Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lap dancing clubs, lap dances and your opinions...this way please.

109 replies

IfYouWereInMyShoes · 05/05/2008 10:45

DH was taken along to a "Gentleman's Club" on Saturday night.
He and the group of people he was with all had one-on-one dances. It is the first time DH has ever done anything of the sort,however, the private "dance" he had comprised of the girl making physical contact with my DH...breasts in mouth and Fanjo literally on his face.
and all for £10 - it was meant to be double but he refused to pay more (before she took him off), explaining he was married .

Am I unusual in not having thrown him out? I feel weirdly calm about the whole thing but am worried that I am just very odd because I am not shredding his clothes and phoning my solicitor.

Opinions gratefully received please?

OP posts:
Original poster
IfYouWereInMyShoes · 05/05/2008 18:37

Lol Rie, I KNOW you would!

OP posts:
NiftyNanny · 05/05/2008 18:37

IYWIMS... sounds really similar to my situation this weekend. There were boobs in face too, I yelled "Oh my God, don't tell me that stuff!!"

One of his married friends did actually leave after about 30 m as he was just not interested.

How much should I pay for a man like THAT!? haha

Original poster
IfYouWereInMyShoes · 05/05/2008 18:39

NN... I think the point where my stomach did lurch was when I realised I'd kissed him before knowing about the Fanjo that had been on his face >>>>>>>>

OP posts:
NiftyNanny · 05/05/2008 18:41

Aaaaaah no!!!

let's hope he brushed his teeth
I thought kebab breath was bad...

mosschops30 · 05/05/2008 18:43

you'd pack your bags for your dh going to a lapdancing club????? really????

Original poster
IfYouWereInMyShoes · 05/05/2008 18:44

I have cleaned my teeth sooooo many times...
The hygiene aspect of tthe whole thing probably bothers me as much as the act itself!! (...using as a sick emoticon as there still isn't one...c'mon MNHQ, we need a barf emoticon)

OP posts:
Original poster
IfYouWereInMyShoes · 05/05/2008 18:45

No, I wouldn't, haven't and don't intend to, but I know people who possibly would (RLB is one of them!!)

OP posts:
PosieParker · 05/05/2008 19:12

What is fidelity if it's not not stimulating someone's nipple??

Original poster
IfYouWereInMyShoes · 05/05/2008 19:42

I know, that's why I feel funny about it

OP posts:
PosieParker · 05/05/2008 19:46

If it was on a stage and everyone was goading (sp) and cheering then you can forgive (I wouldn't!!) the idiocy of peer pressure and not wanting to seem 'wet'. But he was in a private room and agreed to go in there alone with one woman who he knew would be removing her clothes and using her body to impress him. Maybe he was stupid enough to think she would just wiggle her ass but when she pushed her breast near his face he should have said that's enough.

Original poster
IfYouWereInMyShoes · 05/05/2008 19:48

yes, I think you are right PP butit was soo out of character for him I almost feel guilty for feeling slightly mad about it.

OP posts:
PosieParker · 05/05/2008 19:54

I wouldn't feel guilty, he has done something wrong. If you think it's not a glitch in your relationship or worth going crazy about then that's great for you, but I would still let him know how disappointed and shocked you are so he never ventures in a slutfest lapdancing bar again. FGS don't let him know you feel guilty or you may be in danger of being a little complacent and if it happened agin I'm sure you'd feel really differently.
Although I would probably let my dp spend nights in a hotel over something like this and don;t know if I could erase the image of a breast in his mouth and the transaction etc it is great that this can be put to one side for you and not become an issue.

dittany · 05/05/2008 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PosieParker · 05/05/2008 19:55

So well done for not letting a breast get in the way of a great marriage!! Is that what you were looking for??

dittany · 05/05/2008 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swiftyknickers · 05/05/2008 20:05

um your husband has sucked another womans tits and paid for it...

bad form to say the least-why did he have to tell you? to purge himself of any guilt.

I would not give a shit if dp went to a lap dancing clubs (used to alot i think, late night drinking) however i would be devastated if he thought it was ok to 'stimulate another womans nipple with his tongue'

you poor love

dittany · 05/05/2008 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 20:10

What is fidelity if it's not not stimulating someone's nipple??

Is this going for quote of the week.

jellyforbrains · 05/05/2008 20:18

I would be so angry. It is good that you have forgiven him and are being so understanding about it, but I do think things have gone too far when we feel that we have to accept this type of behaviour from partners.

I would be absolutely livid if I found out that my husband had done what yours has. In fact, the thought of him doing that to someone else makes me feel a bit sick. I am not criticising your response to it, but that's just my opinion on how I would feel if I were you.

In fact, I would not be impressed if he had just gone to one of these clubs. Don't see what is wrong with men if they can't just enjoy themselves without the evening descending into some sort of seedy event.

I have read loads of threads on topics like this and am always surprised by how 'liberated' some women are about things like this. Don't really discuss this type of thing with RL friends, but always assumed before MN that most people would feel the way I do.

twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 20:24

I would not want anyone to feel they have to accept anything. A partnership is about two people making common agreements and sticking to them. If the OP husband has gone back on this agreement then she has the right to be angry.

I don't want dp to go to a lap dancing club, FWIW I think our town has too many and have been an active part of a local campaign to stop us getting any more.

But if dp got dragged along by a gang of mates into one of these and ended up parting with a tenner so a girl could jangle her bits at him I would not be angry. I can say this because I know my dp and I know his intention would be never to be faithful to me in mind, body or spirit. But I accept that because I am secure in that fact it is easy for me to say I am not bothered. If dp were to go into one of these clubs I don;t think he would be aiming to stimulate anything but to get out as soon as possible.

The thought of dp doing such a thing does not make me feel sick, the thought of him having sex with another woman or making an emotional connection with another woman on a parr with ours would make me livid.

RaspberrySheep · 05/05/2008 20:27

Could I ask a question? and this is with genuine interest, (sorry to hijack your thread Shoes), I have read this thread with interest and think that the general consensus is that men going to lap dancing clubs is not viewed very highly by their partners, (to say the least!), but what would be a worse situation to you? - If your OP visited lap dancing clubs regularly / without you knowing or if he was having an affair? I appreciate that both situations are terrible, but I wonder if having an emotional attachment to another woman is a lot worse than just a physical attraction (I appreciate that not that all men are attracted to all 'dancer's attributes, but I hope you SWIM). Sorry if this is an insensitive post?.

twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 20:29

For me it would be having an emotional connection with another woman without a doubt.

Spending a lot of time in clubs would annoy me though as he would have less time for housework and i would have less money for shoes.

warmsummersday · 05/05/2008 20:32

I used to worry about these things. OH went on a stag night years ago and ended up in one of these clubs. I was very angry, upset, hurt etc but I was also gald he was honest with me and told me. He has told me of a couple of other occasions and haven't heard anything about it for a year or so now. He lives in Germany mon- fri so who knows what he gets up to but I trust him. I would be upset if there was touching involved though.

Im sure every man has been to a place like this but whether they tell you or not is another matter. They don't tell you because they know how you will react, like this whole thread and it's no wonder they don't tell you. My OH was always with a group of blokes who like that sort of thing whereas I know OH doesn't really like that sort of thing but he is no going to bugger off at 10pm and say 'no sorry, don't like that sort of thing!"

I used to let this thing wind me up all the time but now im trying to live my life and not think about this. Imagine this then, you go away for a weekend with the girls, they want to go to a male strip club, would you go? I bloody would! And if there was one in my local town I would go too.

RaspberrySheep · 05/05/2008 20:33

"the thought of him having sex with another woman or making an emotional connection with another woman" Sorry Twinset, think I X posted then.

warmsummersday · 05/05/2008 20:35

Oh and I would rather my husband went to lap dancing clubs than had an affair.

Swipe left for the next trending thread