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Original poster

Lap dancing clubs, lap dances and your opinions...this way please.

109 replies

IfYouWereInMyShoes · 05/05/2008 10:45

DH was taken along to a "Gentleman's Club" on Saturday night.
He and the group of people he was with all had one-on-one dances. It is the first time DH has ever done anything of the sort,however, the private "dance" he had comprised of the girl making physical contact with my DH...breasts in mouth and Fanjo literally on his face.
and all for £10 - it was meant to be double but he refused to pay more (before she took him off), explaining he was married .

Am I unusual in not having thrown him out? I feel weirdly calm about the whole thing but am worried that I am just very odd because I am not shredding his clothes and phoning my solicitor.

Opinions gratefully received please?

OP posts:
littlelapin · 05/05/2008 11:10

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WanderingTrolley · 05/05/2008 11:16

Stockbroking, tech-ery and nork waving, lapin.

Which of these talents have proved most useful in life?

OP - where are you? Please ask your dh at what point he thought he might need to share this with you, and when he thought things were going a little too far - was it when his face was buried in her cleavage, or when he was examining her cervix?

FluffyMummy123 · 05/05/2008 11:17

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motherinferior · 05/05/2008 11:19

A tenner sounds pretty cheap for a spot of oral sex, frankly.

I personally wouldn't be keen. As in I'm not keen on porn, and I would be distinctly less keen on my partner visiting a prostitute, and I see this as kind of half-way between, really. Or possibly just prostitution. You pay a woman, you get sex in return.

RaspberrySheep · 05/05/2008 15:42

I think IYWIMS should be happy that her OH was honest enough to tell her what had happened, unless he was only telling her half the story, but he must be very trustworthy if he told the dancer that he was married and only paid her a tenner - for that he needs a bit of respect, rather than his clothes shredded.
Think these lap dancing places are a bit like the chicken and the egg - if the men didn't keep going then the dancers wouldn't earn enough to be able to make a living out of it, but the truth is that these places are so popular that a lot of girls can put themselves through university / enjoy a nice lifestyle etc. with their earnings.
If I was OP, I would be most annoyed that her husband paid this woman £10 for a few minutes titilation (pardon the pun!), when it could have been spent on something for the children and would have probably lasted a lot longer / been more fun if it had been (Bah humbug!).

NiftyNanny · 05/05/2008 16:10

My OH went to one at the weekend on a stag do. I totally expected them to end up in one, and I know OH, he'd probably be drunk and going along with it.

He claims as there's money and not emotions invovled, it's completely aceptable.

I pointed out to him that paying someone to push their tits in your face is probably worse, as it's very premeditated and not an "Ooooh, I'm a little bit drunk, mm that feels nice, Ooh bloody hell stop, gotta go home" which you can regret at leisure.

TBH I'm not really that bothered as he comes home to me at the end of the day, and he would never go to one alone or initiate a trip to one unless it was a stag do. I know one of his happily married friends just balked at it and left after 30 mins. Mine didn't - but I'm sure his friend had a good stag do, and really you have to feel a bit sorry for men who pay women to pretend to like them.

NiftyNanny · 05/05/2008 16:11

So now I'm morally superior and he's doing the washing up ;)

twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 16:12

I would say he was under charged and congratulate him on getting a bargain.

FluffyMummy123 · 05/05/2008 16:14

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twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 16:16

Living in Blackpool I know quite a few lapdancers and they are all girls with their heads screwed ( could have chosen a better word perhaps) on.

Dp has never been to such a club but I would not really care if he did, although of course if he were there all the time that would be a different matter or if he lied about it.

dittany · 05/05/2008 16:17

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twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 16:20

Yes but if it is a choice to make money that way it is there choice.

As a student I did some very dodgy things that involved entertaining business men and I never felt expolited I just did what I did to earn money quickly and easily. There wives, if they had any which I suspect most did had nothing to feel jealous of.

twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 16:26

I think it depends on your relationship with your partner.

With my ex who was a cheating toad who made me feel like shit I would have been jealous and gone mad. With dp who very clearly has eyes for no one but me I would not be bothered.

dittany · 05/05/2008 16:26

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Tatterdemalion · 05/05/2008 16:27

oooh lapin I do not know all about pole dancing. I did a 3 hour lesson that was a lot of fun and extremely hard work. I now can get up off the floor in an alluring manner, but have paid the price with a permanently dicky R hip.

OP, If it were my DH, I would have been at going to a 'gentlemans club' with a load of mates (I just think it is all rather seedy and a bit sad) but as mad as all hell with tits in mouth. That is NOT ON. And I would have told him so with my very most serious, do not even think EVER that I am happy with you doing that again, face on. I would probably also use the jabbing finger of rage.

dittany · 05/05/2008 16:28

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twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 16:37

I was talking about the women choosing to make money.

It would have bothered me with my ex as I would have known that he was watching lapdancers because he found me "inadequate" in that department.

If dp did that I know he would have been dragged along as it is just not the kind of thing he would do and that it would have not been connected to any failings in our relationship. Infact I am quite certain that if it happened dp would be dying to come home and give me a good seeing to.

PosieParker · 05/05/2008 16:39

Dittany, once again I'm with you! I would be completely disgusted at my dp going to a lapdancing bar (demeaning and vile places as well as sad, desperate and laddish men) and if he paid for a private dance I would be furious, breasts in mouth that would mean at least a few nights in a hotel for him.
Perhaps OP's not angry as there's nothing she can or is prepared to do about it.
It sounds as if OH is telling half a story to unload a little guilt if you ask me.

dittany · 05/05/2008 16:40

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twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 16:42

For me it is not beside the point if dp got a women to rub her privates in his face and I thought she was forced into that decision I would be bloody furious.

PosieParker · 05/05/2008 16:46

Twinset, how would any man be forced into having a private dance?

On the subject of stag dos are we still accepting at men having strippers and a final lads night before they commit to a relationship? It's beyond my understanding as I cannot think of anything more offputting than a man thinking he needed one night of freedom involving a couple of slags lapdancers/strippers.

dittany · 05/05/2008 16:54

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NiftyNanny · 05/05/2008 17:02

I put this to OH as well: I was hard up before Christmas, if I'd decided to go work in a strip club, my choice, blah blah blah - would he be OK with that?

(the very idea of my size 16 bottom wobbling around on a stage is laughable, but...)

He claims he can separate a "transaction" with "emotional involvement" and he'd be fine with it.

I seriously doubt he would be! Hey, perhaps next time I'm drunk in a bar and some good looking bloke buys me a £10 cocktail, I'm completely within my rights to have a grope in the corner.....

twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 17:08

I don't have an open relationship at all, dp and I are comepletely faithful with each other and I would not have it any way. I would also not be happy if dp was sexually unfaithful but I do not class a woman jangling her bits at dp as being unfaithful.

I have just asked dp if he would ever go to such a club, we live ina town full of them so the oppurtunity is there. He flatly said he wouldn't so perhaps that is why I have such a liberal view on it as I can be fairly certain that it would not be an issue.

I do know however that dp would not be happy if I worked as a lapdancer as we know someone who does and dp thinks hher partner is bonkers for allowing it.

If my dp wanted a stripper on his last night of "freedom" I would be fine with that although tbh I would be more bothered if he thought that by marrying me he was loosing his freedom.

I have similar views on pornography, it just does not bother me, I found some images on our computer that dp had clearly looked at and it amused me but that was it.

twinsetandpearls · 05/05/2008 17:16

"How would he feel if you got naked and rubbed your private parts in another man's face? Would that bother him?"

It would bother him as I am a teacher and although I know exam results are important there is a boundary I should not step over.

Seriously as I said above he would not be happy but I asked him how he would feel about me going to such a place ( at which point he asked if a woman was going to jangle her bits in my face before going all glazed over - I said no a man would jangle his penis at me) and he said he thought it ws degrading but he would not be jealous or angry.