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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU-partner watching workout videos

105 replies

YourRealOP · 20/01/2025 21:14

Hi,

need some advise. Came home from work early to find my partner watching yoga videos and masturbating and I genuinely feel sick. I feel like it’s so inappropriate and degrading to objectify women in this way as it isn’t why the material has been created. If I’d caught him watching porn that would have given me the ick but catching him doing it to women who are just working out has honestly made me feel so disgusted with him. I literally cannot even look at him. We have always had in depth discussions about objectifying women/ women’s rights etc and I now feel like I don’t even know who he is. Aside from this he is actually the perfect partner but he said when he’s bored/stressed etc he does this. I’ve found out he searches YouTube for women exercising/dancing/ flashing etc. it just feels so seedy. Can I have your opinions on this do you think I’m being OTT? It feels unhealthy to me

OP posts:
Original poster
YourRealOP · 22/01/2025 07:52

GutsyShark · 22/01/2025 07:48

I didn’t say you had, the first paragraph was answering your OP, the second more of a general observation about mumsnet. I’d be careful of thinking opinions on here are typical.

Show quote history

Apologies for the misunderstanding 🫶

OP posts:
Newyearbutsameoldproblems · 22/01/2025 10:41

YourRealOP · 22/01/2025 07:51

I asked whether I’m being unreasonable about what I was feeling and never once have I said masturbation is wrong or he can only masturbate to me etc., I wanted to know whether others would feel the same regarding the content that was being used. I’ve taken on board loads of opinions on here and most have been really helpful. I recognise I’ve been OTT with my reaction it just felt weird to me.

I wish some people would work on their comprehension skills before posting a response to something that I never said. For some people accusing me of being ‘controlling’ simply for asking a question on here shows that you’ve no idea what a controlling relationship is like…

Thanks for the mostly helpful comments.

You felt how you felt.

You were entitled to feel how you felt.

I don't understand why you are looking to people on the Internet to tell you your reaction and feelings weren't valid.

Just because other people obviously have a different view point and can rationalise and accept your partner's behaviour it doesn't mean to say you have to deny your own feelings .

Original poster
YourRealOP · 22/01/2025 12:14

Newyearbutsameoldproblems · 22/01/2025 10:41

You felt how you felt.

You were entitled to feel how you felt.

I don't understand why you are looking to people on the Internet to tell you your reaction and feelings weren't valid.

Just because other people obviously have a different view point and can rationalise and accept your partner's behaviour it doesn't mean to say you have to deny your own feelings .

Edited
Show quote history

I’m looking because that’s what this forum is for isn’t it? I’m just asking for other’s opinions which helps me work through my own feelings. It feels too personal to share with our friendship group as I would not want to embarrass my partner in that way hence using a forum where women discuss stuff.

OP posts:
BabyEl · 26/01/2025 11:39

Newyearbutsameoldproblems · 22/01/2025 07:16

Well that sounds as though you've been reading the cheaters hand book: " she didn't give me the kind of sex I wanted, every time I wanted it, so of course I was justified in seeking it elsewhere"

Show quote history

So what’s the solution? Wife refuses to have sex with husband and bans him from masturbating?

are we all ok with this?

Newyearbutsameoldproblems · 26/01/2025 11:57

BabyEl · 26/01/2025 11:39

So what’s the solution? Wife refuses to have sex with husband and bans him from masturbating?

are we all ok with this?

Show quote history

I've not read the thread since I last posted but I do remember OP saying that she doesn't have a problem with her DH masturbating. It's the using women's workout videos to get off on that she has a problem with.

She says her sex life is perfectly fine.

So I don't see what your point is?

OP is perfectly entitled to be disgusted at finding out her DH views all women as fair game when it comes to using them for his sexual pleasure.
What she does about it is her decision.
She is entitled to have whatever boundaries she sees fit and if her DH does like her boundaries he is perfectly entitled to not accept them and leave the relationship.

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