seems like a massive overreaction OP. Me and DP will regularly go out with friends and barely speak to each other, because we spend our entire lives talking to each other and its nice to catch up with other people. Doesn't mean we're ignoring each other.

Original poster
AmeeLou · 27/01/2025 16:44

In the past he’s made comments about my friends. Either telling me certain friends were attractive, telling me which 1s he thinks would be ‘easy to pull’ and other comments. It’s made me paranoid about what he thinks about all women now. Before I wouldn’t even blink an eyelid if he was chatting to another woman. Maybe I am still going over the top though,

OP posts:
Chuchoter · 27/01/2025 16:44

He's in front of you walking up a hill!

It's nice to have conversations with new people and having to walk with someone who isn't quite as fit as you are is not always enjoyable!

So what if she's attractive?

Would it be ok if she was fat and ugly?

Work in your insecurity.

Chuchoter · 27/01/2025 16:45

On not in ^

Secondstart1001 · 27/01/2025 16:46

If you are feeling how you are feeling, I think the other lady shouldn’t come as you are not going yo enjoy yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong in others eyes, it’s about how you think and feel. I’m not from the cool wives club I’m affraid, I wouldn’t put myself in that situation.

LilacRaven · 27/01/2025 16:46

Unless there is more to this you are being unreasonable. I also think it's odd your inviting your husband along. Can't you hike with your friends and he do his own thing?

You can hike together separate and chat all you want.

Bey · 27/01/2025 16:47

It wouldn't bother me at all we do a lot of hiking with friends of both sex, sometimes we walk together sometimes him with female friends sometimes me with male friends and vice versa. I think you have self esteem/ confidence issues if this bothers you and you need to work on yourself. Usually jealousy tells us something so for example I remember feeling jealous over my husband being friends with a woman at work who was really fit into the same sport as my husband when I thought about it it was because I was feeling unfit and I'd like to be fit so used it as motivation to start working out.

maybe you feel that way because you struggled with the hike and you could use it to motivate you to get fitter. It's hard with asthma I'm also asthmatic but if you build up slowly it's actually really good for asthma.

not wanting your husband to talk to other women is like capturing a beautiful bird and keeping it locked away so no one else can look at it.

Original poster
AmeeLou · 27/01/2025 16:48

LilacRaven · 27/01/2025 16:46

Unless there is more to this you are being unreasonable. I also think it's odd your inviting your husband along. Can't you hike with your friends and he do his own thing?

You can hike together separate and chat all you want.

My friend invited him. She made a group chat and straight away he said he’d like to come along. It mite seem a bit strange if I tell him we don’t want him to come along anymore.

OP posts:
category12 · 27/01/2025 16:51

AmeeLou · 27/01/2025 16:44

In the past he’s made comments about my friends. Either telling me certain friends were attractive, telling me which 1s he thinks would be ‘easy to pull’ and other comments. It’s made me paranoid about what he thinks about all women now. Before I wouldn’t even blink an eyelid if he was chatting to another woman. Maybe I am still going over the top though,

He sounds like a dick.

Maybe he likes you being insecure.

The way to deal with this is not to police him and try to keep him on a leash beside you, though. If he's after other women, he'll do it whatever. Being all possessive and vigilant will just damage your own mental health and will fail to stop him cheating if he wants to.

Don't drive yourself crazy. If you don't trust him, ditch him.

Terrribletwos · 27/01/2025 16:53

AmeeLou · 27/01/2025 16:44

In the past he’s made comments about my friends. Either telling me certain friends were attractive, telling me which 1s he thinks would be ‘easy to pull’ and other comments. It’s made me paranoid about what he thinks about all women now. Before I wouldn’t even blink an eyelid if he was chatting to another woman. Maybe I am still going over the top though,

I would have said you're being unreasonable for thinking he can't walk with others, male or female, but you say he makes comments about these women. The comments about "pulling" are highly suspicious and disrespectful. That, to me , is disrespectful and is fueling your feelings. Why does he do that? It seems very odd for a partner to make these comments.

Secondstart1001 · 27/01/2025 16:54

His comments about your friends are out of order, no wonder you feel the way you do!
Why did your friend take the liberty of adding your H to the group without running it by you?

ginasevern · 27/01/2025 16:56

"In the past he’s made comments about my friends. Either telling me certain friends were attractive, telling me which 1s he thinks would be ‘easy to pull’ and other comments."

"Which ones would be easy to pull". What a lovely turn of phrase. In that case he sounds like a conceited misogynistic prick and I'd tell him to keep walking - literally.

category12 · 27/01/2025 17:00

AmeeLou · 27/01/2025 16:48

My friend invited him. She made a group chat and straight away he said he’d like to come along. It mite seem a bit strange if I tell him we don’t want him to come along anymore.

Show quote history

I don't think it's that hard actually. If it's all women except for him, just say "I just wanna hang out with the girls this time, why don't you and your mates Bob and Phil arrange something for that day?"

LilacRaven · 27/01/2025 17:01

Ah ok I get you. I'm guessing she invited everyone's partners but only yours could go?

Bases on your updates about his comments about your friends i can see why your paranoid.

Swipe left for the next trending thread