Met boyfriend family…AIBU?

[Nettynoo112]

Boyfriend of just nearly a year, met his family over Christmas for a family night. Very big family with a lot of children as well.
my family is quite small but close, I also have a 8 year old son but boyfriend hasn’t met him yet but I would be thinking about this soon if all goes well
anyway- his family was crazy, so loud, everyone constantly taking the piss our of each other but the main thing was the language. They all swore openly, the younger kids too (not the kids under 8 but everyone else). In the party games they openly gave answers with swear words e.g “name something you would find at a party” “drunken cunts”
I couldn’t believe it. Am I being too judgey? I’d be horrified my son hearing all that

What on earth. Does she live in a really rough area? That’s not normal! That’s awful.

They're close, happy and were all having fun together. I wouldn't care about the swearing, but would be delighted my DP had a happy and supportive wider family

The fact that they think it’s ok for the kids to be swearing…
No I wouldn’t like that. If I had my kid I would have said something or left. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about it?

Your mum was a very wise lady.

@fashionqueen0123
She works in an area that has some deprivation but certainly not the worst in the city. Has a number of families that don't give a 'fuck,' about rules, establishments like education, work. And their children replicate the attitude and language.

My friend (very good swearer) was shocked. She's done alot of supply in very deprived areas and used to children whose home life isn't secure.

Grim

Well I'd be considered judgemental too then. I wouldn't want to hitch my wagon to a bunch of thicks!

Absolutely ghastly. What a lucky escape.
Sorry.

However a 'supportive' family generally means they are all over your business, spending every major holiday and event with you, and expecting to be in your life every day, dictating how you live and/or parent.
Run for the hills, away from their potty-mouthed lifestyle.

Very sad for those children.

Do you spend time with them?

My exes family were like this. Loud, really loud, and swearing. I have to say I never really mixed them with my family etc. My DC (adults) are not really sweary so clearly didn't rub off but, it made me very uncomfortable. The worst was when they were outside (summer etc) in the garden, there was no concern for the neighbours, the loud foul language still used.

I only ever had the around twice in the garden, never again. I am no prude, am well capable of using 'colourful' language, but this was unnecessary, disgraceful and disgusting.

Does he swear OP? Have you addressed it with him? Sorry I haven't RTFT.

That's a non starter for me never mind if I had a child

What is he like when it’s just the two of you?

I feel for the bf a bit here - if he’s a gentleman in front of you but feels he has to be a certain way in front of his family I guess at least he realises it’s unacceptable. If the swearing is an entrenched behaviour within his family he may find it difficult to not revert to type when he’s with them.

However if it’s putting you off him you should absolutely end it, you don’t owe him a relationship if you’re having reservations. If you stay with him long term you’ll have to spend a lot more time with his crazy family!

I think you know the answer to this. I would not, in any way, be with someone who thought that was normal behaviour.

No way. Does he want children? This is how future children would be bought up.

Yes occasionally

Yes he does

That would be such a turn-off for me. It's so different from my own family that I would feel so uncomfortable, it would probably kill it for me.

My ex-inlaws weren't ideal and were way too different from me. I wish I'd married into a warm, lovely family. It made me think that people should check out the provenance of the specimen early in dating! 😂

It's not the same but I brought an end to a close and long friendship. As I didn't want my kids exposed to what was going on.

It's hard but I couldn't see any way around it and tried to persevere for the last 2 years of the friendship. But I had to walk away for my kids sake I felt.

I actually find swearing really grating, I do swear but certainly not in my general vocabulary. I will say my husband speaks in thicker Scots than me although he has toned it down as he didn't like the way kids were speaking, picking up from him, and often corrects them himself now. But he did swear a lot when we were younger, but the key thing is he was young and has now outgrown that and has matured.

It's good you haven't introduced you kid yet, cleaner if you decide to break it off. I suppose you have lots to consider. Good luck x

My ex had a family like this proper chavs. Always told myself well he isn't like that.. Of course he was, he just hid it

Dump him and do not settle for this ❤️

Your son will ( very possibly) end up like him and his family... think about that!

Bit much, yes

I love a swear word but not in front of my children I'm always pulling my sister up on this if she does in front of my kids her family is like you describe

Do not underestimate the ability of wider family to make your relationship uncomfortable to the point of misery.

I would hate this and be very uncomfortable with it, despite not being at all averse to swearing in adult company.

Not differentiating between adult company and children's company shows a serious lack of boundaries/standards and would make me think your boyfriend would have a very different approach to parenting.

I found this out to my detriment with my ex, whose family thought nothing of swearing and fighting in front of children and who always made me deeply uncomfortable.

Now that we are co-parenting, he has a similar lack of boundaries/standards during his parenting time - he lets the kids stay up till all hours, feeds them takeout way too much, leaves them on devices most of the day, and I dread when they are teenagers that he will be encouraging/letting them drink alcohol far too young.