Walking with another Woman

[AmeeLou]

Last year, I went hiking for the 1st time with my Husband and 2 friends. We decided to climb this massive hill, which seemed like a good idea at the time but ended up not being very fun.

It ended up being my Husband and 1 of my friends walking up together the whole way, and Me and my other friend together. They seemed to be chatting away the whole time, laughing and having quite deep conversations by the look of things.

I asked him what they were talking about when we got home and he was very vague. He also said he’d only walked up with her cuz she was at his level ( fitness wise ).

I didn’t really like him ignoring me for about an hour, not even asking if I was ok at any point. I suffer from asthma so I’m not the fastest at walking.

Anyway, 1 of my friends has suggested we do the same thing again, this time including 1 of her friends instead of the friend he walked up with last time as she is busy. I don’t know this woman so I looked her up and she’s very attractive, my husbands type if I had to say.

I’m just thinking it’s going to be the same again, but this time with a different Woman.

Does anyone else think it’s really disrespectful not to walk with me? I’m not saying to be joined at the hip and hold hands, but at some points they were so far ahead we couldn’t even see them.

I think , given what you say in your updates about your DH and his eye for other women, then I can totally understand why his behaviour on the walk upset you.
How do you respond when he makes the comments to you about your friends and other women?
He sounds so disrespectful of you.

I tell him I don’t want to know and to keep things to himself. He just says he’s being honest and is saying what all the other boyfriends / husbands think.

Hey sounds like a creep .!!

I came here to say I would tell him i didn’t enjoy the last hike with him there , so you are going with your girlfriends alone this time. .

That makes it worse
So he and the other boyfriends and husbands sit around discussing how attractive the women are? That's bad enough. But him thinking it's ok to tell you is actually gross.
Have you been together a long time? He sounds like a teenager.

Honestly I would not be with this man!
If a man in my life said those things and made me feel that way he would be gone.
He is out and out dis respecting you . Tell your friends to take your dh off the group chat.
Tell Him to go get his own life.
tbh I’d off for good getting my own .

I’m not sure if he meant they discuss it, or if he just thinks the other guys would find the same women attractive as he does. Either way it’s not something I want to hear regardless.

Yeah I bet he does. It’s bullshit op. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently. It might not be crossing a line for everyone but it’s disrespectful to the level he’s taking it to and then gaslighting you about it.

There's nothing worse than having to hold a slow pace up a hill, let him enjoy it! I think you're only bothered because he was talking to a female, is that right?

My dp is more than a foot taller than me. If we're going for a stroll he keeps my pace, and of course if we're going anywhere dangerous or with poor visibility. But a walk like the one you described it would be too tiring for me to speed you or him to slow down, so he waits for me at the top.

How would he feel if you told him which of your male friends/acquaintances you found attractive and which of them would be easy to pull? Have you asked?

With your updates, it’s clear that the issue isn’t other women and their attractiveness. It’s that your husband is a disrespectful creep.

I’m also a bit baffled that you find him walking ahead to be disrespectful, but not him telling you this sort of stuff about your friends!

OK, that’s quite a drip feed ,OP, and explains why you might well wonder whether he is trying to find out how easy people might be to ‘pull’.

I would be very unimpressed with his talking about women like that, and talking to me like that.

He's a disgusting creep OP and other women's boyfriends and husband do not talk about their wives friend like that.

If you don't have kids with this wanker, please dump him. A relationship is meant to make you feel loved and secure. And that certainly isn't how he's making you feel.

He's doing on purpose OP, pushing your boundaries. He sounds vile.

Why would they even invite him there's nothing more awkward than one fella on a girls day out / hiking day out ! 6 of us girls are going on one on Sunday I wouldn't bring my fella lol

Wow that's horrible why would he comment on your mates

My DH is a hillwalker and I'm not although I have been a couple of times. In my experience you tend to pair up with the person/people who walk at your speed.

Would you have felt the same if it were with a man? I think it’s pretty rude regardless.

You need to have an open conversation with him and make it clear his attitude and disrespectful remarks (disrespectful to you and your friends) are not acceptable. Don’t let him belittle and dismiss what you’re saying and feeling.

If he doesn’t hear you then yes go on the walk. And keep walking.

Yes, that’s fairly grotesque. Without that context, though, perfectly normal to walk at the pace of someone who suits you/your fitness level. It’s absolutely exhausting to walk at a slower pace that your natural one.

YANBU

Im going to go against the grain.

I think he was a bit rude and ignorant to totally ignore you, particularly as you’ve got asthma.

What about her that makes her easy to pull according to your fella? She smiles too much? Unattractive?

Your husband likes to flirt and escape you, pretending to be in the early stages of something with someone new energizes him. He didn't even check on your asthmatic first time hiking self. Men walk slower and match the speed, so attentive and caring when they fancy a woman. The other woman's attention and validation was too enjoyable for him to interrupt. Start working on your appearance and finances because your husband isn't valuing you and you need options to be ready to jump ship.

So there is nothing wrong with talking and walking with opposite sex but the problem is ignoring your spouse and walking ahead of them. All the jezebels and cool girls gaslighting you into thinking you're the problem with your insecurity 😂 i bet they are childfree and young too. Because this is the immature view some 'feminist' young women have before knowing life and men better.

I wouldn't say anything and then when you are about to set off for the walk/hike, say quietly just to him, and say seriously... ' please don't leave me behind this time'. Just a little reminder does't go amiss. some might say that's a bit controlling but if you do have asthma, you dont want him to not even notice if you're having an attack.

OP, you ar e paranoid, but it´s of his doing. He is triangulating you and [insert random woman] and then gaslighting you about it. He can keep his honesty to himself. It is true that when we are with someone it doesn´t mean by any stretch of the imagination that we cease to find others attractive, simply that we don´t act on it. Walking up a hill talking to someone is neither here nor there. The other comments are making you insecure and they need to stop, but don´t try to control him via your social life, it won´t work.

She shouldn't have to remind him. Men do this when they think a better offer has come along. If another attractive woman will have him he will leave which is why I recommend she levels up herself, the man already sees her as less than.