Partner walked out

[Niamh84]

My partner walked out on me and our 12 month old. He has blocked my number, I can’t make contact. I have no idea what his plans are, we were messaging initially, where amongst lots of things he told me I’m a fat, lazy c**t and he hates having to pretend to love me. I work 40 hours per week and I’m the main financial provider as well as I do 90% of daycare drop off, laundry, cooking and cleaning. So how he thinks I’m lazy I don’t know. He also said I am too slow to lose the baby weight, I have gone up about 10/12lbs, so I’m not exactly huge, I do have a very wobbly belly but he told me previously he loved it as it carried out precious child. Before blocking me he advise if I hassle him for maintenance or to look after the child, he would have to get a barring order against me. He also said he’s online dating now and hopefully meet someone less evil than me. I had PPDPPA, but I’m actually really well in recent months. I know it was difficult for him, as he’s not a believer in mental health issues and his family have the same beliefs. They believe it’s laziness more than anything. What do I do? Try and contact him via solicitor or just wait and see?

If he's all about the law, he will know he needs to pay child maintenance even if he chooses to never see the child again. If you want to have that fight, which may not be worth it, if he has limited income.

On this occasion, I really hope you aren't married and he is entitled to nothing from you.

I feel so so mortified to have to tell people that he just walked away.

He wasn't good enough for me.

That's all you need to say.

Not married thankfully. So really I can just stay blocked and never talk to him again, as he won’t have money to pay any maintenance and he will never show up for our baby. It’s better h just goes completely now rather than being there for the baby and walk away in 3 months or whenever he meets his next GF. If he hasn’t already met someone that is.

Absolutely Love this x

If he hasn’t already met someone, that is

It does seem likely. He sounds like the sort of bloke who'd be unfaithful and then pretend it was all your fault anyway.

What a prince.
Outside of his own family, nobody is interested.
He has got other children he hasn’t provided for and now a baby with you.
I can imagine he may have started this relationship with you because you have your own home and resources. The person you thought you knew and loved never existed.
That’s the way these men operate.
And for a man of his age going around bad-mouthing the mother of his baby, he’s pathetic.
You will be hurting right now and will for a while. He’s giving it his best shot to cause you more pain.
But you are the one who has everything going for them here - a lovely new baby, your own home, a hard working family who have given you standards.
You lowered those standards with him. We have all done it, it happens.
As for him online dating what a sad man he is. You have to feel sorry for any woman out there who encounters him, but that’s not your problem.
You will flourish now he’s gone.

He has history of cheating on every women he’s been with and then his dear old mum calls the ex the problem who forced her poor son into the arms of another. I have been a stupid stupid woman 🤦‍♀️

Good riddance, he sounds absolutely appalling, I'd be showing people his abusive messages refusing to pay for his own kid. You've nothing to be ashamed of.

Sounds like the garbage took itself out

You won't feel like it right now but he's done you a real favour and showed himself to be the asshole he is

Enjoy your happier safer more secure less dramatic life

Their loss - they will miss out on the wonderful experience of being GPs to a lovely child. I have no DGC of my own, but my DH has 7, 2 live in USA so we don't see them very often, the other 5 I love spending time with. We babysit, pick them up from school & bring them back to one of our houses to make pizza, play with my little dog, paint DH's toe nails (little girls love that!) watch movies etc, we have them during school holidays. I love it.

They will miss out on all that fun.

What kind of support are you likely to get from your family?

I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position... be loud and rolud when you say he has left you and tell people your only regret is that he walked out before you sent him away. Of course, you apply for Child Support, because that will follow him wherever he goes and will be a reminder of what an *rse he is. I think you may well be surprised at how much more disposable income you now have following his leaving. And, as the perfect revenge, live your best life in spite of him, you and your DC deserve that!

Aw that sounds lovely, your grandkids are blessed. I will have support, once I ask for it. His parents don’t see his older kids who live minutes down the road from them: maybe at Christmas and that’s it.

He's scum.

File for CMS and don't speak to him.
Save any vile messages he sends you.

I did think about sending screenshots of his messages, particularly the one about signing the parental rights away, to one of his friends and also to a cousin of his, who is very respectable and a good person. Would I be doing for revenge or am I doing to keep him from badmouthing me? I’m not sure what my motives would be right now. I’m so shocked that I can’t even get my head around it yet.

I would only consider doing that if they were repeating a mistruth he had told them, otherwise, say nothing and maintain the moral highground.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5258143-is-it-my-stuff-because-if-its-mine-im-burning-it?page=4&reply=141598311

In case you are interested BUT dont dump his stuff

Yeah. I will save for the future if I ever hear anything from anyone other than the truth, I will absolutely share with the relevant people then. As much as I’d love to show the world some of the messages he has sent, particularly about how fat I am, and how I would never get another man to look at me as I’m so lazy. But I’ll save it all, just incase ☺️

Gosh OP this sounds brutal, I can understand why you are devastated.

I think if he won’t be able to contribute much CMS then don’t bother chasing for any, it’s not worth the energy, emotions and drama that may come with it.

Ignore his comments about your weight and belly…. If he isn’t mature enough to recognise a woman’s body changes dramatically to grow a child and he’s going to give you hassle for it then shame on him.

I do agree that PND can be hard on the partner, but you’ve sought treatment etc and done your best to address it.

Don’t destroy his belongings, again not worth the hassle.

But also don’t allow them to be there for a considerable amount of time.
Anything that belongs to you though i.e gifts etc pop in the bin.

This is going to hurt for a while but you will get through it … lean on family for support if you can xx

@Niamh84 remember too, to also change the locks!!! front and back doors and sheds or padlocks!! dont put it past him to attempt to gain entry!

If you own your house ...

1. Change the locks in case he has a key
2. Get somebody to drop his stuff, in bin bags, at his parents/ sisters/work ... wherever is best.
3. Apply to CMS for child maintenance.
4. Try and cease all contact, direct or via family.

The deflecting saying you cheated says it all…
Dump his shit off to his mum’s and leave it there. Make sure you contact the CMS asap.

I would just save those texts in case any of his family pressure you to give him another try.
You could forward them then and say that after he made those comments about your child it's not something you would ever consider.

Sounds like you'll be much better off without him.

Yes it's hard work but generally peaceful. I know my daughter sometimes feels a pang when she sees her friends in their loving families but I asked her what she thought her childhood had been like in the ten years since her dad left (she was 5) and she replied "bliss".

You can build a blissful life without this horrible man in it.

@FindusMakesPancakes

If he's got other children he doesn't support and he's self employed there is no way he'll pay child support.

He's a complete wanker. You and DC are better off without him & his family. You are a strong lady and an excellent mother - hold on to that. Sending you my love Hun. X