affair

[Angran1]

how do you get over affair

my world fell apart last week
found out partner has been havung am affair....

yes ive written on here before...

im devastated ,!!

we do want to work us out !!

why do you want to move on? Why does he? Did his affair partner mean nothing to him?

no she didnt....he regrets not ending it !!

They all do when they get caught. I’m a very proud woman, even if I loved him to death I could not step on my pride, morals and self respect. Good luck to you

Regrets not ending it. Now they’ve been caught.

If his affair partner meant nothing to him then why wasn’t she a one night stand? You don’t carry on an affair without having a connection.

Maybe he does love you more, but don’t let him minimise what she meant to him. She meant enough to him that he was okay to put you in this much pain.

I have to say op, I don’t think this is going to work out well. I can’t help but think if rebuilding trust and establishing honesty within your relationship as you attempt to move past your husbands affair is to occur, then he needs to actually stop lying. She obviously did mean rather a lot to him given he’s risked his marriage to you for the sake of shagging her and as for regretting not ending it sooner… well that’s bullshit too isn’t it? If he wanted to, he would’ve. You can’t even begin to move forwards without him taking proper responsibility for what he’s done and being honest with you about the realities of his affair.

He's broken.

Separate.

He's got to fix himself through therapy to see why he cheated and make long term personal and character changes. He's got to earn back your trust through transparency and honesty. Like he's going to have to be honest about his affair and not just blow it off like he just fell into her by accident. He's going to have to step up and prove his character every damn day. No excuses. No blame. He did this and he's got to do the work or leave.

You'll need therapy too. Even so, you might not be able to ever get past this.

If you stay with him @Angran1 you probably will never get over it.

He's shown you he doesn't love you and he's a cheater. Do you need him to show you that again?

He only regrets it because they've been caught, it would probably never have ended had you not found out

I'd recommend survivinginfidelity.com as a good starting point.
Be aware its a long road back and you both need to do a lot of work
Staying and working through it is not the easy option, however, it is possible.

Once the trust has gone, the relationship you thought you had is gone, anytime he gets a text you will be wondering who it’s from. You will be worried to voice any issues with him as you will feel you have to keep him happy in case he strays, you will be jumping through hoops. He will be on his best behaviour and grovel for a couple of weeks and then for him the relationship will go back to normal but you will feel very insecure which will turn to anger as you can’t trust him.

How log. Have you been with him OP?
You sound like you are in shock still.

How was your day today, were you able to get any space from thinking about it? How are you sleeping? The most important thing right now is to regulate your own body stress and trauma responses.

For fuck sake....life's too short....the rest is up to you

"How long have you been with him" that was meant to say.

Why would you ever trust him again?

Do you know the other woman?

What’s making you want to stay with him, practical stuff like kids, finances, housing, lifestyle?

This should be on a poster everywhere

What an awful thing to say.
It is the posters fault their partner has had an affair.
Talk about kicking someone when they're down.

In order to stay with a cheater, you have to basically gaslight yourself into trusting an untrustworthy person.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5252750-is-this-lying?reply=141386203

The most reliable predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. He has demonstrated that he will cheat. He will do it again.

You deserve an honest man, not a liar who will endanger your sexual health. Leave him.

Thank you...❤️

So from your previous threads did he cheat with the ex he shared a DC who doesn’t know you exist or the previous ex that he’s stayed in contact with and met up with?

This man is a serial lying cheating scumbag who can even tell his ex about you after 4 years! Please OP find your self respect and walk away. This man has no respect for you and he’ll continue to treat you like crap.

Nothing worth saving here
Deep Breath and dump his lying arse.

So you both want to work it out.
Forgive him then. Forget about her. Concentrate on you two. And move on. That's it.
But then you've given him carte blanche to do it again, so be prepared for that.
Good luck!

Walk away, this one is a shithead

Of course he does.

They ALL say that. Until things calm down and they pick up where they left off.

Good luck, I hope your situation is different.