Walking with another Woman

[AmeeLou]

Last year, I went hiking for the 1st time with my Husband and 2 friends. We decided to climb this massive hill, which seemed like a good idea at the time but ended up not being very fun.

It ended up being my Husband and 1 of my friends walking up together the whole way, and Me and my other friend together. They seemed to be chatting away the whole time, laughing and having quite deep conversations by the look of things.

I asked him what they were talking about when we got home and he was very vague. He also said he’d only walked up with her cuz she was at his level ( fitness wise ).

I didn’t really like him ignoring me for about an hour, not even asking if I was ok at any point. I suffer from asthma so I’m not the fastest at walking.

Anyway, 1 of my friends has suggested we do the same thing again, this time including 1 of her friends instead of the friend he walked up with last time as she is busy. I don’t know this woman so I looked her up and she’s very attractive, my husbands type if I had to say.

I’m just thinking it’s going to be the same again, but this time with a different Woman.

Does anyone else think it’s really disrespectful not to walk with me? I’m not saying to be joined at the hip and hold hands, but at some points they were so far ahead we couldn’t even see them.

He did this precisely once. Walking up one hill, which took about one hour, a year ago. No indication of any contact between the OP’s husband with her, before or since.

A friend has proposed another hill walk, a year on. The same woman the OP’s husband walked with last time isn’t invited. A completely different woman is. The OP is paranoid enough to have looked her up to check on her attractiveness level and has decided that she’s her DH’s ‘type’.

This is because her DH is a sleazy prick who regularly talk about their female friends in terms of their attractiveness and how easy they’d be to ‘pull’, not because he once went ahead with a woman climbing a hill.

This is your fault op for dripfeeding most people will just skim read the initial post and comment saying you're paranoid based on it when you hadn't given the fuller picture. I've been around long enough to see what your husband is doing from the op but the new generation MNers are so green and wide eyed they're gaslighing you.

So glad you added this, although it might have been better in your OP then you wouldn't have got so many bitchy comments. Some posters love to put the boot in.
Tbh, your dh sounds a bit of a twat and not very respectful of women if he rates thenm on levels of available to shag. I wonder if any of these women knows he thinks about that way?
It's a bit like saying "She would say yes, no problem, bit of a slag"

I can see nothing in the slightest to be concerned about.
Dh is chatty and gregarious. He will talk to anyone, including attractive women!

Agree with this.

I think you’re being judged unfairly on this thread. I get where you’re coming from. Any relationship issues aside, it’s drives me mad when I’m out walking with friends / family and my DH walks off and leaves us. I always end up at the back with the slow coach kids who are moaning their ‘legs hurt’ (they don’t they’re just bored). It’s happened loads of times and I always think what if something happened to us, ie what if one of the kids fell over and reallllly hurt themselves, what if one of them ran off, etc.. he’s just walked off and not even looked back. He did it once when we were walking back from a beach in Cornwall, we’d parked miles away and I didn’t know my way around. He marched off leaving me with all 3 kids on a road with no pavement. I was furious. No phone signal and no idea which way to go. Ended up sitting at a bus stop and figured he’d realised we were missing eventually!!

But anyway, sounds like you’ve got some other issues in your relationship that are causing you to worry x

I was going to say you're paranoid and insecure but after your update I can see why. It's no way to live. He clearly wants you to feel paranoid - if he really cared about you he'd be reassuring you.

My ex used to say similar things - and with him, I was a paranoid insecure idiot.

Now I'm in a relationship with someone who reassures me and actually cares how I feel, and because he's made me feel secure, I trust him completely - turns out I'm not actually a jealous person. It was my ex that made me so. I'm completely happy for my current partner to hang out with other women.

It's him, not you.

This happens all the time if I walk with my husband and a group of friends, and he also goes on walks with just one female friend sometimes. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. He is fitter and faster than me (and realistically I'm never going to be that fit or fast again now as I have various niggly injuries that slow me down), and I would infinitely rather he walked with a female friend who is the right speed for him than walked with me and made me feel like I had to hurry up all the time. (He wouldn't do that consciously, but I'd know.) I don't see walking with someone as proof that they fancy each other or worse, why would it?

You’re really overreacting, and being very controlling.

Nope me and DP walk with other people a lot - he's faster and fitter than I am so I walk/jog with people who are at my pace he does the same with people at his pace. On the occasions that there's just us we try to balance it out by walking at his pace in short bursts so I can try to keep up then he'll slow down to my pace for a bit.

I think you’re being unreasonable to mind. My husband cycles and runs with a woman friend and generally enjoys female company. I really don’t mind, and I think it’s a positive thing.

Having said that, he’s clearly undermined your confidence with his comments.

You sound very insecure and he sounds like a massive dick.
Dick behaviour and insecurities aside, this is what happens in hikes. You cannot expect everyone to walk at the same speed. People walk at their own speed and chat to those who are walking at the same-ish speed. You’re an adult so there is no need for him to check if you are ok during the hike. I wouldn’t expect more than a “you ok?!” and a small hug at the resting spot.
You need to work on your insecurities and be very clear that you don’t appreciate his comments about your friends. Probably time to reconsider whether you want to be with such a massive dick.

You need to have a word with yourself. Your husband is allowed to talk to other people. Nothing you have said indicates anything more than your own insecurities. Preempting his imaginary attraction to a friend of a friend is not fair either.

This probably doesn't paint my husband in the best light, but honestly if we go up a mountain etc together there are times when I can't see him - and there's only the two of us! He's just got a really fast stride and seems genuinely incapable of slowing down. He'll wait for me at tricky bits and at the top, and we will have lunch/snacks etc together, but if I'm going much too slowly for him then he'll just go ahead. I'm fine with it and happy to go at my slower pace and enjoy the views a bit more, but if I didn't feel like doing that I would just say no sorry, you go alone this time. So I don't see the problem with your situation unless there are underlying issues? If you'd rather not walk with a friend then I would just decline xx

I think this is very normal. I’m a slower walker than my husband (and children), especially when going uphill. I know going uphill is easiest when you can just chug on at your own speed so I never expect anyone to slow down for me. I just want everyone to go at their preferred pace and then we’ll meet at bends or rest spots.