Partner walked out

[Niamh84]

My partner walked out on me and our 12 month old. He has blocked my number, I can’t make contact. I have no idea what his plans are, we were messaging initially, where amongst lots of things he told me I’m a fat, lazy c**t and he hates having to pretend to love me. I work 40 hours per week and I’m the main financial provider as well as I do 90% of daycare drop off, laundry, cooking and cleaning. So how he thinks I’m lazy I don’t know. He also said I am too slow to lose the baby weight, I have gone up about 10/12lbs, so I’m not exactly huge, I do have a very wobbly belly but he told me previously he loved it as it carried out precious child. Before blocking me he advise if I hassle him for maintenance or to look after the child, he would have to get a barring order against me. He also said he’s online dating now and hopefully meet someone less evil than me. I had PPDPPA, but I’m actually really well in recent months. I know it was difficult for him, as he’s not a believer in mental health issues and his family have the same beliefs. They believe it’s laziness more than anything. What do I do? Try and contact him via solicitor or just wait and see?

As you're not married and you're carrying the primary financial burden you're actually in a really good position.

Change the locks. Give his belongings to a member of his family. Start CMS proceedings for maintenance.

Seek legal advice in case he decides to get family courts involved. Record everything abusive he has said to you (including to your family) and about your child.

I'm presuming you're going to want minimum contact.

Op, focus on what's in your control and only that. There is no shame in a relationship ending, ignore what others think / say etc means sod all . You have the fundamentals of being financially self sufficient, that's a huge bonus.

Claim the CMS, send an email/comms to the idiot feckless ex with instructions regarding his belongings.

Whatever his issues are, sounds like you can do very little right now to address. You're a mum, the little one needs you more than this man child x

You're in shock but I'm sure those feelings will disappear pretty quickly once you realise a) what he's done to you and b) how little he cares about his own children (now you're a mum, is there any bigger possible ick?!)

Bag up all his stuff and get a taxi driver to take it all to his mother's.

I knew he'd be living in your house. I knew he'd be paying virtually nothing. It's always the case. It made me laugh that if you claim child support from him he'll get a restraining order against you. Unbelievable.

Don't go worrying about whether he's having a breakdown. He'll be with someone else within a week and will be living off the fruits of her labour. He'll tell her you're mad, lazy etc and it won't be long before he's telling her the same thing.

Block the lot of them. File for child support. Enjoy the peace of your home without him.

To add, get your friends/family over asap and give them the low down of what's going on. Often we don't ask for the help /support due to either shame or reluctance to hear the raw truth.

👌🏻

When I left my ex husband he made sure he got in there first with my family and told them all I was having a mental breakdown and I would never find someone like him the fucking idiot, he also went into our daughters old primary school to tell her old headteacher that I had left him lol she was in year 8 at secondary school at this point. You and your child are better off away from this absolute cock but please don't even bother trying to defend yourself to the people he is talking to saying you have issues or whatever because I ended up looking like I was having a breakdown because I was furiously trying to defend myself. Leave him to it and let him find someone less evil because it's really not him that's the problem is it 🤨

How you can have feelings for someone who treats you and his child so badly ?

People can't just switch feelings off.

This 👆🏼

Imagine this was your child's partner, what would you say / do then ? Bet the disgust & ick would kick in fairly quickly

Don't dispose of his stuff. I would box it all up and drop it off at his mother's. I'd lay out what is going in the box. I'd take a photo. I'd put it in the open box and take a photo of the contents. I'd then take a photo of it at his mums.

I'd claim CM. But, if he's self employed he'll probably fiddle so he doesn't have to pay you anything. That's why he's sacked the person you know. So that can't feed you info about the amount of work he's doing and income.

If your in the UK you can't just sign away your rights. It's not like the US.

He's trying to intimate you.

Realistically, being a partner and parent doesn't suit him. He sounds like a right prock as does his family.

Oh...and ignore some posters who will only criticise you, not helpful but that's MN sometimes. 😘

Everyone who has offered great advice and support, thank you. For the few who have questioned my ability to love him, well he wasn’t all bad, especially pre baby when we lived quite independently of each other. I’m sure the feelings will go soon, and be replaced with disgust and anger, but right now I have lost my idea of what he was initially.

What a disgusting man. You must be in shock but will be better off without him. Don't let his horrible words live in your head as you know they are not true.

Yes, I reported that horrible post.

Don't let him make you feel like this. You have nothing to be ashamed of. He should bloody embarrassed by his behaviour.

Get a solicitor. Calum child support and be glad that you don't have to put up with the man child any longer x

Well she'll need to out in a claim for wrongful termination. He can't just sack her because she knows you! What an arse he is.

It sounds like the trash has taken itself out in this instance.

Sounds like you're better off without him x

You really need to take those feelings out back and put them down like a hydrophobic rat.

You ex is really sociopathic. He lies and abuses remorselessly. He would be a terrible person to have near your child. Its very destructive to have a father like that.

Contact Child Support Agency and a good family law solicitor! And let his sorry ass go! Dont contact him anymore, let the agency and your solicitor deal with him!

wish you all the very best on your future!!

Go via csa and he will have to pay.

Doesn’t sound like it will be worth trying to get maintenance if he barely has an income, you’ll not receive anything if he doesn’t have enough to live on and if he gets UC for example you’re looking at around 7 quid a week it’s not even worth the hassle……..

Yeah I don’t think I’d get a penny to be honest. He gives his other kids some pocket money if he has it, but no maintenance to the ex. I wasn’t aware of all u til it was too late 😥 hes quite miserable about money, whereas I shared all with him. He says it’s easy for me because I’m a spoilt brat who has. A rich family, that’s not the case, they all have good jobs and work hard, by no means’s’rich’

Well use it as a lesson to not support someone unless they are fully supporting you……sounds like he’s just very good at using people and disappearing when the hard work comes……….