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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

BF embarrassing about money, it shows me up in public. Help :-S

104 replies

sunnyholidayneeded · 07/01/2025 18:49

Need some help on how best to deal with this please as it's really starting to give me the ick on an other nice bf. He's attentive, caring and so on. No other issues with him except when it comes to money.

He's 28 and in a reasonably paid job. Rented flat. No kids, car or other big financial commitments that I'm aware of.

Issues that have recently given me the ick details below:

Last night we went to Pizza Hut (lol, I know not very fancy but he likes it and yesterday was his birthday so I told him in advance the meal would be my treat).
The waitress came to take our order, she noted down my request for a coke and pizza then turned to him. He then (instead of addressing the waitress), looked at me and asked ME whether he could please have a coke and whatever the pizza was that he wanted. I was so embarassed, it was like a child asking their parent kind of scenario. I smiled politely and said yes, order whatever you'd like. He then asked ME again "is it ok if I order coke?" and then details of the pizza. I nodded and said you need to tell the waitress what you'd like, she's waiting and the place is busy. Hoping this would hurry him along, it didn't. He then started asking me if he can order a large pizza instead of the medium size I'd ordered for myself (both hungry). I said "for crying out loud, you need to just order it, the lady is waiting". He was like "only if that's ok.." and "would you mind?". If I minded or was going to be tight I wouldn't have said the meal would be my treat!

When the food arrived I wasn't relaxed, was sitting there wondering if he had even the slightest idea of how this had made me feel.

Later, he arranged a taxi home for me (from the Pizza Hut) and insisted that he pay for it. Wouldn't have been any more then £5 anyway. I could have walked but the rain was heavy. When the taxi arrived he started asking the driver if he'd accept a CHEQUE. Again, I was mortified. Like if you don't have money or a card to pay with, then don't order a taxi! Luckily I had money anyway so I ended up paying just to avoid any MORE embarassment but who the hell suggests paying a very small taxi far by CHEQUE?

Other icky incident was this morning at a Turkish-Greek type cafe near our village. We had a brunch there and when the waiter came to take our order, bf was asking "what's the cheapest sandwich you have?" and "how much would it be?" "would it be cheaper without the side garnish". Again, I wanted the floor to open up and get me away from there!

I'm leaning towards ending things with bf as I can't bear this sort of embarassment whenever we go anywhere or do things that cost money. Do I tell him the real reason I want to end things, or just make something up to spare his feelings? Help me!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 08/01/2025 17:39

Well he's a bit of a tightwad, but you need to stop wondering if other people have any idea how they make you feel, and just spit it out.

Other people can't read your mind - and you can't hold that against them.

mindutopia · 08/01/2025 18:29

A few years ago (by that, I don’t mean like in the 80s), we booked a holiday let that was pay on arrival. It was a self-catering cottage on a farm, so the owners lived there and met us to check us in. And surprise, insisted on payment for the weekend by cheque. Dh and I just sort of looked at each other. Neither of us even knew where our cheque books are. I’m pretty sure mine is so old that it’s still in my maiden name (and we’ve been married for 12 years now!).

And even if one of us actually even used cheques and had known where in our house we could locate them, it’s definitely not like we would have packed our cheque books for a weekend away in the Cotswolds with the kids. We ended up driving around to multiple cash machines to withdraw the money in cash because she wouldn’t take a bank transfer or card payment.

2025GB · 08/01/2025 18:48

Did he literally have a cheque book on him?!

2025GB · 08/01/2025 18:53

Can I ask op, was the sandwich cheaper without the garnish? 🤣 Never thought of asking myself!

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