Met boyfriend family…AIBU?

[Nettynoo112]

Boyfriend of just nearly a year, met his family over Christmas for a family night. Very big family with a lot of children as well.
my family is quite small but close, I also have a 8 year old son but boyfriend hasn’t met him yet but I would be thinking about this soon if all goes well
anyway- his family was crazy, so loud, everyone constantly taking the piss our of each other but the main thing was the language. They all swore openly, the younger kids too (not the kids under 8 but everyone else). In the party games they openly gave answers with swear words e.g “name something you would find at a party” “drunken cunts”
I couldn’t believe it. Am I being too judgey? I’d be horrified my son hearing all that

I wouldn't like it at all

I dated a man whose family swore non stop the first time I met them. It was every 3rd word -literally. They were like ‘I fucking went to fucking Tesco to get some fucking food for the fucking party’

Im no prude and I drop the odd well place swear word but it set my teeth on edge and actually made me realise were we incompatible

Yeah I felt very uncomfortable especially as they didn’t seem to care that the kids were hearing it all

I'm a very sweary woman, I will admit. But this sounds really uncomfortable and would totally put me off being around them. Are you considering ending things? Doesn't sound like you would want your child around this (sensible!).

He’s really close to his family and spends a lot of time with them. Some things he has said before I’ve been a bit ??? about it like all the very young ones having mobile phones and having TikTok etc (just different to how I parent which is fair enough) but then the swearing was just unbelievable to me

He’s not your person.

This is what you'd be inviting into your life if you continue with your relationship OP. Don't for a moment think they'll tone it down in coming years when you integrate your son into family gatherings.

Yeah unfortunately that would be enough for me to end that relationship. I’d not want my child anywhere near that but I’d also not expect people to change for me or ask someone to stop seeing their family.

I would not like this.

I swear abit but theres time and place, except I cannot say the C word as I find it derogatory and offensive to women.
My friend has just moved to teaching reception age children because she was sick of Y1' and Y2's calling her a "fucking bitchy c*" everyday. They learn it at home and think it is acceptable to use. So far reception children are proving to be less swear- only a few "oh bugger it" type phrases.

Yeah exactly. I wouldn’t do that at all but I was just shocked and thought no way, this is crazy. My boyfriend also joined in with the piss taking, swearing etc with his brothers which is fine but there were kids right beside them aged form a baby to 10, it was all a bit much

Well done for not introducing him to your child too early. Now you have more information to form a judgement about his potential for sharing your attitudes towards parenting. This is a big deal.

Sounds infantile and ghastly.
Do you think they were showing off because you were there, @Nettynoo112 ?

I’d feel very out of place somewhere so chaotic, Stick to people whom you feel at ease with, and whose parenting styles match yours.

Your child would probably detest it, too.

Raise the bar, Op
Find a better man, who have a good family.
( Nothing to do with income, but basic standards like not swearing around children, and no Tick Tock which is just drivel.

I don't think you're compatible. It's a good thing that you haven't introduced your son to this man yet.

Can't say it better than that.

Makes me think of this…

Run.

I think you know that this man is not for you. My DD brought a new boyfriend home and we can already see the problems . It's whether to say anything. He is a lovely guy but I can see what the potential issues are going to be now.

Openly swearing in front of children is a real marker of someone’s moral standards. Don’t get me wrong, I drop the odd clanger in front of my children but it’s in reaction to something. It doesn’t flow in to everyday conversation.

The C word at a family Christmas get together is just odd.

OP I get you.
My boyfriends family are like this and i don’t think it’s pleasant.
I adore his family generally, they are fantastic, caring, would do anything for us etc etc. But the language/swearing at family gatherings (with children around) is grim! They sound very much like your boyfriends family, so loud, piss taking, lots of “banter” and that sort of thing.

That type of behaviour would be enough for me to end the relationship.

You and your child deserve better.

It’s ok to end a relationship for any reason. I would also feel uncomfortable having so much swearing around a young child. It isn’t being judgmental, it’s recognising that the two of you and your families won’t be compatible in the longer term.

Would you be happy if your Son to behaved like them ?
If not you need to leave this relationship

Different horses for courses . It’s not how you do things, but it’s how they muck around.

Yes you're being judgy. My dogs family is like that too brings out the proper snob In me but... You are with him not his family