AIBU-partner watching workout videos

[YourRealOP]

Hi,

need some advise. Came home from work early to find my partner watching yoga videos and masturbating and I genuinely feel sick. I feel like it’s so inappropriate and degrading to objectify women in this way as it isn’t why the material has been created. If I’d caught him watching porn that would have given me the ick but catching him doing it to women who are just working out has honestly made me feel so disgusted with him. I literally cannot even look at him. We have always had in depth discussions about objectifying women/ women’s rights etc and I now feel like I don’t even know who he is. Aside from this he is actually the perfect partner but he said when he’s bored/stressed etc he does this. I’ve found out he searches YouTube for women exercising/dancing/ flashing etc. it just feels so seedy. Can I have your opinions on this do you think I’m being OTT? It feels unhealthy to me

You're literally complaining about men getting turned on by women at the gym. That's hormonal. They can choose not to do anything but it's absolutely ridiculous to say that they can choose not to be attracted to women working out and that they are doing something wrong if they do find them attractive.

I think you've confused objectifying and being attracted to women. Men like women in revealing clothing. The purpose of that clothing matters not to how attractive they find it! Add in some yoga poses that absolutely can double as sexual poses and of course they're interested. They'd have to be dead to not be. I'd find it really controlling if my partner only wanted me to be intimate with him and not masturbate. As a side note it is never a good idea to put a man on a pedestal....

OP, you seem to have made up your mind how you feel about it, probably even before this thread which is absolutely fine, but there is clearly a 50/50 split here so you need to do what you feel fits your own morals.

Most women; especially those that frequent MN, although a bit ‘icky’ would probably prefer their partners to masturbate to anything other than porn due to the issues wildly talked about on here.

men tend to need more visual stimulation than women; we can’t whip out a vibrator and think of England; and your DP probably thought watching fit girls in yoga attire was more appropriate than porn.

if you’d rather him watch porn, then tell him. But regardless of what you say, unless you are shagging multiple times a day, he will still masturbate and he will need some form
of visual stimulation.

Here is my issue with ‘tight clothing and yoga poses that could be seen as sexual’….
Next time there is a man in my yoga class, should I expect him to be there for the yoga or to look at women’s bodies?
Same if you go to the gym. Is having men checking you up and down etc… just normal because of course they’re going to be interested?

Or does it apply just to videos?

It’s almost like you’re saying that people shouldn’t masturbate?

I’m also not there to meet my DHs needs, we have mutually consensual sex.

The way you describe it, it really is 🤢.

See my previous posts for clarity. You have a different view. That’s fine. You enjoy.

Also, why would I want to masterbate when I can have awesome, passionate, sex with my husband? I’d rather share the experience with him than go on a solo mission. I actually don’t anymore and I have a high sex drive. I go to my husband. And it’s always mutually consensual. I don’t know where you got the idea it wasn’t. Maybe it’s the way your mind works.

enjoy masturbating? Yes I do!

As do the vast majority of adults, your DH included!

Ok sweetie. 😂😘

He masturbates….

Despite the awesome passionate sex you always provide 🤣🤣!

He still has a wank when the mood takes him.

Honestly, you want to try it!

Of course you would know wouldn’t you. 😂 I don’t know why you would care whether my husband, who you don’t know master ages or not, that’s a bit weird but you enjoy your little rant. It’s quite amusing, so thanks for that 😂

Yeah I used to and now I don’t. I’ve found something better now. So, as I say, you enjoy love. Whatever floats your boat. 😂

Master ages, brilliant autocorrect

Even funnier than you thinking he doesn’t wank! Never has since you’ve been married, because you meet “his needs” 🤢

If you’d actually read my previous posts you’d see that I stated I don’t care if he has a wank. You must’ve missed that. I also provide him with pics and videos for him to use if he wants to have a wank. What I said was, I don’t need to or have any notion for it because I would rather have sex with my husband. Yeah, my phone did autocorrect, aren’t you clever to point that out. Anyway, I’m bored of you and your rubbish rants now. At first I found it quite amusing but now you’re just predictable. Maybe you should do a little bit of self reflection on why you felt the need to try and have a go at me because I have a different view than you. Bit weird. Anyway, enjoy having your wanks! Bye! 👋😂

Jesus, the vast majority of fit and healthy adults wank, regardless if they are in a relationship. It’s normal and healthy.

any woman that says their DP doesn’t is kidding themselves, and I’d say quite a high % albeit not as high as men still masturbate. It’s when wanking becomes a priority over the real thing it becomes an issue.

The issue here, isn’t about the act itself, it’s what OP’s partner was masturbating to.

@MyNewLife2025 your point is very valid, however, let’s be honest, the majority of men go to yoga classes BECAUSE they know it will be full of women in tight Lycra.

in regards to the gym, and I can only speak from my experience in my local gym, but an awful lot of women dress to catch the eye so to speak. Face full of makeup; camel toe ( sorry!) and tops that barely cover their chest; so of course they are going to get wandering eyes and that’s what they want.

You actually are that controlling that he has to use pics and videos of you to wank over? He can’t decide what he wants to look at or think about? It must be you?

I’ve heard it all now!

be very careful what he’s doing with this pics and videos….. it’s a very dangerous game to play!

Sorry, but you did twice. Here’s one of your quotes below;

if they are horny then they should be going to their spouse for sexual satisfaction, not knocking one out to some random women who’s not their wife.

Yeah I said it should be the wife not a random women. My husband has pics and vids of me. He can knock one out to that whenever he wants if I’m not about or if I’m sick or something. The rest of the time he comes to me and I go to him. I don’t see what’s the problem with that. He asked me for the pics etc specifically for this purpose. We have discussed this stuff funnily enough. You can all believe what you like but not everyone is wanking their brains out to porn or similar. Been there, done that. Wasn’t very fulfilling for either of us. So now we have our own way. And for all the women who say, all men are doing it. No, they’re not. There is a whole new movement of men, who like my husband have decided to stop watching porn and masterbating for a whole host of reasons but often because they feel it weakens them in some way. That it’s damaging to them in some way. Look it up. It’s a thing.

Suppose Magic Mike was a huge success because the main character was a struggling male stripper with a great story arch 🤣

Like most of the female viewers weren't sitting in a puddle by the end of that movie 🤣

Bill Hicks has a good comedy routine about Pornography "we don't know what it is but it's bad".

Point taken 😆

Oh there’s no problem with that, and I think it’s great that you provide him wanking material, but you are very naive if you genuinely think that is ALL he uses. My ex did the same; and I reciprocated but we both knew that we used other material as well.

I’ve not heard of this whole new movement of men not wanking, a quick Google search shows 96% of British men masturbate and 58% of British women do.

What I do think is happening though, is the material that men are watching is changing. I think with the advent of onlyfans and other cam services , porn is or at least will be less widely viewed in years to come. This is primarily down to greater knowledge that the couples on the cams are consenting, and the money they make goes directly into their pockets with far less chance of trafficking and rape:

You will never know why people are in your yoga class. Men, or other women may well like looking at your and other people's bodies. However - finding other people attractive is not the same as "having men checking you up and down". Most people have a very clear understanding what is an acceptable behaviour in public.

But as others said - it is natural to find other people attractive, especially in revealing clothes and poses. And gym clothes have gone tighter and even more physically revealing (bum sculpting leggings, anyone...)

So - absolutely - you can expect people to behave appropriately. Staring, commenting, any unwanted contact, etc - is absolutely within their control and is unacceptable. BUT - you can't expect people not to feel attraction.

And - you can't control their thoughts - so you will never know whether Bob from yoga goes home and wanks imagining an orgy with his yoga class, that includes you...

If you want no one to see you as a sexual person - than you do need to dress such that no one notices you. There is no way around that.

Great example!

And why was Margot Robbie cast as Barbie? So there was a reason all the men would go watch the film with their partners… it certainly got me in the cinema! 😂

He's done nothing wrong and you're being controlling.