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Original poster

To have the ick really badly?

112 replies

Frazzledcatmama · 02/01/2025 13:48

I have left him now but a couple of things my ex of several years used to do and I don’t know why I stayed are…

at night after using the bathroom he would shuffle out with his jeans and belt round his ankles and walk to the bedroom like that. It was hideous.

regularly when we were chilling on the sofa he would just have his hand down his trousers the whole time. Presumably adjusting himself / for comfort. One time he kept asking me to touch him over and over, which felt really unhygienic considering we were on the sofa and was just a mood killer (“touch me, touch me”). He wanted to us to mutually touch each other while watching bloody documentaries in the living room. It felt so devoid of passion.

when I left him he was bitter and angry and said that we weren’t sleeping together anyway. I had to tell him that I’d been unhappy for a while (which he knew!) and obviously didn’t want to have sex with someone I was constantly arguing with so it was a consequence rather than a cause. He didn’t really seem to get this.

and breathe! Anyone have any hideousness to add?

OP posts:
HermoniePotter · 02/01/2025 21:51

He wanted to us to mutually touch each other while watching bloody documentaries in the living room.. That would be a no from me. As for the waddling out the toilet I’d have had to say something, I can see why you got the ick.

I lived with someone before I met DH. He insisted on having cloth handkerchiefs and leaving the filthy rags in his pockets that he expected me to take out before washing. He ate like a pig and used a spoon to eat dinner, he never lasted long after moving in. The really weird thing was he was never like that the 2 years before we lived together!

Disturbia81 · 02/01/2025 21:56

Yep ick to all those.

TheDogHasFarted · 02/01/2025 22:01

BrightSnail · 02/01/2025 21:45

Oh, mate. It's astonishing how many women I know with stories like that. What is going on with men and their arses?!

Show quote history

Mine once left a work suit out for me to take to the dry cleaners, because the cleaners was on my way to work. Thank god he was too lazy to put it in a bag himself, so when I was putting it in a bag to carry to the cleaners, I noticed there was shit ingrained up the back seam on the inside of the seat of the trousers. And this was obviously not a one off "accident" either. And no, he didn't go commando routinely, this was through underpants! 😱And no, I did not take it to the cleaners.

FinneganFois · 02/01/2025 22:09

@TheDogHasFarted

Eww ! Did your ex blame someone else for this? No wonder he is your ex !
Reading this made me want to disinfect the next surface before I sit down.

BrightSnail · 02/01/2025 22:15

@TheDogHasFarted It's a really grim state of affairs. When I was about 10/11 my mother had me do the laundry and her then-husband's underwear was always like that. When I asked her about it she said 'oh all men are like that'. It makes me sad that she felt that was just the way things were, and angry that she tried to teach me to have such low expectations too.

BlockPattern · 02/01/2025 22:17

A guy I dated left skids on the toilet bowl. He also had a small, odd shaped willy.

Another guy turned out to be a crackhead with no fixed address. In hindsight he wasn't all that attractive looking - a short balding fuckboy.

niadainud · 02/01/2025 22:55

One ex of mine answered the phone to his mother while we were having sex. Most unsexy thing ever and I never slept with him again after that.

Another used to sit on the settee in his Y-fronts playing computer games. Also extremely unsexy.

HelenInHeels · 02/01/2025 23:16

No to fiddling with his willy watching TV. And walking about with his trousers down - did he ever trip up?

localnotail · 02/01/2025 23:58

Now this is really stupid but I absolutely hated my ex stuffing everything (large wallet, keys, hankies, piles of folded paperwork etc) down his jeans/ trousers side pockets. They were always bulging, hanging down and out of shape, it looked fucking ugly. His jeans even had weird fade marks on the sides. Never looked nice in a suit because his pockets stuck out like he had week's shopping there - even when we were going out. I suggested hundreds of times to use a bag but no, I HAVE POCKETS.

We did not split up because of this but it was the final straw that turned me off him sexually for good.

Crushed23 · 03/01/2025 00:38

More and more things give me the ick.

A recent one was a guy talking too much about pregnancy and fertility in early dating. Clearly desperate to become a father and didn't realise how creepy and offputting it was to talk about the "biological clock" to a woman he barely knew. I didn't want him anywhere near me or my uterus.

Crushed23 · 03/01/2025 00:45

localnotail · 02/01/2025 23:58

Now this is really stupid but I absolutely hated my ex stuffing everything (large wallet, keys, hankies, piles of folded paperwork etc) down his jeans/ trousers side pockets. They were always bulging, hanging down and out of shape, it looked fucking ugly. His jeans even had weird fade marks on the sides. Never looked nice in a suit because his pockets stuck out like he had week's shopping there - even when we were going out. I suggested hundreds of times to use a bag but no, I HAVE POCKETS.

We did not split up because of this but it was the final straw that turned me off him sexually for good.

I don't like vain men, but men who don't care at all what they look like give me the ick too. I make an effort to be presentable and I expect a boyfriend to do the same. The pockets thing would drive me up the wall too. Ex-DP had fucking holes in his jumpers. I'd have to tell him to throw them away, and I'd always try to buy him new ones for Xmas/bday. He also had terrible skin that could have been remedied by simply cleansing at night. But no, he couldn't be arsed. I lost all sexual attraction by the end.

theallotmentqueen · 03/01/2025 00:58

Frazzledcatmama · 02/01/2025 13:48

I have left him now but a couple of things my ex of several years used to do and I don’t know why I stayed are…

at night after using the bathroom he would shuffle out with his jeans and belt round his ankles and walk to the bedroom like that. It was hideous.

regularly when we were chilling on the sofa he would just have his hand down his trousers the whole time. Presumably adjusting himself / for comfort. One time he kept asking me to touch him over and over, which felt really unhygienic considering we were on the sofa and was just a mood killer (“touch me, touch me”). He wanted to us to mutually touch each other while watching bloody documentaries in the living room. It felt so devoid of passion.

when I left him he was bitter and angry and said that we weren’t sleeping together anyway. I had to tell him that I’d been unhappy for a while (which he knew!) and obviously didn’t want to have sex with someone I was constantly arguing with so it was a consequence rather than a cause. He didn’t really seem to get this.

and breathe! Anyone have any hideousness to add?

If he kept asking you to touch him sexually after you said no, that’s sexual coercion. If you ended up touching him, not bc you wanted to but bc you felt you had to in order to stop him pestering you, that’s sexual assault. Here’s an acronym for thinking about consent which I think makes it clear that it was SA.

F- Freely given. So in this case, given because you want to rather than because you’re being worn down and effectively forced to say yes bc there’s no other option.

R- Reversable. Ie you feel able to say ‘no’ and there’s no pressure on you to continue after saying ‘no’

I- Informed. Not really relevant here, but this would be in the context of eg disclosing an STD. You have to know what you’re consenting to.

E- Enthusiastic. DEFINITELY not the case here. No, you don’t have to be leaping around for joy but it at least has to be a ‘yeah I reckon that sounds good’. In no circumstances should you be feeling forced/unhappy while you’re doing sexual acts. Before any other posters quote me calling this ridiculous, no I’m not talking about nervous young people having awkward sex for the first time or bad first kisses, I’m talking about someone seeming obviously uncomfortable/upset/unhappy with the situation and giving really fucking obvious cues that they’re not into it,

S- Specific. Eg if I consent to kissing that doesn’t mean that I consent to having my boobs touched necessarily. Each new sexual act should have consent each time.

so as you can see your ex pressuring you into touching him breaks both the ‘freely given’ rule (clearly not freely given if it’s pressured) and the ‘enthusiastic’ rule (I don’t imagine you gave him any sign of enjoyment while doing the act).

really sorry this happened to you. No wonder he gives you the ick.

Sceptical123 · 03/01/2025 05:12

Uglyandsad · 02/01/2025 14:30

I mean lets be honest, if either of these gave you the 'ick ' then you couldn't have loved/liked him that much anyway.

I can't think of a time DH and i haven't fondled or touched either other on the sofa, what we are watching is irrelevant., it happens 90% of the time. Sometimes it leads to full blown mind boggling sex, other times its just nice and sensual.

The trousers round the ankles? I personally have no issues , as long as he isn't still dripping. Pretty sure I've done it before and DH regularly does it as we have an En-Suite to our bedroom.

Maybe you’re with OP’s ex

isthismylifenow · 03/01/2025 06:49

I did laugh about the jeans around the ankle OP.

I get it. I would hate to be groped and asked to grope someone when I'm just going about daily life.

But perhaps I get you totally as when I broke up with an ex, I was so relieved to never having to see him pull up his jeans so high every time he put them on. Thank god they would eventually fall to the right place, but he looked like Obelix every time he came out of the loo.

NameChanger91736 · 03/01/2025 06:51

at night after using the bathroom he would shuffle out with his jeans and belt round his ankles and walk to the bedroom like that. It was hideous

That's absolutely hilarious. My DS does this and I tell him to pull his pants up 🤣🤣 an adult man doing it would knock me sick. What a weirdo haha

DeepRoseFish · 03/01/2025 07:43

BrightSnail · 02/01/2025 21:45

Oh, mate. It's astonishing how many women I know with stories like that. What is going on with men and their arses?!

Show quote history

My ex left some on the bedsheets after waking up and sitting on the bed before getting dressed!!!

HelenInHeels · 03/01/2025 08:57

I'm so glad these examples are all exes! My ex was a sex pest. I'd wake every morning with his hands up my pyjamas and I hated it. Then the sulking when I didn't want sex, or sulking when I'd given in and didn't want a repeat immediately afterwards. I was made late for work because of it and was always anxious. I felt like a performing seal.

Disturbia81 · 03/01/2025 10:13

Even men I've known who shower every day have had skids.. I think the difference is they don't wipe as well as us because of the hair, then they get itchy bums and they itch their bum with their pants. So gross.

DeepRoseFish · 03/01/2025 10:18

HelenInHeels · 03/01/2025 08:57

I'm so glad these examples are all exes! My ex was a sex pest. I'd wake every morning with his hands up my pyjamas and I hated it. Then the sulking when I didn't want sex, or sulking when I'd given in and didn't want a repeat immediately afterwards. I was made late for work because of it and was always anxious. I felt like a performing seal.

Mine too!!! So happy he’s an ex. Won’t ever be with one of those again!

ImNotShpanishImEgyptshun · 03/01/2025 10:20

I had one who used to just casually get his cock out of an evening on the sofa and gently masturbate, nothing to do with what we were watching and initiating. There weren't enough icks in the world.

StrawberryWater · 03/01/2025 10:23

PierceMorgansChin · 02/01/2025 21:42

Well excuse me, I'm not touching no scrotum while Sir David Attenborough narrates about Life in the Arctic!

Show quote history

Maybe it was meerkats.

I hear they're still popular.

What was the documentary op?

ohyesido · 03/01/2025 10:25

Lots of men like to hold themselves while lying on the couch. My DH likes me to hold him occasionally but it's not convenient for me as I like to have my hands free to use my kindle or iPad. It's nothing sinister is it? I thought it was some primitive comfort thing

devilspawn · 03/01/2025 10:51

Disturbia81 · 03/01/2025 10:13

Even men I've known who shower every day have had skids.. I think the difference is they don't wipe as well as us because of the hair, then they get itchy bums and they itch their bum with their pants. So gross.

I literally don't know of any men who do this or why hair would stop you wiping yourself properly.

devilspawn · 03/01/2025 10:51

Why is your sofa so unhygienic?

Liv999 · 03/01/2025 11:02

ohyesido · 03/01/2025 10:25

Lots of men like to hold themselves while lying on the couch. My DH likes me to hold him occasionally but it's not convenient for me as I like to have my hands free to use my kindle or iPad. It's nothing sinister is it? I thought it was some primitive comfort thing

Do they?