Dating After 50

[Gr8white]

Hey. I just spent Christmas entirely alone and started thinking (again) about joining a dating website. I was married for over 20 years and have been single for the last decade of so. I don't tend to meet anyone new and everyone I know seems to be coupled up. Don't get me wrong, at over 50yrs old now, I long ago stopped imagining walking down the aisle again, it would just be nice to have someone special in my life. Does anyone have any tips on dating websites? I'd be so grateful to hear of your experiences and advice. x

Speaking from a male perspective here Bumble is by far the best, Tinder is awful and Hinge is pretty good.

Just be you in your profile - and know what you are looking for. Speaking to dates I had, there are a large number of married guys and ones that just want to send you dodgy pics but there are a number of normal guys, like me that were just after a relationship.

Am not a brad pitt lookalike but didnt get as many hits as I thought I would so guess women have a lot of choice. I would stop chatting with those that left it 2 days between replies or didnt talk much, one like replies etc...

Thanks BeerAndMusic, that's interesting. Ideally, I would like to do a speed dating event for my age bracket, (less pressure), but can't find anything in London which appeals to me. A gap in the market, I think!

As a fellow 50 something single lady it’s pretty grim out there unless you’re looking for no strings sex.

The apps are full of men chasing women 20 years their junior, looking for hook ups and casual sex or married men looking for a FWB on the side.

My friends and I have all tried and given up.

That's depressing to hear. I've had it suggested to me that I join a pottery class or whatever, but it seems a false way to find a man. I mean I like pottery, but...

I wouldn’t bother - people like your profile
bit don’t message so why like in the first place. People like you and they are located a silly number of miles away- I had one from Paris today. Photos that by the time you have flicked through the man has aged about 50 years. And my personal favourite, photos of them with their kids 🤮🤮 .

From reading this thread and looking around, I think Bumble Ignognito sounds like the best option. I will let you know if I go for it!

I like Hinge personally. I'm 55. I have met some nice normal men on there.

I'm personally currently dating younger men, just because I don't want anything long term, but I've got a couple of really nice men my age who do want more.

It's worth a try. I don't fancy speed dating myself I've heard it's a bit cringe inducing.

I'm 51, I dated a lot online when I was single 15ish years ago, it was fine, but never met anyone i'd actually want to date, but I used to meet a lot of people out and about, so that was fine - met my husband irl and that was that...

But here I am again, currently separated and thinking about dating again. I don't like the idea of Bumble, i'd rather a man message me first. I've never heard of Hinge.

Be interesting to hear what you make of it now. I met my husband online about 18 years ago (so it was all very new and a bit weird to meet dates online back then!). Have recently wondered what it would be like now (being similar age to you and about to be single again). It was relatively dire 18 years ago although most people were on it for the right reasons. Perhaps now there are lots more people on it (as it's more accepted) but downside is a lot of people are there for the wrong reasons.

I've been following Kelsey Wonderlin on Instagram and her ideas on using weeding out questions seem quite sensible.

Don’t give up hope! I met my boyfriend on Hinge two years ago at the age of 52.

It was the first time I had tried online dating as I had previously been married for 25 years. My boyfriend was actually the second person I met (the first was a coffee date where I made my excuses and left because he wasn’t for me).

BF is a lovely guy, also divorced, he’s really kind and thoughtful and we have a lovely time together. So there definitely are decent men out there.

I'm going to register on Hinge and maybe Bumble today. Nervous. I'll let you know what happens...

So Hinge: I registered about an hour ago, its about £25 for one week. I've had kind responses but from initial glances, not from anyone I'd be attracted to right away. They all do seem like decent men though.

Been using ourtime which is over 50. It was the biggest shock to the system but been seeing someone since Xmas who is normal and I think its been worth it. I had lots of dates but I became much more fussy. If there was no humour I moved on shallow perhaps but thsts more important than looks.

It's not as bad as some people say. It's worked for me. Hopefully thos one works but of not there's plenty out there.

@aquashiv hey there. Thanks for posting. I made two determinations over a sad and lonely Christmas/NYE: I would try a dating app; join some sort of local group. This morning, I did both. The bloke that I spoke with on the dating app wants to meet over the weekend for a walk and a coffee -- so I've invited him to the walking group! If there's no spark or if he likes someone else in the group better than me, I'm cool with it! It'll be nice to meet someone new.

I'm using the free version of Hinge. I've met some nice men on there actually. It's kept me occupied anyway throughout the very boring month of January.

Hope your date goes well.

Sounds brilliant good for you. Just be yourself and they are as nervous as you are.

Hey Peachy and Aqua. It's a bit odd - the guy I invited to the walking group went silent. I don't know why, as it was his idea to meet up this weekend for a walk and a coffee. I'm not feeling so confident now, I'm actually wondering if I've done something daft on the tech side and if anyone can see me now because all the 'likes' I had earlier have gone. Or maybe I smell bad or my mother dresses me up funny.

I met my (now) DH on Our Time.

I had plenty of dates with men who only wanted sex and other older men who wanted a 'nurse with a purse' (eg: someone who would look after them and had a pension) - but didn't get it from me. I also met someone who turned out to be a person on licence as was serving a life sentence for seriously abusing previous partners & (after I'd stopped seeing him) he became involved in poor woman's death (google Richard Scatchard). I am so relieved that I didn't have sex with him & he was declaring undying devotion to me after only 5 or 6 dates and also offering to pay for my boobs to be enhanced - really mate? So, red flags raised, thank God I dumped him.

Anyway I was lucky that I met my DH who lived & ran a business locally to me and I was able to check him out with friends who knew him.

My lesson was to take things at a snail's pace, always meet them in a public place during the day with an exit strategy - I always let a friend know where I was & what time & got them to phone me after about 15 minutes into the date so that I could say that I had a family emergency &, very sorry, but I had to go. Also don't let them know your address until you are completely sure of them.

However, I did meet my wonderful DH, but as I say I was very wary & took things at a snails pace - it was 6 months before we had sex, but when we did it was fab because we had got to know each other so well.

Good luck x

Ghosting....yep it happens don't take it personally...aliens or a wife might have re appeared...move on....

Great post, many thanks for sharing your experience. Yes, let's see what unfolds over the next few days...x

Gosh, that hadn't even occurred to me. The alien bit, I mean. x

Good grief, I just re-read your post and googled R.S. Awful. So scary. I am very glad to hear you are safe and happy now. My thoughts to all those he left bereft.

Bumble. Don't overthink it. It's a numbers game. Don't chat for ages, quick coffee/drink dates, yes even if you have to do the asking. Laugh, reflect but don't overthink it. Yes you will be rejected. As soon as you get upset, stop.

Don't overthink it!!!

I’m female but I met mine on bumble. I was myself. I binned anyone who thought two days was a long time to reply (I have a full time job, two children, two dogs and two horses). Some days were just hectic. I put myself out there as in this is me, this is what I look like, want, etc I had good boundaries. Talked about himself too much (no), talked about his ex too much (no) etc