Partner walked out

[Niamh84]

My partner walked out on me and our 12 month old. He has blocked my number, I can’t make contact. I have no idea what his plans are, we were messaging initially, where amongst lots of things he told me I’m a fat, lazy c**t and he hates having to pretend to love me. I work 40 hours per week and I’m the main financial provider as well as I do 90% of daycare drop off, laundry, cooking and cleaning. So how he thinks I’m lazy I don’t know. He also said I am too slow to lose the baby weight, I have gone up about 10/12lbs, so I’m not exactly huge, I do have a very wobbly belly but he told me previously he loved it as it carried out precious child. Before blocking me he advise if I hassle him for maintenance or to look after the child, he would have to get a barring order against me. He also said he’s online dating now and hopefully meet someone less evil than me. I had PPDPPA, but I’m actually really well in recent months. I know it was difficult for him, as he’s not a believer in mental health issues and his family have the same beliefs. They believe it’s laziness more than anything. What do I do? Try and contact him via solicitor or just wait and see?

Everything you've said about him tells me you're much better off without him. He doesn't add love / support / money / doesn't do his fair share of housework etc.

Add to that he insults you.

So please let him go, and don't let him come back.

However, of course he has to pay maintenance for his children. Yes - see a solicitor, and as soon as possible, so you know where you stand.

Are you married?
What's your financial situation when it comes to your living arrangements?
How long have you been together?

Goodbye to him..
Leave it better off without.
Dont give him another thought.
I wouldn't even entertain the idea of trying to contact for anything.

Jesus.

Before blocking me he advise if I hassle him for maintenance or to look after the child, he would have to get a barring order against me

You're dealing with an abusive person who is not on your side, and not on his own child's side either. You need decent legal advice.

You are going to be so much happier in the near future. You already know you can do this by yourself. His words are hurtful, but you've showed here that they are just meaningless words.

Child maintenance can go through the CMS so you don’t have to contact him.
he sounds like he has someone else and is giving you all the crap as he makes excuses for his behaviour.

you’ll come to celebrate the fact he left, but for now , take care of yourself . Don’t contact him, go straight through the CMS

than you for replying, living in my house, so no issue there other than I won’t have his very small contribution. We have been together 3 years and it’s not like we are teenagers. I’m 40 and hes 42. I feel so so mortified to have to tell people that he just walked away.

Were you married. If so get a divorce. Apply for maintenance for your child what a monster. Don't even bother trying to contact him.

Oh heck. What unpleasant behaviour. He needs to pay maintenance and see his child assuming his child wants to see him. He can’t just vanish. But as your child is a bit older and you do almost all the home making and earning, you won’t miss his practical contribution too much and can take your time. Hope DC is Ok.

He obviously doesn't love you. No one who loves you calls you names, works you into the ground, criticises your appearance or doesn't take care of you when you're ill.

I'm glad to hear you are safe and can remain in the house. You can claim CMS he's talking nonsense.

Sounds ideal, enjoy the peace from such an utter scumbag removing himself from your property.
Only communicate with him by parenting app and claim your child’s maintenance through CMS.

I'm so sorry you're in this position. He sounds horrible.

He'll have to pay maintenance. Can you get some good legal advice now that this millstone round your neck has walked out?

He has used and abused you. Fortunately for you he has gone. Never take him back. The rotten apple that is he did not fall far from the rotten tree that is his family of origin.

Claim CMS. He is financially responsible for his child.

Thanks all for support and advice. He’s contacted some of my family and said I have too many issues for him to deal with and any wonder I was alone for years until I trapped him. He has also accused me of cheating, I don’t have time to shower days due to a baby and career, so where I’d get time I don’t know. He has even named the man I am supposedly with, a friend who I haven’t seen in 2 years. Should I dump his belongings or have them returned to him? I’m afraid he’ll call
police if I destroy anything of his. Hes all about the law and keeping himself right.

I'd be inclined to put his belongings in bags and give them to one of his family members.
Since he's blocked you, you won't be able to tell him that that's where his stuff is, so they'll have to do it for you.

It's a low blow, telling your family how awful he thinks you are.

Pack his shit up and give it to anyone who'll take them
Cms claim then move on with your life.

Get someone to give his things to his family and start the ball rolling for maintenance. I don't know what a barring order is, but the less you have to be involved with him the better by the sound of it!

I think he is having a breakdown or something, my friends niece who used to work for him, has just been sacked as she knows me so he can’t have her in his place of work in case she tells me his private business. He has a small business with pretty much no profit so what secrets is he talking about? He has also been saying that he is willing to sign his rights to the baby away, as he doesn’t want stuck with me for rest of his life. His mother agrees with all, she feels that I need to do all at home and let him rest after work. I’m actually going to block anyone connected to him as I don’t want to hear anymore. They are all unhinged, and the irony is they think im
insane as I was treated for PND 😡

Sounds like you have had a lucky escape with this twat walking out on you.

Bag up his stuff and get a family member to tell him where it is

Contact CMO regarding maintenance, he has to pay this, although of course, he can choose not to work like so many do.

Don't bother contacting him about your child, he has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with it and your child will be better off for that in the long run by the sound of him.

Ah your better off without him, although it might not feel that way at the moment if you still love him.

He isn’t that bothered about the law, he has a legal responsibility towards his child…fucking dick.

Start the proceedings for a CMS claim, bag up his belongings and take them to a relative of his. Tell them he has blocked you so they can contact him and tell him where he can get them. Oh and record this or take a witness incase his family are twats like him and say you didn’t drop anything off.

It might not feel like it just now, but honestly, you will be better off, he is a horrible man and you and your child don’t need someone like him in your life.

Jeez, the more you post, the worse he sounds. Not to mention his family.

He's done you a favour by walking out.

Your child, not so much. What decent parent says they'll "sign away their rights" over a child FFS?

Put his things in bin bags outside and ask someone to tell him he’s got until bin day to collect them.

it sounds like you’re in a strong position with a home and financial independence - start again without him. He sounds fucking awful.

Claim CMS too. He can’t do anything to you for pursuing this. It’s all bullshit to try and intimidate you. He sounds like the type of cunt that would give up his job to avoid paying. Good - you don’t need the money and he’ll only wreck his own life and financial security.

And yes, he does have a legal responsibility to his child, and will have to pay you maintenance.

good advice always dreaming 21. Yeah I will record and drop to one of his parents houses, I will pursue for maintenance but he has virtually no income, he did that to avoid paying maintenance to his other kids. I really was a fool, I believed all he said and I do still have feelings for him unfortunately.

Probably best that you've found out what a scumbag he is now rather than later.

I suggest that you don't demean yourself by trying to contact him and move on. From now on he can talk to you via your solicitor. He will come to see that he's made a big mistake as you sound like a lovely hard working lady - his loss.

No, don't give him ammunition by dumping his stuff - apart from anything it's a crime as it belongs to him even though he's abandoned it. Change the locks so that he can't enter your home. Pack his stuff into black bags, contact his family & make an appointment for a trusted family member or friend to collect it at your convenience. You could even arrange for a trusted friend/family member to do the handover of his stuff and make yourself scarce so as to avoid any unpleasantness if he decides to accompany the trusted friend/family member who collects it and to ensure that only his belongings are taken.

See a solicitor about your position. If you aren't married, is he on DC's birth certificate? Be prepared for him to say that DC isn't his and may insist on a DNA test - which he can pay for, you know who's child DC is and if he wants the proof he can pay. As it's his child, he does have financial responsibility for maintaining the child, he won't have a choice in the matter. He can't just walk out on his obligations.

Bringing up a child on your own isn't so bad. I was a (widowed) single parent for 10 years. I was PG when my DH died. It can be tough, but also has many rewards. For one you know who the child is in the house & won't have to deal with an abusive man-child anymore. Also you make the rules and what you say goes - you say it's bedtime; there's no-one there to appeal to for just another 5 minutes of play time.

You are a strong independent woman - you've got this. x