Converted to Islam for him, then we split. Feeling lost and alone.

[augustblooms]

No idea what I'm expecting here in terms of advice tbh.
I was involved with a man who I regarded as my soulmate, things were looking serious. We talked about marriage and the future.
He was from a Muslim background in the Middle East. I'd always been interested in his religion (Islam) and had been studying it. After a couple of years with him, I took the step of converting. Everyone in my family and friends were supportive as they knew it was my choice. There was never any pressure from him.
After converting, we scaled back on the physical side of things and both said it would be best to get married. I was all for this, loved him to bits and wanted my life with him and believed he felt the time.
Unfortunately, his parents back home in his native country had other ideas and wanted an arranged marriage to someone of their choice... After months of trying to make them see reason, he wasn't strong enough to stand by me. So I ended our relationship as I could see it was going to end in tears.
I feel so alone in Islam now. I live in a small semi rural area with no mosque, no community to speak of and I've been shying away from wanting to move on. I feel at a crossroads. There's no chance of meeting a Muslim man here. I feel so lost without him, although I feel ending it with him was the right thing to do as he'd never go against his parents' wishes. Even though he was almost 30 and well-educated.

While not attempting to refute all of your positive message, and acknowledging that if people have a support network or a deep faith that people can emerge from a difficult time, please think and stress-test your affirmation ‘we are never given more than we can bear’.
Over the world, and throughout time this has been proved to be false for some unfortunate people.
Positive good wishes from friends and family, and actively seeking help, and time to recover change the landscape of someone’s life. Not that throw away line.

Well we will have to disagree. But I do not see anything helpful for the OP coming from here. She has not said once that she wants to renounce Islam. She has said she is lonely because there are no other Muslims around. Whatever she decides about anything, I don't think the posts here are helpful in the least.

@dottypencilcase Is there a word for when a (presume from username) woman mansplains Islam to a Muslim?

I wouldn't ever support rudeness but sometimes people do need to have what they actually said fed back to them because somehow they can't hear themselves. Its not up to me or to anyone to tell the OP what they should do but I do think it would be worth her while to actually think about where she is in her spiritual life and whether she did actually choose to be there completely of her own accord.

I think it would be an issue for OP. She will want someone who understands and gets that side of her. Someone non-religious is unlikely to.

You're talking bollocks, quite frankly.

Some CULTURES treat women very poorly. But this does not apply to all Muslim cultures, as the beliefs & values of certain other religious communities are not shared by others under the same faith umbrella.

That said, it is not unusual for Muslim men in certain cultures to accede to family pressure & marry accordingly.
But again this is not unusual in intercultural relationships generally either. Some people cannot resist the family pressures - is not always men, applies to women to!

The question here, is whether the OP wishes to remain a Muslim - in which case several PPs have kindly suggested routes/ideas.

But if they main reason to convert was for the relationship, then a reappraisal would be wise.

Good luck OP - I hope that future relationships work out better for you.

We were all born to be Muslim never heard that one before. What nonsense. In any case I don't think Muslims try and convert folk. The ones I've known are very respectful of other people's religion. .

Individual Muslims might not, but Islam is a proselytising religion, like Christianity. For many religious people, if you don't follow that religion you aren't going to heaven so trying to convert others would be seen as a kindness to them.

I can guarantee, with my past that I have a much deeper knowledge of Islam than you do. I married into a Muslim family for most of my youth, read the Quran and hadiths, and understand that Islam is as much a political ideology as it is a religion. Hence the boast in Islam that it covers all areas of life, therefore marriage rules and rites are an integral part of that, as well as the view of women. A man may marry up to 4 women, the witness of a man is worth double the witness of a woman. Islam operates on the idea of a theocracy, and therefore culture stands apart from Islam, but has shaped an influenced it, and Islam stands higher in families that revere it. In the case of my ex, when he was just a boy, the furthering of Islam in western countries was huge, and wives coming over from Muslim countries to marry English boys of Pakistani (or other) descent was a part of that, and money is paid, and bartering does go on. You may not agree, but shouldn’t call something bollocks that you don’t understand.

@Letstheriveranswer yeah, if that's the case then fair enough. Just date other Muslims. I just wasn't sure if she felt she converted for her previous partner and maybe is questioning if she wants to be so devout, now that she's single?

I don't even have anyone to do Ramadan with, or even talk about the religion.

This is ridiculous. And I say this as someone who is Jewish and for various reasons, have had to observe many Jewish festivals and Holy days by myself at home. There will also be vast online communities for you, some that will probably be close to home for you.

You should never convert/change your religion for anyone other than yourself. Given much of what you have written, including the part I put in bold, I don't think you converted for pure reasons.

Also, soulmate? Seriously? For this alone I think you'd do well to get some counselling.

Well you probably need to reflect on why you changed your whole way of life & belief system for a man. How was your self esteem & sense of self before you met him? I’d bet they were poor.

I’d work on these aspects of yourself & think about who you really are, not what a man wants you to be.

Are you in the UK?

Many women who claim to have been interested in Islam before the man came along, just don't want to admit that they converted (pretended to believe in a religion) for the sake of pleasing a man.
With that said, it's often the case that when the man disappears, the women drop the religion not long after. Some later than others for various reasons.
Those women who were already Muslim before any man appeared on the scene, are a different matter of course.

there is actually a word for the concept, its called "Dawah" Not all Muslims are evangelical just like not all christians are.

I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. I think it’s very common and has been happening for a long time.

When I was young I had a relationship with a man that ended when he went back to his country to get married —needless to say I only found this out from one of his friends. The friend came on to me although he was living with another woman I knew.

It happened to a lot of other women I knew in that circle. Many of the English or Irish women thought they were engaged to the men. But we were their bit of fun before the serious job of marriage to someone their family had connections with.

Whoops! 😹

Wrong thread?

You envisaged a future with him and within his community, that's been taken away and you need to grieve the vision you once had of the future.

You can decide what kind of Muslim you want to be, or if you want to be one at all. You can follow the principles without having to follow it to the letter. No one is going to come and arrest you for it.

You do need to decide if it's important for you to find a Muslim partner, if they should be from a particular type of Islam or region. In your shoes I'd move to a city and find a liberal, educated lapsed sort of Muslim who wants to follow teachings but isn't over the top.

You converted to a religion for a man. Presumably therefore there was no huge religious calling or epiphany, you did it to please a man. So would you ‘convert back’?

First I'm not 100% you should have broken up with him unless he's made it clear he wasn't proposing.
Second have your. Tried Muslim dating apps?

Sorry to hear the relationship didn't work out, it sounds very upsetting, and no wonder you feel lost. I'm a revert too, and feel I really benefited from being Muslim but single for 6 years before meeting my husband. It really helped me feel secure in my own faith. Maybe this is a time for you to take time to develop yourself and your own faith. There are lots of online courses available, seeker's hub is very good. Is there a town/city not too far away where you might be able to connect with other Muslims?

This happened to so many young women that I knew. They'd be engaged to a Muslim North African, South Asian guy, he'll drink alcohol, go clubbing, live with these women throughout early mid, late twenties and boom nice he reaches 30 he either breaks up with the girlfriend or it turns out that their engagement wasn't approved by his parents back home and off he went to India, Pakistan, Egypt etc to get married. The women were heartbroken especially the ones that they broke up and three months later she hears he's married.
I always never introduced any of my friends to guys that their families (parents) are not in Ireland. At least with family here you can gauge their approval or disapproval and it is easier to win them over as they get to know you. But with parents abroad, one becomes tarred with the "loose" western woman brush that it is ok for their sons to have a fling with but not bring home.

I also agree with the poster that said to use "convert" instead of "revert" as I find the word quite insulting.

Well said, Islam covers a geographic spread from West Africa to China. That's a lot of different cultures and traditions.

Salaam sister
you can message me if you like, I’m in a similar situation as you at the moment & would absolutely love to chat with you re Ramadan - I’m in a predominantly white/Christian area as a revert and it can get extremelyyyy lonely!