AIBU-partner watching workout videos

[YourRealOP]

Hi,

need some advise. Came home from work early to find my partner watching yoga videos and masturbating and I genuinely feel sick. I feel like it’s so inappropriate and degrading to objectify women in this way as it isn’t why the material has been created. If I’d caught him watching porn that would have given me the ick but catching him doing it to women who are just working out has honestly made me feel so disgusted with him. I literally cannot even look at him. We have always had in depth discussions about objectifying women/ women’s rights etc and I now feel like I don’t even know who he is. Aside from this he is actually the perfect partner but he said when he’s bored/stressed etc he does this. I’ve found out he searches YouTube for women exercising/dancing/ flashing etc. it just feels so seedy. Can I have your opinions on this do you think I’m being OTT? It feels unhealthy to me

God no. 😫 my sex drive is lower than my DH’s, your advice is putting pressure on OP to meet all his sexual needs. That’s not her job. If her DH needs to take care of himself now and then, that is a good thing. And I don’t care if he looks at pictures or videos of other women to do that. I draw the line at porn because it’s too violent, but sexy snaps or dance videos, no problem.

I’m not telling her to do anything. I’m giving my option which she asked for. We are all allowed to have our own views. I

You were telling her to take care of his needs….
He should be coming to you to have his needs taken care of.

You were advising her to. If you were simply expressing your view you would have written
My DH comes to me to have all his needs taken care of

Here is a site that talks about men giving up porn and masterbating. There’s also entire communities on Reddit of men who are doing it. Some are doing it because they have a porn addiction and some just don’t want it in their lives anymore. Some are religious and don’t do it for that reason. It is a thing and it’s a community that’s growing, especially amongst young men.

https://www.knowledgeformen.com/trash-your-porn-quit-masturbating-and-crush-life/

In that case if we all have different views, why do say what should be done?

There is no should about what you’ve posted.

Because that’s my opinion.

OPs DH was not looking at porn.

So why should they follow your rules?

Didn't you post this yesterday

Yeah, this is a reply to a previous comment about the movement of men who are giving up porn AND masterbation.

I never said they should.

curious, do you fulfil your partners sexual needs completely? Whenever he wants?

It’s masturbate, for someone so knowledgeable you’re continually spelling it incorrectly!

#pedant

Never claimed to be knowledgeable. I know of this particular movement and I’ve shared that information. One things for sure though, you’ve certainly got a hard on for me and my spelling. 😂

I’m not sure it’s any of your business what he thinks about/watches while masturbating. Are you mostly shocked you caught him? Everyone does it, there’s nothing wrong with it but not an attractive thing to witness!

I think a lot of people’s attitude to masturbation on mumsnet is extremely controlling. Problematically controlling.

A few more bits of info on the community I’m talking about

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/

https://stoptogether.com/nofap-timeline-each-stage-what-to-expect/

https://thealphaproject.in/category/nofap/

Theres loads out there. It is a thing and it’s gaining popularity. So, there are men who don’t masturbate, (correct spelling for my biggest fan @Nonaynevernomore 😂)

You have claimed to be knowledgeable, read back your own posts. You’re also doing a lot of research, for something you’re not trying to get people to agree with you about.

Honestly, I find your attitude quite weird. You never masturbate because your DH will always meet your needs with fulfilling sex. Or presumably you just go without, because it’s not important for your needs to be met.

You’ve supplied wank material for him to use, via pics and vids, because every sexual thought must contain you only!

I find all that controlling.

For god sake, don’t ever ask him what he’s thinking about….

100% this! I cannot believe some of the nonsense I’ve read on here tonight!

I would personally find this arrangement really really hot.

But I think it's not for all couples. If you're really in to eachother and see sex as a gift you continually give, fine. But if there's any discord it could become claustrophobic to say the least.

I know of this community, Im not researching it, my husband is living it. 😂 You can find me/him weird, I’m ok with that. I don’t wank because I go to my husband when I’m horny and we have sex or he gets me off. It’s great. I gave him materials because he asked for them. He chose to use them when he decided to stop using porn when we met, his choice and he brought it up. Nowadays, he’s in full no fap, but he can wank away to them if he wanted. Then again, it’s unlikely because he would just come to me and having a wank would burst his streak. Again, he chose this nothing to do with me. I like the idea of us sharing our needs with each other so I am now basically doing the same. I find it romantic and very sexy tbh. I haven’t claimed to be knowledgeable about anything nor have I told people what to do. I’ve voiced my opinion and my personal experience. You don’t like that. I get it. That’s not a problem for me. I’ve actually quite enjoyed this and it’s funny to me that it’s so utterly baffling to you. But hey ho! I’ve kind of exhausted my communication with you now lovey so nighty, night! Nice talking to ya 👍

Well that sounds as though you've been reading the cheaters hand book: " she didn't give me the kind of sex I wanted, every time I wanted it, so of course I was justified in seeking it elsewhere"

Controlling by asking a question on here? Please explain. I’ve not said anything to him about it I’m asking for opinions on here. Calm yourself down.

I’ve never once said that masturbating is wrong.

I didn’t say you had, the first paragraph was answering your OP, the second more of a general observation about mumsnet. I’d be careful of thinking opinions on here are typical.

I asked whether I’m being unreasonable about what I was feeling and never once have I said masturbation is wrong or he can only masturbate to me etc., I wanted to know whether others would feel the same regarding the content that was being used. I’ve taken on board loads of opinions on here and most have been really helpful. I recognise I’ve been OTT with my reaction it just felt weird to me.

I wish some people would work on their comprehension skills before posting a response to something that I never said. For some people accusing me of being ‘controlling’ simply for asking a question on here shows that you’ve no idea what a controlling relationship is like…

Thanks for the mostly helpful comments.