Met a guy...

[friendsl]

We went on three incredible dates. Lots of excitement and chemistry. He bought chocolates and flowers to one date.

Then he fell ill (he had a bad flu)...and later, told me he suddenly wasn't looking for a relationship, as he had a lot going on in his life (he has to change jobs etc) and asked if we could keep things open.

I didn't ask him what that meant, as I didn't want to know, and I felt disappointed after such amazing dates, it's a bit weird he suddenly switched.

But by open...I assume he meant to keep things casual and open to dating others? I'm just curious. I won't be going back to him, as I am looking for a relationship, and I am sick and tired of guys messing me around.

Yes. No strings sex. Sorry OP

How utterly bizarre. I reckon he probably just uses the flowers and chocolates and incredible dates routine to make you think he's a fundamentally decent person and excellent prospect for a relationship, then switches to 'keep things open' so he can shag you on a more casual basis while you hope he changes back to the man you first met. I wonder how well this tends to work for him? Glad you have strong boundaries, in any case!

I keep wondering...did I do something to put him off? Why did he change?

Honestly, this isn't anything you did, it's how he operates.

Did you do the deed?

He's hitting you with the don't want to be exclusive line.

No, we didn't do the deed.

It's puzzling, I thought we had such a good time and had the potential to make a great match....

So I guess he's just playing the field on the dating apps? He mentioned he only gets 1-2 matches a week. So hardly a serial shagger or anything.

Oh and the flu thing was possibly a lie? Did he disappear for a week?

No offence, he probably got a better offer. Thats the only reason he'd go from hot to cold overnight.

He was calling me and sounding very unwell, so he wasn't lying about having the flu.

Sounds like he's just playing the field.

Probably had sex with another woman he’s dated and keeping you on back burner in case things don’t work out.

Its not you at all - too many out there they act like this

Love bombing to reel you in. Then once you have feelings pulling right back to just casual sex.
Which presumably you wouldn’t have been . Interested in if that was made clear from day 1?
Don’t waste any more energy on this guy,

I made it clear I was looking for a relationship while we were messaging on a dating app.

We accidentally bumped into a friend of his on the third date....and he kept saying 'wow my friend is going to think I've done so well for myself'

He just seemed so keen and excited, he seemed in awe of me (and yes there was a discrepancy in terms of our looks, but I didn't mind at all, as the chemistry and connection was there)

Just bizarre all around

You can make it as clear as day that you’re looking for a relationship and men will still try and get a no strings shag.

Unfortunately that’s the nature of the majority of men on dating apps. There are a few good ones - apparently - but they’re rarer than unicorns.

Does it matter what 'open' means?

OP, you may have an amazing time on a date, but you don't know someone after meeting them three times – they are a stranger. You are sad about the loss of what you imagined to come, not what you have actually lost.

I'm disappointed and perplexed more than I am sad...

So you were better looking than him? Maybe his insecurities kicked in and he'd rather have a girl on his level. Or maybe he met someone willing to bang him n date 1.

Dont try and figure it out. You do right to tell him to shove it if he wants an open relationship. Who on earth is happy to date someone else knowing they are dating others?

Sounds like a charmer running a numbers game and has an mo that follows to put it simply he is a fuck boy that likes to keep his options open, nothing to do with you at all so drop him and move on.

We accidentally bumped into a friend of his on the third date....and he kept saying 'wow my friend is going to think I've done so well for myself

how old is he, that’s so teenage boy . Did it not give you the ick? It’s given me the ick and I’ve never even met him.

His wife found out....

I thought it was odd...and actually, quite demeaning for himself. He didn't say it in a teenage boy way, it sounded like he had low self esteem.

Yet he had confidence to ask if we could keep things 'open' 😅

There's literally no point in having any more contact with this guy.

Maybe I'm a cynic but if a man brought chocolates and flowers to a first date, it would give me the fear. Peak love bomber move.

*MounjaroOnMyMind *in my original post, I wrote I wouldn't go back to him

*Pinkbonbon *it was the third date, otherwise yes first date would be too much!

Awe is never healthy.

*MyCatHatesSandals *- agreed, and I'm hardly a supermodel 😅