Setting boundaries for 15yr DD since having sex with 15yr old bf

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Hello please be kind this is my first ever post, and I'm nervous but a little lost rn.
Long and short of it is that we have learned our 15yr old DD has recently had (protected) sex with 15 yr old bf. Was in bedroom with door ajar and parents in the house. They've been together 6 mths. She's an amazing smart mature kid, as a pair they seem close and he's a nice enough kid. Background to our family is in the last 1.5 yrs we've had 2 traumatic bereavements in the family rendering myself and DH were emotionally absent for a time.
Wondering how to play this without drama. We don't condone it all (in fact I'm devastated) and will do everything not to encourage this further but want to be supportive and create open communication with her in anything she may need. I didn't get this with my mum at all and only have a really bad experience and memories to draw on. They are underage and imo they may be physically ready they aren't emotionally ready.
We have always said ok to him being around and only when there's an adult in the house (we work from home so always at home) and the bedroom door must be open - but I think this changes everything. Just don't know where to start (other than the obvious about consent & contraception) ...
Thanks for reading this long post, any of you experienced mums out there with pointers on maintaining good relationship with DD and setting clear boundaries going forward and through past consenting age?

That's an unfair and unkind comment. No parent is with their child 24/7. If you think you can control when you're child starts to have sex, you could be in for a nasty surprise.

And can I just say that I lost my virginity to my boyfriend at 15 and I was brought up in an upper middle class family. Parents married and together until my dad's death a couple of years ago. Straight A student. Now happily married with 3 children to my DH. Love my job. Own my own home

Some posters need to get a grip!!
It's a bit earlier than I'd like to see my kids lose their virginity but ITS COMPLETELY NORMAL and doesn't mean she's some feral uneducated bad girl ffs.

OP she sounds sensible.
You should be proud she used contraception and that she trusted you enough to discuss it.
She's a touch young but this isn't something you can put back in the box.
It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with self esteem. Kids develop at different rates emotionally and physically. It may just be that she wanted to, and felt ready to have sex. Don't shame her for this. Keep reinforcing the importance of safe sex, consent and her own boundaries.
Keep encouraging her to pursue all of her interests not just focus on her boyfriend.
She will be fine. You've done well as a parent.

I'm in the camp of 'better to do it in her own bedroom than down the alley at the side of Domino's Pizza'.
I don't know, I think the latter would probably dampen their ardour! It's one thing for them to have sex when you don't know about t but quite another to be encouraging and facilitating it. Might well be regarded as a safeguarding issue if it gets back to the school that you are encouraging your 15 year old daughter to have sex with boys in her bedroom

This is an absolute load of nonsense.

How ridiculous. What a fantastic way to alienate her daughter at a really critical time

Why is it wrong to have sex?

OP
You can’t undo what has been done, but you can talk to her about respect and healthy communication in a relationship.

You can talk to her about how porn has given young people some unrealistic expectations about what they ‘should’ be doing. She doesn’t have to engage in anal just because porn has normalised it. Choking is not something she needs to participate in, just because those scenarios are easily viewable.

Teenagers have been having sex since the dawn of humanity. At what point did it become wrong?

You are on the wind up. Especially with that user name.

Might well be regarded as a safeguarding issue if it gets back to the school that you are encouraging your 15 year old daughter to have sex with boys in her bedroom

The absolute batshit fuckery on this thread is astounding…

You seem to be picturing Pam in Gavin & Stacey (‘me and your dad have ear plugs so let yourself go…’) whereas actually it’s more a case of not banning the boy/girlfriend from the home if no adults are there and making sure they know about and are using contraception. Meaning they aren’t sneaking around dark allyways, parks etc which could put them in actual danger.

😂

Well, it kind of was, because even with contraception two 15 year olds can get pregnant and even with consent they are too young to have a baby.

This would be my consent (and is a good argument for waiting till adult/much longer term relationship). Even if they are old enough to have sex, high fertility at this age and reckless use of contraception make it a really really bad idea.
Maybe show her the figures for 15 year olds who think they are using condoms correctly.

Do you have kids?

I can imagine that they would be sneaking about doing all sorts that you'll never know about because you're definitely not approachable.

As a child protection social work manager I can promise you it won't

Can’t quote a deleted post but the only failure of my parents was not understanding that my boyfriend and I were going to have sex regardless.

I would just make sure she had contraception and he had condoms and talk about it a lot in front of them both, in the kitchen watching TV etc. normalise it and it might lose it's allure.

Well, it would dampen mine! But I'm not a teenager anymore and there are sufficient non-theoretical examples on the thread, eg 'unlocked bin stores in dodgy blocks of flats' of where teenagers will go to do it that would convince me that their own room is the lesser evil.

I think there is a line - not saying it's an easy one to walk - between condoning it and practically accepting it. I remember lots of parents of my friends as a teenager using the 'if I ever catch you at it under my roof you can get out' line (didn't stop pregnancies among this group BTW) whereas there might be more gained by encouraging safety but them at least not screaming the place down or doing it when you're very nearby (I am like a pp thinking of the group breakfast in Gavin and Stacey 'LET'S HAVE THE RADIO ON!') Even that though would be better than the police bringing them home and saying 'We found this pair in the graveyard...'

Don’t you think that would be just.. a bit odd? 😂 and show a really inappropriate interest in the sex lives of two teenagers.

I read a thread on here a couple of years ago about what age you were when you first had sex. There was lots and lots of posts, a huge amount posted that they had had sex at the age of 17 to ‘get it over with’. At the time my DD was 15 and had a boyfriend of 6 months. I was really upset for all those 17 year old girls and it made me think, would I rather my DD have sex at a younger age with someone she cared about. I decided I’d rather she be a little younger than do at 17 with a random guy.

The genie is out of the bottle and they will continue to do it. It is better to keep calm and the lines of communication open with your DD. She needs to be able to come to you if she needs emergency contraception. You don’t have to like the situation. As they are both underage I would ensure his parents are aware of what they’re up to.

No he couldn't, because the law isn't intended to criminalise children close in age, but if he could, so could she.

Oh lord, please don't do that. Just make sure they know what's what (I am generally met with an eye roll and a reminder they've been learning about it since year 5) and then keep to the normal teen rules (when to be home, keeping in touch, staying safe etc).